Parent Problems- from a Webelos Leader

[saschuster]

Wow, the parents in our pack would bolt for the door without their kids if we told them to drop and leave! We have to tell the parents of the younger scout they can't leave and they pitch a fit over having to stay.

 

We had a very disruptive mother late last year and it got to where she was spreading gossip about leaders and other parent's, she told her son to tell his den leader he didn't have to listen, and she was finally told to leave by our COR. If I had handled it as the CC, it would have been a smack down in the parking lot so definitely use your support if you have any!

[Beavah]

Yah, moosetracker, did I miss somethin'? I think da OP was only suggesting exiling the problem dad, not all the parents. The only reference to da rest was a general statement on trying to get folks not to hover so much and give their kids some room, which seems reasonable... if done with a little sensitivity and finesse.

 

Beavah

[moosetracker]

Beavah about the middle of the page.. K1986 - talked about speaking to the problem dad but after this he made the comment..

 

when I laid out the idea that from now on parents would not be part of the den meetings they took their child and left. I was approached by two other parents asking what the fuss was and I explained the situation (as much as they needed to know) and informed them that the group was going to be more independent of parent hovering and they also both left before the meeting was over quite angry. The CM sent out an email tonight explaining that next weeks meeting would be a parent/leader meeting only, no kids...

 

He may have only told the problem parent that from now on no parents would be at den meetings, and another group of parents they would need to stop hovering.. But unless he was planning to lie to the problem parent, his plan was to kick all parents out of the den meeting..

 

He unfortunately got this idea from ScoutNuts advise..

 

Parents should not be attending Webelos den meetings unless they are the one in charge of running that specific meeting. The Webelos should be preparing for Boy Scouts by getting more independent. Let ALL parents know that, from now on, den meetings are for Webelos only. The only exception would be a parent who is acting as a Webelos Activity Badge Counselor for that meeting.

 

This was more what I was focusing on rather then the problem parent when I said you can't kick out the parents.. (Meaning the normal parents..) and went through the thought process that you need to bring them on board with being part of the solution, rather then tell them they are the problem..

[ScoutNut]

I'm all for finesse, and weaning. However K1986 decided to do it his way.

 

Not the way I would have chosen to do it, especially with a Pack of only 11 Scouts that all meet together for their meetings (a tidbit that was left out of the original post). However, it was how he decided to handle it. I suspect he did it this way in part because he simply can not work with the one dad and wants him gone.

 

No, BSA is not Babysitters of America. However one of the purposes of Cub Scouting is to prepare the Cubs for Boy Scouts. You can't do that by extending the Tiger meeting format of 1-1 to the Wolf, Bear, and Webelos dens. Doing so is why you have parents and boys who suffer such culture shock on entering a Boy Scout Troop that they do not last even one year there. Or, they end up turning the Troop into an older boy extension of Cub Scouting with the parents doing everything.

 

BSA specifically states that Wolf thru Webelos den meetings should be for the boys, and NOT be a family activity. This does not mean den meetings are "secret", or closed to any/all parent participation. However, it does mean that the only parents (Wolf, Bear, or Webelos) who should be at den meetings are those who have a specific job to do there (such as acting as a Webelos Activity Badge Counselor).

 

[BadenP]

 

 

I guess the times have really changed, Webelos were always considered to be more mature and independent from the rest of the pack, preparing to become boy scouts. As a WDL years ago none of the parents ever wanted to stick around for the den meetings. At the end of the year we would do a Webelos Family Camping trip and that was always well attended. Now it seems the parents are always in the way right up through boys scouts, COH, ECOH, OA Ordeal, etc afraid that their "baby" might get hurt and compounded by the poorly thought out wording in the G2SS. No wonder Kudu calls the scouting program of today "CupCake Scouts of America", he may not be too far off.

[SeattlePioneer]

Last Monday our Bear den had training for the Tote 'n Chip then boys did work on carving a bear out of a bar of soap.

 

We pretty much had men, mostly dads, supervising and helping with the training. I thought that was fine and we avoided any BLOOD!

 

Generally we don't have parental hovering, unless there's a reason. Then parents turn out pretty much on their own initiative.

 

As far as I can see, that's working well so far. I can certainly see how hovering parents would be a problem, but I don't think that's a problem we have.

 

Lucky, lucky!

[AnnLaurelB]

What kind of soap, please?

[The Blancmange]

 

What kind of soap, please?

Ivory. A tip I picked up here a while back is that it is easier to carve when the bar is not fresh from the store. Buy a few and let them sit in the closet for a few months. I don't know, but I'm guessing there must be some moisture left in the bar from the manufacturing process.

[AnnLaurelB]

Sorry; didn't mean to derail. I'm just getting my Wolfies finished, and we'll get our whittlin chips next fall. I would have thought Ivory wouldn't work because of the air whipped into it.

 

But the drying-out makes sense; I'll get them NOW, and lay them out in my linen closet! Thanks for the info!

 

And to prove I CAN be on-topic, I know *exactly* what K1986 is talking about. We're also a Pack of 11, my Wolf-almost-Bears being MY Den, with 6 boys (1 my own).

 

We have one parent-scout duo who have chased people further and further away all year. The adult is laid up with health problems, and while I hope she gets better, I also hope she and her problem kid don't come back.

 

I agree that you and/or the CM need to approach this Cub-dad team and say, "Guess what?!? YOU'RE READY FOR THE TROOP! I've let the Scoutmaster know you'll be visiting their meeting; here's his number, and their time and place. Here's the BSA Youth App for your transfer. I've filled everything in for you; all you have to do is sign it and give it to the Scoutmaster. He'll explain everything to you from there. Gosh! It's been fun having you! Good luck!"

 

[ScoutLass]

Parents are just like the boys. We're all trained to keep the boys busy, because bored boys become capital T-R-O-U-B-L-E! The adults are the same way. Some just hover, others butt in, and some turn into this "super dad."

 

Nine times outa ten you can solve the problem by assigning them jobs. Come up with a few options before the meeting and don't give "no" as a choice. Give an A or B option, not a yes or no option. "Would you prefer to do this or this," not "Could you help with this?" Busy parents can't hover or cause (too many) problems.

 

With this dad during fire building, I would have brought some some logs and asked him to split them while you worked with the boys starting the fire. Seems like the type that would of jumped all over the chance to show off with a hatchet.

 

Keep 'em busy, keep 'em outa trouble. No matter how old they are.

[AnnLaurelB]

ScoutLass, I think you've hit on it! I think as people who have taken the initiative to be in charge of a program like this, we (as adults) expect other (adult) people to act like (ADULTS)!

 

When they don't, I think it's hard for us to decide to "parent" them, too. But you're right--you have to redirect the problem parents just like you would a recalcitrant Cubbie.

 

And dang. I wish I'd thought up a fun scouty moniker. :0/

[Tampa Turtle]

To deal with hovering parents assign jobs and remind them they do not have to stay. Some will gratefully bolt. I had mine:

 

1-Some were basically Assistants -one Dad for PE and games, one super Mom for scheduling, etc. really helps to have 2 adults engaging the boys.

 

2-I asked all to do something once for part of a meeting. If a parent knew a Biologist they arranged for a presentation. Works great if they can talk about their hobby and career. It really helps to get to know the background of the parents--they can be a diverse and tremendous resource.

 

3-I had some for a "mini-committee". They would be off in a corner planning a field trip, making calls, planning menus. Half the time was hanging out. (The terrible economy really helped us -- 1/3 of the Dad's were unemployed at some time so they liked having a project)

 

When you get enough engaged parents they start to "own" the program and group dynamics will start to damper the troublemakers. I have had the occasional painful parent but most could be redirected to charge in a more productive direction.

[Tampa Turtle]

OK, OK I have had some perfectly horrible parents that I really encouraged to go to another Troop...