Buddy System Q and other advice PLEASE!

[dmillar71]

Boy, lot's of stuff to go through here. concernedparent, just know you're not alone. Now, here's how I'd handle the issue at hand.

 

1) As the CM, have a private conversation with the parent and Tiger Den Leader. Hear what she has to say, but be firm with the main point of Tiger's, that she (or another family adult) needs to be with the Tiger AT ALL TIMES. There's no bending on this.

 

2) Make sure you point out that the Buddy System is just a safety mechanism to ensure the boys safety during outings. It is not meant as a social network or instant friend generator, and certainly does not replace the requirement that a parent or family member be present with the boy at all times.

 

3) Explain the Pack Rules in regards to the Tiger's behavior. Telling Adults to shut-up, bullying, and physical confrontations with Scouts and Adults are not acceptable and repeated violations will result in the Tiger's removal from the Pack.

 

Obviously remain calm during the discussion, but don't budge on any of the above points. It really does sound like the mom is at wit's end and is looking for help. There's no reason why Scouting can't help them out, but there's obviously steps they have to take on that journey.

[Snow_White]

"A few notes of clarification.

 

He said to let my committee chairperson know because if he is to be removed from the pack it has to come from the Committee. I can't do it myself as Cubmaster. Additionally I do know this -- I need to be careful with this one because I don't want to have a lawsuit slapped on me...

 

Your DE is wrong. The CO can remove the CC, not the committee.

 

And even if you unilaterally tried to remove the CC, you wouldn't get slapped with a lawsuit. Volunteer Scouting isn't like a paid job."

 

Shortridge, I think the OP was trying to say that s/he was told that if the Scout is to be removed from the pack is has to be by the committee, not the CM. (I have no idea if this is true or not, but this must be what the DE said. I don't think they want to remove the CC.) I also don't believe that this falls into lawsuit territory - there is nothing that says a pack has allow anyone to be a member, is there?

 

[Basementdweller]

While it is noble to reach out to the mom.......what is the cost gonna be to the pack. Just went thru this, It isn't pretty fun or anything else nice.

 

I do not have the time or the resources for this. This is Cub scouting not family counciling. My job is to provide the Cub scouting program to as many boys as possible. This woman is making that much more difficult than it should be.

 

I still contend you wasting your time and resources with mom. Sure the easy road is to boot her and the scout out, your other volunteers are already telling you they will not help if she is involved.. So it has already degraded in to a her or us scenerio.

[Scoutfish]

I guess I am in the middle as to what I think, but I tend to follow Basements advice.

 

Yeah, the mom is in tears. She needs help.

 

The problem is this: We are not in a program that offers "that" kind of help. Do I tell mom I can fix her kid? Do I not say that, but try to? What is wrong with him? Beats me, I am not trained in that! I MIGHT help him, I MIGHT screw him up worse!

 

But I do have to ask...does anybody else see some red flags here? The scout in question is a Tiger, yet, they have been through a bunch of packs already?

 

Why? Did the other packs tell her she was part of the Adult Buddy as required bt BSA? Did she just not like that? Does she think she can decide to ignore that rule?

 

Or maybe she has other kids who are the same way? How many other packs decided that mom was too much drama, that her "Perfect little angel" was too much to handle and that all in all, she brought the program down for others?

 

Maybe mom is going to go from pack to pack until she finds one that will put up with her .

 

Storming off every time she gets upset? Without her kid?

 

UH-UH! Not in my pack!

 

I will tell you why she is in tears: She is reaping what she sowed.

 

As person, I feel bad for her. As a Cub Master, I have a responcibility to my pack. The ENTIRE pack. I cannot, nor will I demean and break down the program for the benefit of one kid and parent who have no concern for anybody but themselves.

 

As an adult leader, I already had to handlea mom last year who dropped off her Tiger without telling anybody, then freaking out when she came to pick him up ( 20 mins early) and couldn't describe to the committee members standing in the foyer, what he was wearing. She freaked out and said that we were ..ummm, let me put this nicely) a bunch of idiots who needed to learn something about kids and responcibilty. She couldn't believe that we ran such a shoddy program, and that they would not be coming back!

 

Yeah, from the mom who dropped her Tiger off without telling anybody at all, didn't know her son's den number, the den leaders name ( we had 3 Tiger dens), or what her son was wearing!

 

And somehow it was totally and completely all our fault and not even a teeny bit hers!

 

Maybe I'm a jerk, but I do not miss or feel bad about not having that scout AND the baggage that comes with him. Okay, I hate it for her son, but cannot take the baggage that comes with him. My pack did not, nor does it have the rescources , time or want - to have to devote untold extra effort to suit that mom.

 

Again, what Basement said: You have to weigh the needs of the entire pack against her and her son.

[Basementdweller]

Scoutfish in an earlier post it was said she also has a 15 year old boy scout. It is possible that she is revering to her experiences when he was a cub

[Basementdweller]

Scoutfish in an earlier post it was said she also has a 15 year old boy scout. It is possible that she is revering to her experiences when he was a cub

[Greaves]

I would suggest explaining to the mother what the Pack expects of her--that is, that SHE is expected to be her son's buddy. There's a reason Tigers are required to have an Adult Partner--so the volunteer leadership can lead the group, and the AP can manage the kid. (well, that's part of it, anyway)

 

Depending on her response to a clear explanation of the expectations, they stay or they are suggested to look for another Pack. They're new--maybe they just need to have things clearly explained so they can get on board. And maybe she'll stomp off in a snit. Either way, you've made your Pack's position clear.

[Scoutfish]

Basement, yeah, That's what I am talking about. Her son is a Tiger, so to say this is the worst pack so far...she's played this game before. Done the same thing with her first son, possibly second, concieveably her third?

 

If she's been through a bunch of packs...it seems like she's not accepting the answers she's getting ,and waiting to find one that allows her to just leave at a whim.