I gotta quit taking this personally...

[jamist649]

I lost a Scout yesterday. Well, at least I'm pretty sure I've lost him. I asked his family about the Pinewood Derby and they looked all deer-in-the-headlights and said "uhh, I don't think he's gonna...do that." Translation: We're done.

 

I don't know what turned them away, the boy seemed to really like the program. Joined as a Tiger last year, has been active up until the last meeting, then...nothing. But Mom has been asking questions lately about meetings, schedules, etc. I guess our program is a little too active...but I'm only guessing.

 

So, again, not big deal I suppose. That's why Packs are usually big and the Troops aren't quite as large. I tell myself to focus on the "core" Scouts. The ones who are at every meeting, who get the work done and who seem to enjoy it. But it's hard not to take the rejection personally.

 

Anyway, this makes 5 or 6 that I've lost out of our original 43 so I guess that's not too bad. Just makes me sad that this family didn't see us as a priority.

 

Thanks for listening.

[momof2cubs]

jamist, it happens. Specially in the Cub Scouts beginnings (i.e Tiger and Wolf). Parents sign up thinking the kid will look cute in the uniform, they get a nice activity once or twice a month to get dropped off to, and maybe send them camping once a year.

 

They don't realize that it IS a commitment on both the kid and the parent, it is work (but it can be fun work!), it is NOT a babysitting service, and that it could possibly interfere with other stuff.

 

I rather have 20 scouts committed and proud to be scouts than 45 where half of them are only in it half-a$$ed.

 

I stopped taking it personally, because the adults in my Pack are for the most part really awesome people who give their all to make it a fun and successful program for the kids. It is THEIR loss, not yours.

[perdidochas]

Scouting isn't for every boy (or family). I don't take anything personally, in terms of kids quitting. They each have a different reason.

[Basementdweller]

It is easier for most familys to take their kids to soccer practice and sit in the car and listen to the radio a couple nights a week than scouting.

 

where you will be asked to do things. Like have in depth hard conversations with your family.

 

 

I spent a lot of time chasing lost scouts. I will make a phone call or two, but that is it. I stopped knocking on doors and sicing the boys on them at school.

 

I will concentrate my efforts on the boys who want to be active.

 

 

[jamist649]

I hear ya Basement. Just read your post about your PWD...geez I thought *I* had problems. You are to be commended for your committment to this Pack. Sometimes those who need it the most (the boys) are those that are hardest to reach. God bless you in your efforts...and shame on me for being petty.

 

As far as the lost Scouts, I'm pretty sure it's the family with this boy. I have found that ALL kids will occasionally NOT want to go to the meetings/games/events/etc that entails extracirricular activity. The secret to keeping the boys involved really lies with the PARENTS. "Hey, Johnny I know you don't want to go today, but the other boys are really looking for you to help do XXXX and YYYY" or "Hey Bobby, you made a promise to Do Your Best, that means doing your best to be there, do you know what a Promise means?" I'm afraid we just don't instill these values in our kids anymore. The first time the boy tells the parent that they "dont want to" go, the parent says "OK!!" and gleefully does whatever else they wanted to do.

 

 

[mikecummings157]

Don't take it personally; it happens to all of us. 90% of time time it's the parents, as other posters have noted. Do your best to deliver the program and try to have fun!

[Hawkrod]

Loss of youth is difficult even though it is also expected. For all of the reasons given, and many more, we have to expect that at some point, someone will not move forward. I remember when I was a WDL, I had one boy who just hated being a Scout but mom forced him. His dad had promised that if he finished Cubs he could quit and not become a Boy Scout. I tried everything in my bag of tricks. I know he had fun and enjoyed every bit of what we did but when the time came he dropped and walked away. I actually felt like I had failed him. I still see him and he has since told me that if his mother had not been the way she was, he would have kept going. It was not what I had done, it was what she had done. For a couple of years I had walked around thinking I had failed him.

[Eagle007]

I actually heard of someone address a group of scouts during a meeting and tell them that if they, meaning individually, didn't want to be with this group and participate in the activities/act right then they needed to find another unit that would better suit their needs. I think that was putting it pretty bluntly. I believe the point was well taken.

[CalicoPenn]

Before assuming that you lost this family, might I suggest another contact to be sure? Isn't it possible, based on the "deer in the headlights" look you got when you mentioned the PWD that it dawned on the parents that "oops, we forgot to work with our son on building his PWD car and we don't have time to do it before the meeting so it's best if we don't attend that meeting so little Johnny isn't the only Cub not there racing a car"?

[Basementdweller]

We have built cars day of the derby....they are not pretty but the boy raced.

[qwazse]

Become a crew advisor, then you get youth who are really apologetic that they can't fit it all in and can't recharter (or the young lady who's mom is wigged out by the co-ed thing and won't let her join).

 

I reply "as long as you're not robbing liquor stores to buy drugs, I'll be proud of you."

 

Still, deep down, there's a little piece of you that's heartbroken.

[dewASM]

I guess I see this a little differently. He has been active until the last meeting, so what makes you assume they are quitting? And his mother asked about schedules? So...

 

Maybe his mother is working overtime during tax season, his grandmother is sick, his brother is failing school, the roof leaks, the dog is dying,....

 

I think you get the idea. The reality is that scouting is only part of everyone's life. Wait a week or two, call, and just ask if everything is okay. Tell them the pack and den misses their son. Who knows they might be encouraged to return.

 

Case in point, I have a Scout (Boy scout not Cub) who has missed about two months of meetings. But it's a small town, so I know his dad was sent back to jail and his mom works nights tending bar. Every time I see him, I tell him we miss him. I send him notices of all events. He'll be back, probably, when life is not so hard. And even if he doesn't come back, he'll know someone continues to think about him.

 

Sometimes the problems are not so obvious. And sometimes life just interferes.

 

 

[afscout]

I know exactly how you're feeling. I'm about to lose a wolf. Great kid coming from a single parent (mom) home. Could really use scouting to come out of his shell. Sister's in Girl Scouts and I think the mom is active in that troop, but not our den. He has only shown up for our pack's Halloween party, a trip to Mt. Vernon and a service project. He has never come to a den meeting and I get "sorry, I got home late, or I was really tired, etc." The den parents have offered to pick up the son and bring him to den meeting or other activites, but no. Being a first year DL, it's tough and I do feel that I failed him. The only that I can do is continue to provide a quality program for the others.

[jamist649]

I hope ya'll are right about him possibly NOT quitting. I know it's not right to have "favorites", but he was (secretly) one of my favorites. :-(

 

I've done all I can do facilitate the PWD with these folks (parents). The ACM and I set up a bandsaw, sanders, sandpaper, pencils, templates, markets, etc in my garage a couple of weeks ago and put the call out to all Scouts who would like some help to come over and we'd get the car cut out and sanded with them. We had pretty good response, but we had some that NEEDED to come that didn't make it. I'm also doing this AGAIN tomorrow for a couple that didn't make it but I still can't get an answer out of a couple that I KNOW need to come. So, if this boy wanted to race, we've certainly paved not just "a way" but an interstate 5 lane highway for him to do it. LOL

 

Anyway, time will tell. Thanks!

 

 

[Lisabob]

You can't reorder other people's priorities for them.

 

Keep it light. Families who want to participate, will. Those who are halfway into it may, over time, get more involved. Those who just don't want to do it, won't, no matter what you do or say anyway. And a few who would like to but have bigger issues to deal with in their lives, will be more likely to hang in there with you if they don't feel scorned, judged, or looked down upon for handling things as best they can (whether it meets your standards or not). It is one thing to offer a friendly helping hand, another for people to feel badgered when they're maybe doing the best they can to hold things together as it is.