Constant complainer (Parent)

[speeglevillemom]

I have a problem with one of the parents in our Tiger den I would like to run by ya'll. In my infanite wisdom I was asked and accepted the duties of starting a new pack out where I live, just outside the city. One was badly needed and we have a fantastic response from parents out here. We had eleven boys sign up within the first week. Then there is the one...the constant complainer. He spends a lot of his time at the tiger den meeting complaining about everything from why they have to wear uniforms (which most of the boys used their hard earned popcorn money to buy and wear with emense pride, but he opted to buy his sons uniform himself while berading me, the cc, as to why they need all of this; his son raised enough money during popcorn that he could have let us get the uniform but decided to buy it himself) to how when he was in boy scouts things ran this way or that way. His newest complaint is the fact that I mentioned to all of the parents during our pack meeting (kids where not around) that the boys needed to be in tennis shoes only. That crocks (which his son wears all the time), sandles, flip flops nothing other than close toed shoes ie.. tennis shoes or boots were allowed for safety reasons. He was mad thinking I was directing it at him. Ummm no I said it to the entire audience and never once singled any boy out. We are a new pack (three months old) so we are still learning the ends and outs and trying to get everything worked out best. I need to know what as the cc I should do about this dad. His son does not seem all that interested in scouting which makes me wonder if it is a situation where dad signed him up because he was a scout. He hasn't brought any of the complaints to me partly because apparently I am a problem. My thought was to go meet with out cor and him and let him know we will gladly transfer his memebership to a different pack that better suits his idea of scouting. Not sure if that is the right way to go. Please any advice ya'll have would be much appreciated.

 

[adamsdwa]

I wouldn't go the COR route as you haven't done anything yet to address the problem, likely because as you say, you're just starting out and learning the ropes.

 

How about asking him out to coffee or lunch. Talk with him 1 on 1 and find the real rub. There is something going on and him buying the shirt or the crocs are likely NOT the real issue.

 

How about using his previous scout expereience to your benefit. Maybe he can offer some volunteer time to help out a new pack? If was a scout it can't hurt, but make sure to keep his and your comments to one another just that - between one another. You or he could undo some good work pretty quickly by bringing this out in the open in a new pack.

 

If he refuses to accept the program and work cooperatively rmeind him of the values of scouting he learned and that he wants to set the example for his boy. If after all this,there are no changes and no resolution then maybe it's time to get the CM, COR, or UC involved. But as CC you should allow the CM and/or DL to make sure the program is being delivered and that he/she is engaging these parents on a regular basis to help gain thier buy-in.

 

Go out of your way to be respectful, and unless you're on an outing who cares about shoe types? Remember, have fun! So long as they are in uniform and showing up you have 95% of the battle won!

[SctDad]

Sounds like you have a handful.

 

Uniforms:

Tell him it looks great when all the boys wear their uniform and show off what they earn. Not to mention, beads are likely to get lost if they are not placed on the IRB when the boys earn them. Being in uniform shows a sense of pride.

 

Shoes:

Safety is safety. Depending on your meeting place would be a big factor along with activities. I have no problems with all closed toes shoes.

 

Scouting Now vs. then

Then - honest people, no privacy issues NOW YP because some people have sick minds. New safety guidelines. New scouting world. Less on safety of ticks and snakes, more on cyber bullies and internet predators. Sick world sometimes

 

If he has SOOOOOOOOO much to say. before he leaves, hand him an application and ask him to help out. Packs can always use more leaders. I know we could. I would love to have someone take over some of the Den leader positions, but since no one will, I will do it so my child and others have a good program.

[Scouting Mom]

Boy's not interested, Dad is nothing but complaints....

 

Don't count on them staying in scouts too long.

 

In the meantime, ask Dad to organize or run an event or outing of some sort. Either he will step up to the task and have some appreciation for all you do, or he will run for the hills and you'll be rid of him.

[perdidochas]

Boy's not interested, Dad is nothing but complaints....

Don't count on them staying in scouts too long.

In the meantime, ask Dad to organize or run an event or outing of some sort. Either he will step up to the task and have some appreciation for all you do, or he will run for the hills and you'll be rid of him.

 

Yes, exactly. Who knows, maybe you'll get a new leader out of it.

[DYB-Mike]

Scouting Now vs. then

Then - honest people, no privacy issues NOW YP because some people have sick minds. New safety guidelines. New scouting world. Less on safety of ticks and snakes, more on cyber bullies and internet predators. Sick world sometimes

 

SctDad, maybe Im misunderstanding you but when I read that comment all I could think was (1) apparently scouters today arent honest people, and (2) pedophiles just suddenly appeared at the turn of the new millennium.

 

There were sickos in 1968 as there are in 2008; the difference is no one talked about them back then, either out of fear or embarrassment, and they certainly didnt get the media coverage like they do today. A good many of the cases in the clergy sex abuse scandal were decades old, taking place back in the good old days.

 

If anything, I think the new scouting world of Youth Protection and two-deep leadership is simply putting protections in place that should have existed years ago anyway and should not be considered a reflection on the honesty of scouts and scouters of today.

 

As to the topic, I think the advice to make dad put his money where his mouth is, so to speak, and use his past scouting experience to plan and coordinate den or pack events or help out in some other way is good. His reaction to that should give an indication of where hes really coming from.

 

YIS,

Mike

 

[Melgamatic]

There is an easy way to deal with people like this: push them hard into getting more involved. It either turns them around and gets them onto your side, or they can't take it and leave. If the third possibility happens, where they refuse to help but stay in the pack, it puts you on firm ground to say "I asked you to help me, now shut up."

 

If he joins up he has to take the training, maybe drinks a little of the koolaid, understands better where you are coming from.

 

I think this guy is your next ACM.

 

-Melgamatic