Dealing with Difficult Parents

[OldGrayOwl]

One thing that you can tell them is "Since you are SO unhappy with me, why don't you go and contact the Charter Organization and tell them not to PAY you for the last X number of months (be sure that you tell your COR this first). Maybe when they realize that you are doing this not because of the big bucks, but out of your love for the boys, maybe they will back off.

[Beavah]

Yah, I'm with E83, eh?

 

This stuff can drive yeh nuts if yeh let it, radfordjr. Often times yeh find that parents are more petty than their kids are.

 

If you're going to be effective as a leader in a youth program, you have to have feathers. Make like a duck, let the random rainstorm roll off. Don't get any more upset about it than you would about a two-year-old throwing a temper tantrum when he's tired. It's just the way two-year-olds are, eh? Same with some parents. It's just the way they are, and yeh aren't going to change it.

 

All you can change is how much you let it bother you. So don't.

 

I wouldn't hold meetings over old stuff like this. It'll just cement the bad attitude. Keep an eye on it, and if somethin' substantive comes up again (like the alcohol), then hold a meeting when it's "fresh".

 

In the future, I would echo Scoutfish and not be shy about medical conditions. Nothing embarrassing about it, and the explanation to the boys is a good one, eh? We want to be an example to the boys of being helpful, so when we can't be because our bodies won't let us it's good to give them an explanation. And then thank them for being especially helpful for you!

 

Beavah

 

(This message has been edited by Beavah)

[gwd-scouter]

I would like to comment on the health issue since it is a problem I face as well. Do be honest and upfront about it with the boys and their parents. About five years ago I started developing strange symptoms of random arthritis, muscle pain, fatigue, and a lot of other stuff. Took several years, but finally got to a diagnosis of lupus and fibromyalgia. Over the years, my involvement in outdoor activities with the troop kept decreasing to the point now that I cannot camp overnight, spend more than a few hours outdoors in heat, sun, or humidity, must rest every four to six hours, and a lot of other limitations.

 

The boys and adult leaders in the Troop knew something was going on with me - they could see it happening. However, a couple of years ago I decided I could no longer try to fight through the symptoms, it was time to accept my limitations, and I let everyone know about my condition and that it would probably be best for me to step down as SM. Guess what? Still here as SM. The boys, adults, and parents felt that we had enough ASMs and well-trained youth leaders to handle the outdoor stuff and want me to stay on to take care of training and mentoring the youth leaders and adults.

 

Now that we have a fantastic group of well-trained adult leaders and the next generation of youth leaders is trained and working well together, my time as SM is likely drawing to a close.

[kari_cardi]

I agree with Beavah and E83 that re-hashing the old issues is pointless. I think your best move at this point is to recruit one of the private school parents in a leadership position. Preferably several parents, and I would use flattery to do it. Den leader or assistant den leader of the new den is a possibility, but I would try to find another volunteer/position as well and I would try to not put two private school parents as den leaders together. Right now you have a group within your group. It is easy for that group to be critical and voice 'concerns' when they are unto themselves. Integrate the difficult parents into the pack leadership as much as you can. I bet you will find the critical attitude and threats to leave go away when they become part of the 'problem' side of the issue.

[perdidochas]

Radford,

 

I sympathize with you. You are dealing with what my wife encountered teaching at a private school a few years ago--the Private school carpool conversations. Everybody at the private school knows about what a horrible den leader you are (according to them), and they are probably worked up in rage when your name comes up. When you talk to them, it will be as if everything is ok. Just go on to be cubmaster, and don't worry about them.

[radfordjr]

Well I can honestly say I have recieved allot of feedback. I am going to move on as CM. My pastor gave a great sermon over the weekend about how Wise people are peace makers and that some times when you deal with difficult people its better just to listen to their issue and then just let it be their issue unless there is merit to it. Plus as many of you have wrote some times its just better to focus on the the positive people and just not worry about those 10 families. Its amazinging how 10 sets of parents can cause such insanity for the rest of us

[SctDad]

I have had leaders come to me and tell me that there might be some complaints about his meeting, because he forgot something and had to put together a few things on the fly.

 

I told him something and I will tell you the same thing.

 

Have them fill out the Official BSA "Complaint Form" BSA form number 524-501A. There is a $16 processing fee along with supporting documentation that must be turned in.

 

Be careful what you complain about, you may be asked to fix it.

 

BTW, 524-501A is the Adult Application

[radfordjr]

That is so funny are you serious there really is a complaint form

[radfordjr]

That is so funny are you serious there really is a complaint form

[perdidochas]

Radfordjr,

 

The complaint form is to become a leader yourself.

[radfordjr]

oh I should of caught on to that one

[SctDad]

radfordjr

 

Form 524-501A is an adult application. Processing fees are the registration costs and supporting documentation is the YP required training.

 

I have found that most want to complain until they are asked to step up and do something about it.

[denleader09]

SctDad, that is hilarious. I forwarded that my comittee chair and we had a good laugh. While that is our approach when someone complains, your wording is perfect!