Picking up boys for meetings

[adamsdwa]

OK - before everyone tells me the legalities - I have signed releases and permission from the DE, District Commissioner, COR, IH, etc. to do this.

 

I have 3 boys in my pack that parents just will not bring them to meetings. I stopped picking up 1 because Mom asked me to pay power bills, help get them XMAS for 7 kids, etc. I truly felt like I was being used. Especially when Mom asked me to pick him up because she was at the beauty shop...

 

The other 2 I pick up becuase they have a very young Mom and she will not bring them. She is at least at home with the 2 younger kids when I pick them up and when I come back. The house is clean the boys are very respectful and very excited about Scouts.

 

So here's the rub - my wife says I am not being fair -pick up all or pick up none. My rule has been call me before 5 PM and I'll get you. The 40 year old mom doesn't do this. The 10 year old does every week.

 

So how does everyone seem to feel about or deal with these type Scouts and transportation issues? What's the best way to address this?

 

We are a small new pack of only about 12 boys so we need and want them there ut just are not sure about this whole picking up situation.

[Bob White]

None of the people you listed have the slightest bit of authority to tell you that you can ignore the BSA Youth Protection rules.

 

If I were you I would ask the DE to pick up the other scouts. He seems to have trouble putting your neck on the line, the least he can do is join you.

 

And technically unless you have your son in the car you are only in violation of the rules when the first boy is in the car, and until you pisck the second one up. If you do have your son with you then you were never in violation of the rules so they did not need to sign anything and were silly to do so.

 

Honestly as far as how many scouts you should pick up..that's between you and your wife.

 

 

[Beavah]

Yah, adamsdwa, I commend your virtue. I think it's fine if yeh pick up lads for the pack meeting. Good shepherds go after the stray sheep, eh?

 

Now, let me give yeh advice as a long-married man. Your wife is right. Always. Doesn't really matter whether she is or not. She is. Don't be lookin' for support from us, mate. We're too smart to get into that. Just say, "yes, ma'am!", salute, and do what she says.

 

Your home and your scouting will be happier for it.

 

Beavah

 

 

 

[AnniePoo]

My first year as a Tiger leader, I picked up one scout before every den & pack meeting and dropped him off afterwards. I also transported him to most of our pack and den outings. He was a pretty nice kid in a bad home environment, and unfortunately only stayed in scouting through the half of the Wolf year, when he had to choose between scouts & karate. His mom, who was appreciative of my efforts, worked 3rd shift and was always sleeping during our scheduled den & pack meetings. I always followed YP guidelines and had at least one of my kids in the vehicle with me also.

[adamsdwa]

Bob White - YPT is being followed as my wife and my son are with me. My wife is a Den Leader/Commissioner as am I so before we got everyone else involved we made sure YPT was foremost, thus why I asked everyone to spar me those type comments.

 

Beavah you kind of hit on the reason for the post - we do disagree about it - but she still goes every week. My fear is not her but appearance to other parents and getting myself in a bad position as the pack grows.

 

The DE and I are going to talk to the mother who has the enthusiasatic scouts to brag on her boys and try to get her to come out.

 

Again, no YPT, G2SS debates needed here. Only seeking to see how others handled and get advice from thier experiences.

 

And probably a little awakening on my part to - if the wife don't like it I'm missing something and trying to get my head around it.

[Karen_216]

I have offered to pick up boys because of parental conflicts-to any and all- as long as I have the room and my son is along- or in one case the sister was also coming. I'd rather bring them along so they get the benefit of scouting than have them drop out becasue of transportation issues. Tigers does need to have an adult partner- this should not be den leader(other thatn your own)- we had a parent assign another adult in the den with this and she was willing to do so.

Just remember- BSA is not Baby sitting Anonymous (or whatever the phrase). I believe there is nothing wrong with bringing one child or siblings that have a CONFLICT- not just being lazy- true conflict.(having really young sibs and being a single parent prob qualifies- we're a family program but meetings may conficlt with other family stuff).

However in that respect your wife is correct- anyone who has a conflict should be so accomodated- or at least matched with another family.

My daughter was able to participate in girl scouts due to a parent willing to bring her to her afterschool program after meetings. I was very grateful and voiced my appreciation.

But you need to work this out among yourselves!!!

[Basementdweller]

Well, as a fellow chauffeur of the Pack. I have ran into the situation of a couple parents taking advantage. It is not that dissimilar to the babysitting on day events, how many times are you stuck waiting for hours after the scheduled pick up time for parents. they show up and apologize profusely cause they misunderstood the pick up time or their phone was dead. of course they were ignoring my calls on the cell phone for the last hour. Cell phone was dead? Not this time, I called as they walked up only to hear the phone ring, OK you got me, with a sheepish grin.

 

I agree with you that all family situations are not created equal. I would have treated the family with the Beauty parlor the same way. She is treating you as her babysitting service with pick up and drop off service. Pay bills and gifts and she is at the Beauty shop. Hmmmm.

 

Let your moral compass guide you. IMHO your doin good.

 

 

 

[scoutldr]

When my financial advisor found out I was a Scouter, he advised me strongly to get an umbrella liability policy...which I did. $2 million worth. Something to think about. If there is an unfortunate accident (even if not your fault), the results can be financially devastating to you just to defend yourself, regardless of how many permission slips you have.

 

The point about keeping the wife happy is well taken...trumps everything else.

[gcan]

Honestly, if you are Ok with having these boys at your meetings without parental involvement, and aren't feeling resentful about having to do the driving, then keep on doing what you are doing, it really is helping out those kids.

BUT I have totally seen DL's be taken advantage of. I'd set ground rules- like the 'rents have to come if you are going out of state or on an ON... carpoolers split gas prices... stuff that can only make your life easier and the attentive parent will have no problem with!

[Bob White]

Scoutldr you do know that as a registered scouter The BSA provides you liability coverage for free as part of your membership right?

Was you financial advisor aware of that?(This message has been edited by Bob White)

[Eamonn]

Waiting for the coffee to finish.

So maybe I'm not at my best??

If this thread is about YP.

Bob White is right.

Any sillieness that DE, District Commissioner, COR, IH, etc. Has come up with do not and never will circumvent the BSA guidelines.

If it is about what you should do about your good Lady?

As Beavah has pointed out a Scout is brave, but many of us are not that brave. Her Who Must Be Obeyed did not receive that name by accident.

If it is about what is fair and what isn't fair? (Picking up only some Cub Scouts and not all of them?) Fact is that not everything in life is fair.

Is it fair that some kids will spend Christmas in a not very nice place while many if not most of our kids will be opening gifts and stuffing their faces with cookies?

Each of us does what we can do.

I know I'm never going to change the world. But I also know I can do my best to help the kids in the area where I live. Maybe not all of them. Because while I'm doing my best to ensure that Scouting is available for every eligible youth, not everyone will want to participate. That's up to them.

I'm not sure where or how all this stuff about one hour a week ever came about?

I do know that over a life time I will spend a lot more time with HWMBO (God willing.) Than I will in Scouting and a happy home makes for a happy Scouter who helps make for happy campers.

Eamonn.

 

[scoutldr]

Call me cynical...I'm not willing to trust my entire estate to some lawyer, whose only interest is to find a way to get the BSA and their insurance carrier off the hook. For a couple of hundred dollars a year, I can sleep at night, and am also protected for non-BSA incidents. Where did I hear this before..."BE PREPARED"???

[NealOnWheels]

"Call me cynical...I'm not willing to trust my entire estate to some lawyer, whose only interest is to find a way to get the BSA and their insurance carrier off the hook. For a couple of hundred dollars a year, I can sleep at night, and am also protected for non-BSA incidents. Where did I hear this before..."BE PREPARED"???"

 

If you want to be cynical consider this... You purchase an umbrella policy. You file a claim. You get a lawyer hired by the insurance company. That lawyer has represents the interests of the insurance company. No different than Scouting's insurance. No different than auto insurance. Sure by contract they are suposed to protect your interests but many times it requires your own attorney to make this happen.

 

 

[Volunteer]

I had a similar situation arise earlier this year. Right from the beginning Mom was giving out 101 reasons as to why I may have to pick up her son in order for him to be in scouting. I informed her that I do not pick up scouts for den meetings due to the liability. A few weeks later she did the ol' "he can't come unless he gets a ride and he's so wanting to go" excuse in order to guilt me into doing it. So I made a project sheet for him and his mom to work on at home with the activities for each den meeting that month. Amazing how his mom has managed to bring him to the den meetings after that.

 

Maybe this should be a new thread but more and more single moms are signing up their boys to be in scouts in order to have that male influence in their life. Right away they are disappointed when they see alot of female leadership and then even more diappointed when they realize it's not a drop and go club. I have had a couple of upset scouts at pack meetings when they did not receive any awards but some of their den did and it's because their parent(s)/

guardian(s) took the time to work with them at home on the scout book. I told every parent in my den to read the front of that book and that scouting is a FAMILY activity - not something for your son to do while you do what you want/need to do. But some don't care. They would rather play a game of "Tug of War Guilt" with their son and see if the den leader caves in first to not disappoint the scout or if in turn the scout has to beg his parent(s) to help him succeed and be disappointed in them when they willingly refuse to help their child.

 

When is the line drawn between standing up for what is right and allowing a parent(s) to use their child as "bait for guilt" to have their way in shirking out of scouting responsibility to their son?

[Vicki]

"When is the line drawn between standing up for what is right and allowing a parent(s) to use their child as "bait for guilt" to have their way in shirking out of scouting responsibility to their son?"

 

Sounds to me like adamsdwa has drawn his line - it's somewhere between a mom who asks for $$$ to pay bills while she's getting her hair cut and a single mom with four kids. Works for me - it's his line to draw.

 

And the whole "keep her happy" line? If my beloved didn't disagree with me on a regular basis, we wouldn't still be married (30 years in). I have no time for anybody, male or female, who has that little respect for their partner that they think they can't disagree with them. Now, if y'all are just engaging in sexist claptrap again, keep on goin' - I'll be over to the side drinking my coffee: