What? No women in the kitchen? B&G Cake Auction

[lulu1212]

Like many packs, we have a cake auction at our B&G. The rules drive me absolutely crazy. They explicity say only Dad's and scouts can bake cakes and there "absoluely be no advice, insturction or help of any sorts from Mom"....this theme is repeated in the rules. I happen to have 2 boys in my Den who don't have Dad's around to bake cakes with due to divorce and no involvement.

 

I've brought this issue to the pack last year and then again this year with no change to the rules. They told our single Mom's to jsut go ahead and bake the cakes with their scout but the Mom's chose not to...they felt really uncomfortable and chose not to participate so they didnt' feel they had to bend the strongly stated rules. I think this is a shame considering they participate in EVERY other pack activity. The other called in an uncle to work with her scout but the scout felt terribe about the whole ordeal.

 

Nowhere else in cub scouting have I seen such a strong emphasis on selecting a specific sex parent for an activity. And besides, aren't we well beyond this aniquated sterotype??? In my house, my husband does all of the cooking so making a cake isn't such an enormous feat like the pack makes it out to be. There's also a Dad in our pack that's a pastry chef which makes the whole thing even more ludicrous.

 

Anyway, is it just me or does the cake auction rules crazy??? Advice?

[DeanRx]

Its just you.

 

Do you have a daughter? I wonder what your take on the whole "Father / Daughter" Dance would be in girl scouts?

 

I don't mean to offend, but it sounds like your pack has a tradition of making the "bake off" a funny thing by having a dad and son (who together might not know a thing about baking), try to turn out a masterpiece.

 

If anything - I'd think as a woman you might find this type of event refreshing, because it enlightens a man (and his son) to the fact that baking (at least baking well), is not an easy task.

 

They might come away from the event with a good laugh and a new found respect for how their wife / mother turns out such good eats on a consistent basis.

 

As for the single parents - either let them name a stand in (uncle / grandfather / etc), or if they're so inclined let them do it with their son.

 

Other than that - sounds like hypersensitity to me.

 

Dean

[AnniePoo]

Sounds like they should re-write the rules. I'd suggest contacting the committee chair and meet with him/her one on one to discuss this. Be non-confrontational but firm. Also, offer to do the re-write yourself. Or, maybe you could prepare a draft to have in-hand when meeting with them.

[kbandit]

When my sons were in Cubs the pack asked that he made his cake with a person who does NOT cook on a regular basis. This pack had themes also. One year it was the Lion King. Well hubby and son made the ruins. This cake was 3 foot by 4 foot. Cost $40 to make and $60 to buy back. Priceless. Got the award for biggest cake. LOL Some things you just don't forget.

 

The pack also had the requirement that the kitchen got cleaned after the cake was made.

 

Thanks for the memory.

[rjscout]

I like the rewording idea. Some parents are sensitive about bending the rules. What sort of example does that leave our kids, to bend the rules when it is convenient? Offer the updated rules as a solution so that your concerns don't get viewed as complaining. Action is problem solving!

[shortridge]

Yeah, those rules should be updated. That's silly and sexist.

[Rythos]

I'd like these rules, but that could be due to the fact that I'm the dad and I went to culinary school for Pastry work

 

Ry(This message has been edited by rythos)

[ScoutNut]

Yes, the rules could be rewritten a bit. They could spell out alternatives better.

 

However, let's not forget the point of these activities is to give the child a chance to do a special activity, and bond with one of their loved ones.

 

It does not matter if the father is a professional Pastry Chef. Perhaps while baking with his son he can share share his love of cooking with him, and give him some insight into just why dad does this for a living.

 

Remember that just because a couple is divorced does not mean that both parents are not still active in their child's life. And if one is not, this is a great way to encourage a renewed bonding.

 

Many Cub aged boys also have other male relatives in their life. There are big brothers, uncles, grandfathers. This is a great opportunity to bond with them. Make it a Saturday family get together and have FUN.

 

There are also close family friends. Invite the Scout's best buddy and his family over for an evening of baking and games.

 

It should NEVER be an ORDEAL. That is just plain nuts!

 

BTW - I would ask why there is no Mom & Scout event!

 

 

[Lisabob]

We had a "macho man" cake bake. Due to a high percentage of kids in situations where "dad" wasn't available we simply requested that the boys make the cake with a male relative or family friend. That gave enough latitude that everybody could fit in. In all the years we did this, and with a wide variety of reasons for absent dads (everything from prison to divorce to death to military service and more), we never once had any problem with this. Had we made it explicitly "dad and lad" then we probably would have had more difficulties, given the family backgrounds of many boys in the pack.

 

I am not one to stick to rigidly defined gender roles, and the last thing I would want to do is embarrass a mom who is on her own, or make her and her child feel unwelcome at a scout event. Still though, there's something to the idea of helping boys develop relationships with male role models, whether it is dad or grandpa, or an uncle, or the neighbor. Having another positive adult in their lives to do fun things with is seldom a bad thing for any kid. So that was the focus of our "macho man" cake bake - an opportunity to do something together. Just like pinewood derby really isn't so much about the car, the cake bake really isn't about the cake.

[frank10]

Just wait, it gets even more complex

When you hit Webelos age...

Mom's boyfriend can't share a tent with the scout.

 

when you hit Boy Scout age...

What to do with the mother pin when there is a step mom and a mom or when there is no mom...

 

BTW: I like Lisa idea of any male will do.

[lulu1212]

Thank you all for the responses....you made some great points and gave sound advice. Admittedly, I'm probably a little more heated about the issue because I've seen how it affected Moms and scouts in my den. The suggestions to actually write the copy are great. It would be a lot harder for the committee to ignore me if I've done the work. I don't even mind if the rules suggest that scouts should take on the challenge and bake with someone who doesn't really know their way around the kitchen...I know this is meant to be fun. It just needs to be worded in a way so non-traditional families can jump in on the fun too. However, since I don't cook I may be backing myself into a corner here :-)

 

For the guy who gave the father/daughter dance example---point well taken but I do think the cake auction is different. If the father/daughter dance invite said that only Dad's can attend with their daughters because we all know every Dad has 2 left feet and they're absultuely not allowed to take any lessons or advice from Mom it would really change the meaning of the whole thing, don't you think? The cake auction rules can so easily be changed to include everyone. Also, the cake rules are making sexist assumptions that men can't cook (and woman can!) which isn't the right message to send cub scouts.

 

Anyway, thanks again to all. I'm new to this forum and it's great to know there's help out there when you need it! I have been rolling this around in my head far too long and I'm ready to take some action to make it right.

[Karen_216]

I like this idea I think I'm going to suggest a similar event in my pack.- what about a grandad or uncle? I do think there are times when you need to make exceptions if there is no male that can fill in but als on the other end encourage your sons to have a male role model if ther is not one in the house(and visa-versa). I think it encourages the idea that men also need to be able to do for themselves in the kitchen.

I would also suggest a mom-son time- maybe they need to build something or do a webelos requirement such as the car care- forget what badge that is.

[Lisabob]

I don't think the idea of the cake bake is necessarily to be sexist. In the number of years that I was involved with the "macho man" cake bake as I described above, I was always interested to see that a great many men enjoy, and are rather good and creative with, cooking. In our house, my husband used to be a professional chef and has passed his love of cooking on to our son (and to me). In fact I would say that making this a "male" event rather than a "fumbling idiots in the kitchen" event actually helped to dispel some gender role myths, as boys learned that "real men" cook and bake too.

 

By the way, when you get to boy scouts probably most, though by no means all, adult leaders will be men. And the majority of the men in boy scouts who I have met are pretty decent cooks with a particular affinity for dutch oven cooking. Cooking contests are a regular part of many boy scout activities, both for the boys and the adults, and a boy who knows how to cook well will quickly become a highly valued member of his patrol. While few boys would be excited about earning a sewing merit badge (! If there were such a thing!), many voluntarily earn the cooking merit badge, and they like it!

 

So I guess I'm saying...this cake bake need not reinforce gender stereotypes at all, unless you frame it that way of course.

[CalicoPenn]

Wouldn't just one simple sentence take care of this whole issue?

 

"Single-parent families are exempt from this rule - please participate and enjoy some quality time with your Cub"

 

Single parent families have not been all that unusual since the 1970's - it's now 2009. How long will it take to drag well-meaning folks kicking and screaming into this new millenium of ours? Haven't we gotten to the point where we have figured out how to be inclusive and thoughtful of single-parent familes yet?

 

Lulu - you sound like just the person your Pack needs to make a positive change happen for the single-parent familes in your Pack. Go for it!

 

Calico

[lulu1212]

Calico-

Thanks for the encouragement. And you're right that just a little rewording is all that's needed. I wish the leaders in my pack were as clear-thinking as the scouters on this forum. They looked at me like I had 3 heads when I suggested we re-work the rules to be more sensitive. The response was simply "this is the way we've always done it and we've never had a problem...next issue"

 

And just to set the record straight, I think it's great to encourage the boys to learn to cook and to bond with Dad or any other male in the process. And I do think this is a fun opportunity and it is of course, all in the name of fun and charity. I'm not trying to wreck a tradition here, just loosen the language a bit so it doesn't make the family that doesn't fit the mold or the couple that doesn't fit the sterotype feel like it's not an event they can particiapte in. When my 2 scouts bake their cake each year with my husband, it's just another day in the kitchen with Dad. He does all the cooking and they often work right along side him and I think it's wonderful. They'll make good husbands some day!

 

One more thing I forgot to mention in my original post...there's also a prize for the cake that is "obviously made by Mom". Guess who made that cake last year....the Dad that's a pastry chef. Go figure. Maybe his scout would have felt more proud if they won the "best overall cake" or "most creative".