Thrown Under the Committee Bus

[AnnLaurelB]

OMIGOSH. Where's the button?!? *Fantastic* ideas.

 

But THAT being said...

 

I'm on the balls of my feet with my keys in my hand...just trying to decide whether to cut now before it gets any messier, or give the ultimatum and see what happens.

 

But see, that means waiting until Kick-Off / Orientation NEXT season, in late Aug or early Sep. That's a long time to NOT KNOW, and then walk away and find my new Pack *after* the year has already begun, if it doesn't pan out.

 

Hmmmmn...

 

You know, for the first 3 months of my reign (Heh) as CM, we did EXACTLY that--we met all as a Pack. The advice I kept getting at the time was that we needed to break into the Dens as soon as possible.

 

But...why? The model DID work, and y'all are right-- everyone would be in the same room, and I can point at the parents and say, "Um...I'm only one person. There are 5 Dens. Who's leading this group tonight?"

 

The *problem* with that was that if *I* spoonfeed them with a joint Den meeting EVERY week, what impetus is there for them TO step up? "Well, she's got that handled."

 

But if I decide to stay, I think an amalgam of these suggestions is the key. Have several joint Den meetings, (and any Bobcat Trails can be done then, too), and then have a Summit Pack meeting when all the parents are there.

 

Explain that we need 11 (or whatever) volunteers; who's standing? And if they don't, I'll have a stack of BSA Youth applications and a list of local Packs to which they can apply for transfer.

 

[AnnLaurelB]

P.S.

 

THANK YOU to everyone for your time and insights and encouragement!! I appreciate it sooo much! :0)

[5yearscouter]

If you show ANY MORE to the parents that you are capable of doing it all--meaning YOU running a joint meeting for all dens for more weeks/months,

then the parents will assume everything is fine, you don't really need the help you are just talking.

 

so you have to come at it from all sides all at once and make an ultimatum. Help me fix it starting now, or go elsewhere.

 

1st is parent meeting, all parents must attend. here's a movie (down and derby, follow me boys, etc) for the boys to watch while we figure this out.

tell them the situation, the requirements from BSA for the pack to continue thru til August roundup. that THEY have to step up now and do the JOBS until they find a replacement in August roundup or it stops now.

 

The pack needs to give the illusion of a united front going forward that they are as committed as you are in order to roundup and get a few spring scouts to do the fun summertime events, and to snag a few more parent/suckers to help them out.

 

2nd is applications for transfer or applications for leadership. give one of each to each parent in that parent meeting. It must be dealt with immediately.

 

3rd you CAN do meetings all together, ideally it would be at a school or place where everyone can meet together but for their den time they must go off to a separate place to do their stuff so you can emphasize that each of the dens NEEDS their own den leader and assistant.

 

you have to also figure out how to make it a bit fun and convenient for the parents. make some brownies, have some punch, have a bunch of resources sitting out on the table(but don't go overboard with ideas or they'll freak). go over the fun things you want to do with the boys over the summer and into the fall, and get the parents a bit excited about it. bring in a translator to help with the esl issue.

 

 

 

 

[Basementdweller]

ann......

 

Slow down a bit. I don't think they are intentionally throwing you to the wolves.

 

I can see two basic decisions to be made here. Stay or leave

 

Leave is easy find another pack and enjoy cub scouting.

 

Stay.....recruit help. Easier said than done. It will be a struggle but rewarding too

[moosetracker]

Something we may have missed here.. How much is the old CM (because he did something wrong), set up to be the CC???.. If he is not the CC, then basically it is your troop, and you can rant & rave & threaten the breakup of the Pack without the help.. If he is CC, or if he becomes CC in near future.. Then the disbanding of the Pack is between him & the COR.. So you can threaten that things change or you will leave, and invite your den members to come or go as they so choose.. But I don't think you can threaten disbanding the Pack.. Not your decision to make.

 

But if you leave, that leaves your den who had a great leader, without a leader.. Will any of them step up or follow you over?? Only you can guess and they can decide..

 

If you leave, that means the great dynamic CM is also gone.. Who will step up??

 

That leaves a bunce of packs of one or two dens that don't meet and are basically lone scouts, no one to do the Pack meetings, and a CC with two other members who want to be on paper only..

 

The logical thing would be to disband the Pack without you there.. But, you can not make that call if you have a CC..

 

So if you choose to do battle with the Pack parents in an all-or-nothing meeting, based on if you do or do not have a CC.. You may have to watch how you word things..

[qwazse]

And, if you stay, for the love of all that is beautiful about summer don't have pack meetings. Have pack picnics, pack participation in parades, pack flag retirement ceremony (see if there's a boy scout troop that can help with that), pack wiffle ball, hikes, fishing. Maybe even go cheer and your CC's son's ball game. (Ask if the boys could sell treats there.)

 

Do things where you don't have to be up front like you do for the fall dog-and-pony show. Sneak your other adults to the fore. See if that attracts some other kids to join.

 

Point is, while you have a small pack, have fun with the smallness! Then at the end of the summer, tell the CC that he needs to order a bunch of those summer participation stars.

[ScoutNut]

I have gotta ask, what did the former CM do that was so bad that it got him blackballed by the Pack (sort of), but not bad enough to get his registration pulled by your council?

 

Don't feel that you have to be a martyr to/for this Pack. If the church, and the Pack families, are not really committed to making the Pack work, then there is no reason for you to burn yourself out, and run yourself ragged, trying to do it all yourself.

 

Start visiting area Packs with your son NOW. You don't have to join yet, but visit them, get to know them. See what kind of volunteer base they have. See what kind of program they are running. Find one that you think your son would enjoy. That way if/when you decide you have had enough of being a one-woman Pack, you will already have your son's new Pack picked out.

 

 

[Lisabob]

Take a stand. This is nuts, and will make the upcoming scout year not-fun. And when it is a source of stress and anxiety for you, it may eventually become not-fun for your son, as well. Further, it becomes harder to recruit new people in this situation (catch-22) because they see you running around like a crazy person, being stressed, not having fun, and they think "why would I want to do that?" Been there, done that, have the badge.

 

Tell your CO that if they want you to stay on as CM, then they need to find a way to get rid of the bozo (you will not work with him as CC), and find some new help who are actually willing to help! Failing that, you will (some combo of): step down, move your son to a new pack, start your own new pack elsewhere, or find your son a better youth outlet than scouting in your community. Mean it.

 

PS: tell your District Exec or Scout Exec or who ever that was at the meeting with you, too. Scouting Pros have their own agendas (keep the pack alive at all costs) and sometimes they will support or even appear to require decisions that run counter to what you know to be good for the unit. Don't count on the Scout Exec to make the tough call here - s/he more than likely can't, if they also want to keep their job.

 

(I'm not dissing all scouting pros, but they work under incredible pressures and have different priorities than those of us on the ground. And of course they need to keep their jobs, feed their families, etc., too, so they're going to do what they have to do.)

 

 

 

 

(This message has been edited by lisabob)

[AnnLaurelB]

@ ScoutNut -- He was inebriated at several Pack events, and brought alcohol (and used it) on a camp out. If that SHOULD be cause for losing his registration, then I can't explain why he didn't. He also appears to mix pain killers with his drinking. The DE *is* aware of why the parents asked the Committee that he not be CM.

 

@ MooseTracker -- I hear what you're saying; they (they WHOM, though? There are NO hands on deck!) may decide to give it a go, even if I walk away. I'm not saying that my walking away would disband the Pack, but the ONLY person left would be the dysfunctional (hey, nice enough guy, but dysfunctional on so many levels) former CM/now CC.

 

And my Wolfies are 6/11ths of the Pack (after my Web2s age out next month, and before recruiting). I daresay they'd likely follow me, if I said I was going to be a Bear leader elsewhere. Perhaps not, but I'm fairly confident of that.

 

They wouldn't HAVE a Pack if I go; it's that simple. I don't say that with any snark, that's just the simple truth of it (as the situation stands NOW, that is).

 

@ Qwazse -- No, after our May Pack meeting, we have no "official" gatherings. There's a concert in the park across the street from my house; I said, "Come picnic!" I'll be on vacay near a water park in July; I said, "We'll be there that Saturday if anyone wants to come there." Etc... I just made a summer calendar of things that I'll happen to be doing, anyway. No Pack business until late Aug/early Sep.

 

I'm sorry; I don't mean to be high-maintenance or panic-driven...I tend to ...think out loud. I'm going to call this other female Cubmaster and pick her brain a little bit, and see what insights she may have.

 

Again, THANK YOU all for your time and care. I really appreciate all of the good words!!

 

 

 

[AnnLaurelB]

@ LisaBob -- Thanks; as a matter of fact, I started crafting a note last night to the DE and my UC, explaining that I understand the issue of "having to name somebody," (reference the "keep the Pack alive" pressure), but that as a PARENT, I am simply not comfortable with him steering the boat.

 

Add to that the fact that I find him personally difficult to work with, and I'm just not sure I can do it.

 

One of the lines that keeps coming up at Committee meetings (from the Old Ghosts) is, "Well, sure, that's how THEY say it SHOULD be done, but in a small Pack, it has to be done differently." (Translation: Yes, it's the COR's job to GET the help...but, we're delegating that to YOU. Go forth."

 

The COR is the guy who WON'T show up to meetings, and is the "ghostiest" of them all. BUT! As you point out, his name is on the Charter in that position of responsibility, not mine, as COR, so if I tell him I'm walking if the nutty guy is Chair, then it's not my call what he chooses to do about it.

 

It is nuts. And I think you're right about taking the stand.

 

Oh! OH!!! The pastor just texted me; he was in on the counselling that took place when they removed the nutty guy as CM. He wants to talk to me about the Committee. Ooooh! The PLOT THICKENS!!! Stay tuned, race fans!

[moosetracker]

AnnL - you & I are basically in agreement. In "reality" you ARE the Pack.. If you walk, then the Pack in reality will fold.. But officially the CM is not the one to decide to disband the Pack, the one to make that decision is A) the COR B) the CC..

 

Now if the only person who can steer the plane parachutes out, then the reality is the plane crashes.. unless someone steps up NOW, and attempts to run it..

 

It is just officially you can not say "If you don't do this, I will disband the Pack.. Go elsewhere.." Because that is not your call.. It is the COR's & CC's call, and can be done when all that is left is the dysfuctional ex-CM & son, and the grandmother & her grandson.. But maybe they wont.. They can put more paper adults on the roster, and it is difficult (not impossible) to add paper scouts.. Then as long as they pay their dues the DE can turn a blind eye..

 

All you can say if "If you don't do this, I will leave.." then let them figure out the inevitable from that statement.

 

First time to step up and mean buisness with the pastor.. Good luck, and stay determined and mean buisness..

[ScoutNut]

Just something to keep in mind -

 

You said you live in a small town. Folks in your town must be aware, at least somewhat, of the problems in your Pack, and Troop.

 

Why would anyone, in their right mind, want to register their child in that dysfunctional hornets nest? Especially if there are other, better, options around?

 

I simply do not see the Pack getting very many new families willing to deal with this Pack's MAJOR leadership, and program (why register with a Pack when you are basically doing Lone Scouting), issues.

 

 

[neil_b]

Just wanted to add in a few years hopefully your boy will be crossing over into a troop, so if you change packs join one that has a good troop. That way your boy can stay with the same group when they move up. Find out how many older boys the troop has. If the oldest active boy is 14 you probably have a troop that has problems and people drop out quickly. If there are several active boys of high school age it is a good sign the troop is doing something right or they wouldn't still be hanging around.

[AKdenldr]

Find a pack and move your son's den there. Don't linger. Your son's years in cub scouts are short and he deserves a good program. Take your talents and energy elsewhere where they can bear fruit because you are supported.

 

Don't linger.

 

Perhaps the leaderless boys will follow. They deserve leaders too....

 

Don't linger.

[AnnLaurelB]

 

 

I think since the Pack's only been back in action for two years, the issues aren't at the forefront. And I think people see us at the Library or whatever and just think, "Oh, how cute." It IS a small town, but I think Cub Scouts is under the radar for people who aren't already in it; I'm not sure. But yeah, if you *described* the current dynamics to a prospective Cubbie, who'd volunteer for that?!?

 

I contacted the only other Mommy-Leader I know of, knowing only that she volunteers on the District level as an event coordinator. I didn't know her position within her son' Pack. Turns out she's the CC. She said, "What did you want to ask me about? Your email sounded sort of grim."

 

I said, "Do you have room for 6 Bears, if I need to find them a new Pack?"

 

She was quiet a second, and said, "Are we clear that YOU asked ME that, and NOT the other way around?" I told her yes, I'm asking if my son's Den becomes homeless *for whatever reason*, will they take the transfers. She said, "WELL, YEAH!" (I guess she doesn't want to be guilty of poaching--understandable).

 

We talked for a VERY long time, and she pointed out several things I hadn't been aware of (she's very procedurally oriented), and she pretty much backed up everything you all have said here (not that I doubted one scrap of it, but it was nice to hear it from someone I know, and who knows Ex-CM dude and all we've been through).

 

You know one thing she pointed out was that the DE's plan of going ahead with the recruiting night, THEN gathering all the parents and giving them an ultimatum really isn't fair. We did talk about what someone here suggested -- they don't leave the table until they have an adult registered -- but if that doesn't work, it's hard to take KID sign ups if you KNOW there aren't enough adults to lead them.

 

So I don't know if I'm comfortable going ahead with the recruiting night unless I know what this Pack has to offer -- and from what I heard out of the old guys on Thursday night, I'm already getting all I'm going to out of them.

 

The Troop question is a very good one!! Her Pack, for example, currently has 110 boys. They have a very active Troop; their Pack has 110 boys right now. They're pretty vital at both ends. So as far as that goes, it's a good choice. There ARE other Packs around here, who meet closer to my home, but they're the biggest. I may call around and chat with some CMs before I decide for sure.

 

I think it's a really good point that this is supposed to be fun (for both of us), and the years are short. Do I really want to spend them slaving to try to resuscitate a gasping program? It's hard to give up control, but my son has kind of gotten the short end of the stick in a lot of other areas of his life. Cub Scouts shouldn't be one of them, if it can be helped.

 

My talk with the CC of the other Pack ended with A LOT of new information and things for me to think about, but the bottom line is that when I talk to the pastor, he needs to be made to understand that the Chartering Organization is in charge of staffing this turkey, not me. It's THEIR responsibility to get the bodies, not mine. And if they can't do that, up to and including finding a RESPONSIBLE AND RELIABLE Committee Chair, then I'm not comfortable being CM.

 

So... I'm waiting for him to call me back. It's a formality, really. He can't deliver. But I'll follow protocol and give the CO the opportunity to cough up their end of the deal.