In the line of Cubmaster duty...

[AnnLaurelB]

Jack Daniels on a piece of TOAST! COULD IT GET ANY WORSE?!?

 

Tonight was published as our last "joint Den" meeting, to go over last minute stuff the guys might have earned (that 10th Elective for an Arrow Point, or whatever) and to get everyone signed up for Day Camp, and pass out the flyers for the summer social stuff, etc...

 

This was announced to The Whole Pack, so that I, as CM, could make sure EVERY kid got their packet, and EVERY parent was informed about the year end stuff, camp registration, etc... I put out coloring pages, crosswords, word searches, pens, basketballs, scooters, frisbees, etc... and just told the guys to go play (the parents took turns refereeing).

 

It was going along *swimmingly* until ... *sigh* ... the former Cubmaster guy showed up with his son (and his little sister). The dude was two sheets to the wind. Not quite 3, but it smelled like he was getting close. He was CLEARLY lit up.

 

I sort of tried to ignore it and hoped I could just crank him through the process, but he SAT DOWN and started PONTIFICATING about "Well, what we need to do is figure out..." When I'd already announced whatever it was like a month ago.

 

But he blowfiscated forth, talking over everyone, etc... And if it had been just a drop-by thing with him alone, I would have just said, "Mr. D, go home." But nearly ALL of my Cub parents were there WITH all of the boys AND several little sisters. And he shows up blitzed.

 

EVERY parent found my ear and said, "Um...is he...um... I think he's a little drunk." That was the kindest of them.

 

THIS IS THE GUY THEY'VE NAMED COMMITTEE CHAIR. Not only did he come to MY HOME in that condition, but he drove his two kids in his car that way, AND appeared in front of our entire Pack while intoxicated.

 

And even if no one had brought it to my attention, I STILL would have been bound by my position as CM to report it. I *hated* to do it; the guy has had a really crappy couple of years (which is why he drinks), but ... I had to call my Dist Exec and the CO Rep.

 

I think this may be the death knell, unless they can find another Chair over the summer. The problem is I don't know if I want to continue. I like being CM but this is ridiculous.

[moosetracker]

AnnL - I posted to your other thread asking why it was like you were going to continue with this pack with what I would call and unsuccessful recruiting night, and you were not even going to continue if this guy got CC position, but they gave it to him anyway with all of your protests, and you still stayed..

 

You may enjoy the Cub Master position, but with the lack of support or concern to get quality leadership to help out from the CO on down to all the other parents.. Then you can not provide the quality program your son deserves.. Remember the scouting program is about your son, and he deserves a well functioning quality program..

 

You may be moving from being a big fish who is swimming in an orange juice glass, to being a small fish in a big pond.. But, if your writtings are any indication of your personality, you will move yourself into being a big fish in a year or two.. May or May not make CM of a successful Pack, but that doesn't matter.. If you can start to mix and mingle with other adults who care about putting out a great program, I think you will be much happier yourself.

[AnnLaurelB]

You're right, and when the pastor of the CO church talked, he's the only one who would SAY with me, "We may need to let this go." But I do attend this same church, so it's a balancing act of what I feel equipped to do vs what they *ask* me to attempt. One hates to quit on something the church seems attached to, y'know?

 

And with the events last night, I think we (the participating parents) need to just enjoy our summer gatherings, and the ones who want to can transfer to another Pack when school starts... can.

 

After reading your post, I did email the CC who finds herself without Pack, and asked her to help me find a new one, and perhaps offer her services there, too, if she still wants to be involved in Scouting.

 

Thanks for your words! I'm like Rex the Dinosaur; "I don't LIKE confrontation!" But yeah, my first duty is to my son.

[Lisabob]

The guy is lucky you didn't call the cops and get him arrested for drunk driving and child endangerment on his way home.

 

If you are really going to stay: tell each parent who approached you that they need to take up this guy's position as CC with the charter org, because YOU aren't the one who can remove him. Tell them, also, that they had best be prepared to step up. Give each a specific role you expect them to play. If none will do it, again, you are just going to have to back off and either (continue to) do it all yourself, or leave on your own (I bet they follow you).

 

Honestly, I wish you lived in my area, because we could find about 8 good packs that would love, love, LOVE to have you involved with them. And that would provide a quality program to your son.

 

Finally, about the reason this fellow drinks: I do not buy that he drinks (and drives his children around while drunk) because he has had a rough couple of years. People who do that, tend to do it regardless of what's going on - or they find "reasons" for why they do it - or their decisions to do so *cause* them to have a rough time, which becomes a catalyst for more drinking - but the truth is, most are untreated alcoholics and would do it anyway. That doesn't make them bad people, but it does make them a danger to others when they get behind a wheel.

[AnnLaurelB]

Absolutely. He's a friendly enough guy, but a functional alcoholic to be sure, and *not* very functional at anything else.

 

I just talked to the gal who is finishing out this year with her son's Pack, and she went Rah-Rah on me and said, "We can save this! I will help you! Don't go down without a fight!"

She's going to call our Dist Exec and come to our Com Meeting tomorrow night, and discuss where she might be of help.

 

If that doesn't go anywhere with my Comittee, then she's in talks with the DE to start a NEW pack, which will need a CM (*grin*).

[moosetracker]

Well that you have another knowledgable, spirited person on board, does change the playing field a bit.. I am assuming this is the same lady who is part of the District Training staff, correct?

 

But I don't understand the comment "If that doesn't go anywhere with my Comittee, then she's in talks with the DE to start a NEW pack".. It confuses me to figure out how you can see this as more then just your pack going to a new CO, with the same non-commital parents in tote..

 

If that's the case & you are a member of this church who is your current CO, so feel some loyalty to it, it would have to be something where you see monumental gain in members and Adult Leadership.

 

So is your friends child not continuing on in Boy Scouts?.. She is not interested in helping in the Troop her son joins? I guess some people do stay behind while thier kids move up, but not often, and usually it is to help the pack they already have a strong bond with.

[AnnLaurelB]

I guess her hubby is doing stuff with Boy Scouts. She's just one of those people who are "lifers", I guess. LOL

 

You know, I'm not sure WHERE she and the DE were thinking of getting the bodies for a whole new Pack. It *wasn't* with the idea that my Pack would be part of that, originally. She's just saying that IF they went that way, my remnants would be welcomed warmly.

 

In light of the fact that our little Pack is on the brink, she's interested in helping us pull it back. As I understand it (her Pack is the one with like 120 boys), they were going to make a "brother" Pack from some of the newest Dens over there.

 

I don't know for sure where it's going; I've told the Committee the issue, and reminded them that I have NO authority in hiring/firing. I can only lead them to the water, so to speak.

 

If they want to give it a shot, I'll try, too. If they decide to let it go, then I'll join my friend in the off-shoot Pack next year.

[momof2cubs]

Ann, I have been admiring your enthusiasm, your energy, talent, sense of humor, and sense of duty. However, based on what I have been reading in your posts, this is a non-functioning and possibly beyond repair pack. There are too many elements to be fixed and you, despite your talent and energy, are just ONE person.

 

The way I see it, any pack would be BEYOND lucky to have you and it may be time for you to consider moving your son and your many skills and talents to another pack that's not dysfunctional.

[dg98adams]

I have read your other posts. I find it disturbing you did not duck out and call the police. He would not leave one of our units meetings drunk with a child, Scout of not, in the car.

 

 

[AnnLaurelB]

Ah! Excellent point. And I hear you. I didn't like it either, and I debated it, believe me. But a couple things made me NOT call the cops.

 

1) I thought it would be overly traumatic for his kids to see him taken up. They're sort of sensitive about stuff since their mother died last year.

 

2) He lives a block or so away; yes, of course you can still have accidents 10 FEET away, I realize, but he's what I'd call a high-functioning drunk, and I've seen him WORSE, honestly.

 

Now that would NOT matter, I admit, if he'd gotten right back in the car, but...

 

3) I gave him the Day Camp App, then the BSA Health Form to fill out for his son. While he was slogging through those, I helped other parents. THEN I got him to count up all of his Camp Card money, and fill out a voucher for his kid's half to use for camp...

 

You see where I'm going with this... I stalled him in my yard, giving him paper after paper to either fill out or absorb or take notes about. I kept leaving him sitting there while I talked to other parents, helping them with forms, running to the house to make copies, etc...

 

I left his son's Bear review until the VERY last, then took my time thumbing through it (meanwhile I had already texted the DE and the pastor)and quietly assured the other parents that I'd take care of the situation.

 

ANYWAY, my point is that by the time he'd left, he'd been at my house for *well over* 90 minutes. In general, most peoples' BAC returns to pre-drinking level within an hour or so after their last drink. And he certainly didn't have anything with him but a paper folder, so I know he hadn't had anything since he'd arrived at 6:30. It was nearly 8:15 when he left.

 

Everything's a judgement call.

 

[qwazse]

Hey ALB, FWIW I'll be praying for you tonight. (Rumor has it that helps from time to time.) Not just because it's your kid or your pack. You said it was your church, so whatever decision they make will affect the ministry of your house of worship for years down the road. Pastor has to walk a fine line between helping people maintain their dignity and reading the writing on the wall.

[AnnLaurelB]

Awww, thanks! Yes, the prayer of a righteous person availeth much! I sure appreciate it. :0)

[Basementdweller]

It is easy to say you would call the law until you start to understand the repercussions.....

 

Compassion.......I believe you made the correct choice.

 

A single parent, who just lost his wife, gets arrested for DUI and losses his license or gets driving privileges to and from work..... The result will not be good for anyone. Your simply digging the hole deeper for him.

 

I had some success speaking with a drunk dad, just laid it on the line with him, " I am not here to judge you and your lifestyle or choices, but I absolutely positively cannot have you with any alcohol in your system at meetings or events". I have not seen him drunk or smelling like alcohol at scouts or scouting events.

 

 

[AnnLaurelB]

Yeah, I didn't see how having him arrested in front of his kids would help much, if it could be avoided.

 

It might have been simpler if he'd just been a Cub dad, and could have been taken aside privately. But he's a registered Adult Leader in our Pack, and there were ALL those parents looking at ME to do something about it. So I quietly told them I'd notify our DE, which I did.

 

Last time this happened it was handled within the CO/church, and he retained his BSA membership. This time however, because I went straight to my DE, his membership will be revoked, no matter what the CO/pastor/CO Rep says.

 

The pastor is on board to try to help him within the ministries of the church; I hope they have some resources that can help.

 

 

 

 

[nldscout]

AnnL,

"Yeah, I didn't see how having him arrested in front of his kids would help much, if it could be avoided. "

 

I would ask you, how would it have helped if he had drove away and run over another child in the street or a person down the road? If he only lived a short distance away, he could have walked.

 

You did him no favors by not calling the police, he has gotten away with this CRIME once more because soft minded people don't see it as a serious problem.

 

Here in NY it is a FELONY CRIME to operate a motor vehicle under the infuence if alcohol with a child in the car.

 

When people finally wake up and realize drinking and driving is a SERIOUS CRIME, maybe then we as a society can do something to cure it and help people like him. Anyone that thinks this is the first time he or someone like him/her has done this obviously is wearing blinders.

 

I see people like this in court all the time and the friends and family always are saying, oh he is a great guy except that he drinks a bit to much. Now if this gentleman was a drug user/dealer, or a thief, or a pervert, or any of the other criminals we see would you have as easily excused him? Ask your self that before you let someone like him drive away again.

 

I will get down off my soapbox now.