New Trouble in Troop w/ Picky Eater

[little dove]

New news on picky eater. Went on another outing, baseball game (scout night thing). After the game they got to campout on the outfield and they showed a movie for the scouts. This boy kept disappearing and running off with his friends (scouts at another troop). He even refused to come back until the adults went to get him. My son had found a small toad, one scout and picky eater came over, the scout asked if he could see it, my son went over to unroll his sleeping bag and heard the two boys yelling. When he walked up and saw the picky eater had been throwing the toad against the wall until it exploded and said "I hate toads". The first scout said that picky eater had thrown it against the wall about 5 times. We had our festival that same weekend, me and another mother ran it Friday night so the boys could go to the game. 3 days we had garbage detail (we get paid from the town), me and the mother did it Friday (I believe that I never ask of someone what I would not or have not done myself)and the boys were to do it Saturday and Sunday. Saturday night picky's mother decided to show up and her part was to walk around, get something to eat, take her son to see the sights and complain. Garbage detail time came, 3 boys went (one was the SPL) after about 15 min., the SPL came back and said he couldn't find picky eater, I'm thinking the worst. So we started a search. He's with his friends and mom at the outer most corner of the festival and I came up and said that he needed to be doing his job like the other boys. Mom and him started walking away without a word, I repeated myself, still walking, I said it again. She turned and screamed at me that they had heard me and he had a right to visit with his friends and to back off. I said,yes he can visit with friends, but he does not have the right to disappear with out a word and panic everyone. After that he still didn't do his job, I helped the boys. I am tired of trying to deal with it. I have tried to talk to her nicely but it gets out of hand sometimes. She is foul mouthed and threatens you with voilence, she will later say she was just joking about taking you out and pounding the %"&** out of you. She was told to leave the GSA and was told to leave another troop for these very same things. She complains loud enough for people to over hear but not to their face. We just started our troop and did a couple of pancake breaksfast fundraisers with our charter fire dept. to get all of us aquainted, her remarks were heard and the fire chief came to us about it. So now they don't want to do anything with us again. How do you have someone not be in your troop anymore without them bad mouthing you or going to the council and say we are discriminating against them? Do you report it to someone? Are there papers to fill out? Do you tell them to leave and not come back? Have never had this problem and I am at a loss. If anyone knows, please let me know soon. Thank you eveyone for all your great input and concern. It's scouters like you that make all the bad worth going through and of course the boys that make your chest swell and bring a tear to your eye as you watch them grow and transform and know that you were part of it.

little dove

 

[jbroganjr]

Even if they triple your scout pay, 3 x 0 is still nothing. Since there is a history here of trouble, and the fact that threats and violence are absolutely not to be stood for, It is time for your troop to kindly show them the door. I would have done this the instance the toad was killed. I definitately would not tolerate a couple of times of a kid disappearing and creating a lost scouter situation. Scouting is supposed to be fun, get rid of this scout, otherwise the troop and rest of the boys will leave you first.

Tx.

Jbroganjr

[evmori]

I wouldn't kick them out. I would suspend the Scout for 30 to 60 days for what he did to the toad & everything else you said. I would advise mom (and dad) of the decision and tell them in order for their son to be able to return to the Troop, he must set up a meeting with the SM & CC to discuss his behavior & why it was wrong. If he doesn't seen remorseful then I would not let him back in the Troop until he does. Chances are he won't come back for the meeting after he has been suspended. And I wouldn't go looking for him either.

 

Ed Mori

Scoutmaster

Troop 1

1 Peter 4:10

[eisely]

I may have missed something in other posts, but is the mom of picky eater a registered volunteer? There is ample ground for suspending her membership as well, although that is a more involved process.

 

The prior advice is sound. Suspend the boy for 60 days and see if he bothers to show up. Re charter time is rolling around (assuming you are a calendar year) and that is a great opportunity to drop him from the rolls.

[ozemu]

Little Dove this is not meant to be helpful advice but meerly expresses my feelings on the matter....You should throw Picky Eater at his mum until they both explode.(This message has been edited by ozemu)

[dan]

That not scoutlike!

But it made me laugh!

The above is meant as humor not advice!

[eaglebackwhen]

So, McMom has turned into Dr Jekyll and Mrs. Mom..........

 

I agree with the others that the best way to handle the situation is to suspend the Scout based on his actions of animal cruelty. I doubt he would come back, and she will likely not return either.

 

As for Dr. Jekyll/Mrs. Mom, if she should threaten anyone again, especially in front of the Scouts; simply ask her "Did you just threaten me with bodily injury in the presence of minors?". In many states, just the mere verbal threat of violence in this form may be considered "Cruelty to Children", and a chargeable offense as such. As a Scouter, you have a responsibility to protect the Scouts from this situation, and may possibly have legal grounds to have her removed from that particular function, if not from the troop altogether. I know you don't want the situation to escalate any further than it already has, but for the sake of the Scouts and the troop, it may become necessary. If nothing else, it may put enough of a scare into her that she backs down, or hopefully, out.

 

NJScouter, if you're out there, whip out that Juris Doctor and give us your opinion........

[akela]

What a mess! I agree suspend the scout for 30 to 60 days and only upon a SM conference will he be able to return if his attitude is corrected. I would also suspend the parent from attending any troop activities until she can handle her angry in a manner more appropriate for scouting. I have bitten my tonuge several times, but I think you are about to bite yours in half. Make a list of all infractions before setting down with the scout and parent(s) and have the child sign acknowledging that he has been suspended and that he has received a written notification of why he was suspended. Cover your fanny. You can never be to careful. You sure do not want to find yourself in some type of lawsuit. Be sure to have all the adult leadership you can with you when you conference him (them).

 

Good luck

Cheryl(This message has been edited by supermom)

[Bob White]

This is a family that needs real professional medical help. The mother makes verbal threats of physical violence, the boy shows extreme cruelty to animals (one of the early warning signs of a dangerously violent individual). These people do not have a normal home life. Scouting may be able to help the scout but not without professional counseling to go along with it.

 

I would bring the parent or parents before the committee and tell them that the abuse exhibited by parent and child are beyond the scope of scouting and normal accepted behavior, and that until both seek professional counseling they will be unable to participate in the scouting program.

 

Your responsibility to the safety of the other youth members and adult volunteers outweigh the wants of a single family.

 

Bob White(This message has been edited by Bob White)

[eisely]

Well said.

[ozemu]

That's it Bob White. Eaglebackwhen and Supermom are right also in that you may need to have irrefutable evidence and documentation later. People like this can be vindictive or even worse something really bad might happen and you could use the fanny covering.

 

Scouting might need it to as well as your Troop so don't think that it is over-reacting.

 

By the way, if it all gets too bad I need a woman SM with drive in my Troop over here as I have seven girls and 12 boys. You couldn't get further away!

[Double Eagle]

Wow! Having thought about this a while and read the posts, definitely time for a meeting, have the parent present, with the SM, CC, COR, and even the committee. This will be one that you will probably win in the troop but lose the scout. From what I hear, he needs some real maturity quick, fast, and in a hurry. The answer is not with the troop. Its with the parent(s). She seems to be answering for her son. Time to hurt her feelings if it may. Its only a matter of time before other scouts and parents question whether the troop is worthy of their son's atention. The fire department is already doing that. Thank them for the time and efforts.

 

I know this is drastic, but time to put a stop to it now. There is no easy way. Based off the mother's attitude, she'll probably quit after the meeting. Better to have the committee agree and let the DE know of the problem and the decision. This is where her protest will be first addressed.

 

Stick to your guns and don't be bullied by her. Kinda' like the comment that ozemu made jokingly. hmmmmmm?

[Mike Long]

Ditto Bob White.

 

This clearly a case for removal.

Not suspension, removal.

 

I find threats of violence against another and the torture and subsequent killing of a living animal situations that qualify as youth protection violations. If the mother had threatened a scout we would all seek removal so how is it different and less dispicable that she threaten a Scouter? Do you really think that this person should be allowed in influence your Scouts? Do you think that a boy who enjoys killing should be allowed to influence your Scouts? 30 to 60 days would not be enough time to work out emotional/mental issues of this nature.

 

They don't need scouting, they need a mental health professional and then they might be ready to give scouting another go-round.

 

I'll tell you right now, do not worry about what these people will say about you. The vast majority of people see right through that garbage. Not only that, those sort of personalities have a not-so-subtle way of being noticed by everyone for what they are and usually have a reputation before they come to you. In the last blow-up I delt with the other parents of the troop found out who the agitator was and all replied that they all had had very negative experiences with her, don't worry about it.

[ScoutPerson]

One bad apple will spoil the rest and I would say youre at that point. I would tell them nicely to seek scouting elsewhere and I would use this opportunity to show your committee the need for training and why parents need to be trained if theyre going to participate (assuming shes not trained).

 

Kicking a kid out isnt the easiest thing to do and too often adults try to keep kids in. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesnt. Nobody likes to loose a boy from scouting, but sometimes it has to happen.

 

I had a boy caught shoplifting a few years back, at the local supermarket. After thinking about it and many heated discussions, I terminated the boy for breaking the scout law. Many felt he should be suspended or not punished at all especially as it wasnt during any scout activity. He was an overall good scout, mostly likely could have made Eagle, but what he did was wrong and not addressing it would be wrong and two wrongs dont make a right. Now we can all discuss different approaches and outcomes but I cannot comment on those, but what I can comment on is the kids remember it and they comment on it from time to time. They say it was the right thing to do and it makes their program stronger. No tolerance means just that, I do believe we have a better troop because of it

 

[eisely]

This is somewhat off the subject, but since shop lifting was mentioned, I want to tell a story about myself. This one of those incidents from early childhood that stands out in one's memory.

 

When I was extremely young, probably just pre-kindergarten, I was out with my father on some shopping errands on a Saturday. One of our stops took us to a hardware store. I became fascinated with some lead fishing weights, and truly not knowing any better, I put some in my pocket. When we got home I proudly showed my father what I had acquired. My father did not yell or get angry, but realizing that I simply did not know better, sat down and patiently explained the difference between shopping and theft. We then went back to the hardware store and my father had me return the weights to the manager and apologize. My apology was accepted. My father was a very wise man.

 

Clearly anybody of scout age already knows the difference between shopping and shoplifting. But I wonder if this might have been a more effective way of dealing with the infraction?