New Trouble in Troop w/ Picky Eater

[Mike Long]

I am all for keeping kids in the program. I hate the thought of telling a family to go elsewhere. But I refuse to make the Scouts and families of our troop into being unknowing participants in an amatuer mental therapy group for a dysfunctional family.

 

The other families came here for a reason, that reason is Scouting. Scouting can change people, Scouting can address many faults but Scouting is not a cure-all. We are volunteers not licensed mental health care providers and family counselors.

 

We can work wonderous positive changes in kids IF THE PARENTS WORK WITH US TOWARDS A COMMON GOAL. This has been proven to me many many times. We can do very little if the kid goes home to parents that denigrate and slander us.

 

If and when you remove them you need to talk to you charter org about it too. Maybe her removel might help repair the damage to the troop/charter relationship that they caused.

[little dove]

Well we still have to wait to meet with the offenders. They did not show up for the last day of the festival for work and clean up and did not show for the very next meeting. She thinks she is punishing us by doing this. The father is there but not there, another story. She takes pride in telling us how her kids tell her to f*** off (excuse me for that) and laughs about it. She had her son show me a new trick at our pancake fundraiser. Watch the bird appear from under the napkin, so he covers his hand and you can guess what kind of bird appeared. I said that was inappropriate, he did it 2 more times without his mom and I told him I had better not see that again, period. Like I had said she was told to leave Girl Scouts for her and her daughters behavior and also told to leave another Scout troop because of her and her son. There are many issues and more than I think we can fix or help with. At first I thought differently being the optimist. This boy is only 11 years old, what will he do at 16. Like my Dad said when I would bring home stray animals and cry over the ones I didn't, "You can't save them all". Thank you everyone again for your seasoned advice and your time to answer. Will let you know when all is said and done.

little dove

[akela]

maybe this is your blessing, they won't come back, can you get that lucky. Just take the BSA motto and " Be Prepared" when they do!

 

Good luck

Supermom

[scomman]

I'm sorry but I am sticking to my guns on this one. The boy and the parent gotta go. I hate to give up on a boy but there are many underlying problems that the parent may have that aren't being addressed. When she teaches her kids to say a obscenity in public and laughs at it. NO way would she be allowed back at all or her son.

 

We like to keep scouting for all boy's but I think this person would take up all the leadership attentions and force other kids to leave. If he is left in the troop he won't learn that are consequences to his actions and he has to pay them. Even with the suspension and SM conferences I still feel he won't learn the lesson that is being taught. It is easy to say sorry without meaning it.

[Mike Long]

I'm re-reading this thread and I'd like to point out that this family didn't get the message the first two times by being removed from another Scout Troop AND a Girl Scout troop.

 

What makes anyone think that they are suddenly going to wise up now?

 

Some folks are content in their lack of class and decency and don't want to change.

 

[sctmom]

This family has to go or stop (which is unlikely) or you going to lose others from the troop. Why does this woman even bother with putting her children in Scouts if she doesn't want them to live by the Scout Oath and promise? I'm so amazed at people like this.

 

My 11-year old has behaviorial problems, but he suffers the consequences (he is spending this weekend in isolation with his school books and a couple of novels). And he did nothing compared the child in this thread! My son recently learned a vulgar phrase that he had no idea what it meant, but he understood me very clearly to NEVER say that again. He hears his uncle cuss a lot, but knows that he better not utter one of those words.

 

As someone else said "you can't save them all". Sounds like this child is going to soon turn to drugs and sex, never finish high school and have been arrested by the time he is 16. The whole family needs serious help, much more than is avaiable through scouting.

 

Good luck and stick by your guns!

 

[Venturer2002]

What kind of church involvement does this boy have? (or synagogue or temple, etc.) I know that in this great big book I once read from, this one guy said "Hate the sin, love the sinner". This seems to work in the presented context. I would strongly advise a referral to a place of worship, because as the BSA recognizes, no person can grow to become the right kind of citizen without serving his duty to .

[denver4und@aol.com]

Well gosh, seems like lots of good will. That isn't the problem. There are two problems that must be focused upon.

 

1. killing animals is wrong. It violates the "kind" plank of scout law. It is in fact the number one indicator of person with serious mental defects who will often turn out to be a people/child abuser or career criminal. [Fact, not myth--ask any psych professional].

 

2. if the mom "threatens violence" that's called assault in all states [present statement of intent with ability to carry it out is an assault, unlawful use of force is a battery].

 

The scoutmaster and troop committee should immediately meet with chartered institution head and go over facts. End of meeting should be a letter signed by chartered unit head (that's why they get the big bucks!) telling family they are out until the issues have been addressed and they have a letter from qualified professionals evidencing treatment and progress.

 

I teach a variety of courses, including Youth Protection and Harassment/Discrimination in the workplace. There is a real qualitative difference between misbehavior and behavior evidencing severe mental or emotional problems. YOu got the latter, and it must be dealt with.

 

good luck.

 

yis jim

[Venturer2002]

It was the belief of Lord Robert Baden Powell that no person can be complete without a firm belief system of some sort, of their choosing. It also is the stated policy of the BSA that atheists aren't welcome, a policy that I firmly stand behind. I have dealt with many kids like him, they're disturbed, and a holistic approach to this situation should be taken.

 

You can treat the mind and psyche of a person,

but unless their soul is also bandaged up in the process than it will all come to naught.

Believe me, I do accept that psychiatry works to some degree in some instances, but you're not addressing the problem at hand: a spiritual blackhole.

 

I also agree with suspension until they can shape up, but I still urge little dove and their Troop to take another look at the situation.(This message has been edited by Venturer2002)

[guzugi]

GIVE THEM BOTH THE TOAD TREATMENT!!!

 

eric