Jerry Posted July 7, 2002 Share Posted July 7, 2002 Please pardon the length of this story, but it's a very big decision for me. I'd value any feedback or words of wisdom. My son and I started scouting together about a year ago. The troop we chose seemed well-meaning and eager to do scouting properly, but none of the adult leaders had been scouts as boys, and none of the boys had ever had "proper" scouts to look up to. So everyone was pretty much winging it as best they could. They were eager to sign me on as an assistant scoutmaster, what with my own scouting experience (I was an Eagle) and also because I'm a good deal younger than the other adults, so they hoped I might be able to "bridge the gap" between the adults and the leaders. So far, I'm not too sure of the bridging-the-gap notion, since the boys quickly learned that I had no intention of being "one of the guys" and helping them slack on requirements, uniforms, behavior, etc. But I do think I've been able to put my scouting experience to very good use. I've found ways to encourage uniforms, increase patrol cohesiveness, and most recently, we've managed to help our SPL understand his role better, so youth leadership is finally starting to be utilized in practice. I'm very excited about the troop's progress, and have a list the length of my arm of things I'd like to try next to help make the troop function as Scouting intends, and make the boys less dependent on us adults. I'm having a great time, but there's one problem. My own son is NOT enjoying this troop. He has very few friends, and his patrol is effectively down to only 3 boys. Finding friends outside his patrol isn't much better, since he's a quiet kid in a troop of alpha personalities that tend to get into bit more trouble than he's comfortable with (they're mostly good kids, just too unruly for his taste.) At least one other boy has already left for this very reason. He was initially very interested in scouting, but is rapidly losing that interest, and I fear that keeping him in a troop he doesn't like will drive him away from scouting altogether. Granted, the troop's improving, but by the time it's able to create a true scouting environment, I worry he'll have already moved on to other things, or be too old. And even so, that doesn't mean he'll get along with the other kids any better. So what do I do? Changing troop's doesn't guarantee improvement, and I hate the idea of leaving when I'm needed (our Scoutmaster is very overworked, and desperately needs experienced assistants.) I feel like I'd be abandoning our current troop, but I need to put my son's interests first. Thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BubbaBear Posted July 7, 2002 Share Posted July 7, 2002 Jerry... Scouting is about the boys. Why don't you ask your son what he thinks about the situation? I had a similar situation with my son; He liked the troop he and I were in...I didn't. We had a talk about it... I moved on to another position in Scouting (outside the troop) while he stayed in the troop and earned his Eagle (with good ole Dad shadowing him all the while). It turned out to be a win-win situation for both of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sst3rd Posted July 8, 2002 Share Posted July 8, 2002 I certainly understand your getting involved with this Troop initially. You don't mentioned if you or any of the other adult leaders are trained. It's good that you're helping this program move in the right direction. However (you knew that was coming), your son's needs come first. You don't say that your son came through a Pack's program. I have found that if a young man joins a Troop with no prior Scouting experience, he either strongly likes it, or he strongly dislikes it. Some boys just don't like youth run organizations. If there are available Troops to visit, do so, and do it quickly. There could be a Troop out there that has the mix of Scouts and programs that your son will like. He will probably know some of these Scouts as well. The bottom line now is, your current Troop's program is not fulfilling Scouting's promise to your son. Find a Troop that is, and then your son can make the decision if Scouting is something he likes. anderson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k9gold-scout Posted July 8, 2002 Share Posted July 8, 2002 Scouting is a great program as long as a the adults don't get in the way. The experience is for the child to grow into a responsable adult. You may need to look at 3 - 4 troops till you find right one. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eisely Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 You do need to put your son's interests first, and the first step is to have a conversation with him. Visiting other troops is probably a good idea, and essential if a change is to be made. It may turn out that your son will see that the grass may not be all that greener in other troops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry Posted July 9, 2002 Author Share Posted July 9, 2002 Thanks for all the feedback thus far. I clearly have plenty of work ahead of me. To answer some of the questions that've been asked: Yes, the other leaders have been trained (our scoutmaster, in fact, has been to woodbadge.) This is a good group of people who are very dedicated to the ideals of scouting. Their only difficulty is transmitting those ideals into the scouts themselves, who'd rather just play basketball or gameboy. The older boys have little interest in true scouting and so the younger boys, who DO wish to be scouts, are floundering from a lack of proper example to follow. These are the problems we're dealing with, and I do feel we're making progress. I'm just concerned it won't be fast enough to salvage my son's interest. To answer another question, no, my son was never a Cub Scout. Most all of the other scouts were, and have been together for some time. This was a factor that hadn't previously occurred to me, so thanks SST3RD, I'll have mull that one over before deciding on any new troop. As to discussing this issue with my son, I have and will continue to do so. He admits that he doesn't like his troop, and he's stated that he will never go to summer camp again due to issues that occurred within the troop this year, yet he'd rather stay than go through the effort of finding a new one. I'm being very careful not to cross that fine line between encouraging him towards what I think is best for him and pushing him into what he doesn't want to do. But that's a larger issue that certainly goes beyond the scope of this forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sst3rd Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 Jerry, Don't make Scouting any more work than you have to. You need to enjoy Scouting too. The Scouts certainly pick up on this. I understand your son's opinion and respect it, but if he doesn't want to go through the effort of changing Troops, could he change Patrols? Maybe he could find a better match of Scouts to work with. Jerry, try to be patient, and guide him through this process. If he is already in the younger Scout Patrol, could you be their advisor? You could isolate this Patrol, and show them true Scouting as it should be, and all of the opportunities Scouting has to give. It could set the example for the entire Troop (since you state that the trained adult leaders have a difficulty in transfering the ideals of Scouting to these younger Scouts). anderson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chippewa29 Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 Jerry- You mentioned that the older Scouts don't really want to do Scout things, but the younger ones do. My suggestion is to do a "true" Scout program for the younger Scouts while letting the older ones continue to do whatever. Just try to separate them as much as you can. The older Scouts can conduct a varsity program to keep things within the confines of the Scout program. When changing an organization, focus on the future. If the older Scouts really don't like having a true Scout program, then they can leave (you definitely won't need to force them out, but if their interests aren't really with the Scouts, then they can find another activity to join in). At some point, some changes need to be made for the long term good of the troop. It may involve taking a step backward in order to go forward. When I took over my track team a few years back, it was terrible. I changed a lot of things (I actually made them work) and lost a lot of girls who didn't want to work or be successful. However, by the end of the season, I had a dedicated group of young ladies very interested in making the team better. By our fourth year, we were undefeated in dual meets and the next two years, won our twelve team conference. Along the way, we have developed a lot of not only good athletes, but very high quality young people that are proud to be part of our team and willing to work hard to be successful. I didn't like losing some of those girls the first year, but looking back now, it was the best thing I've done. It will be a tough decision for both you and your son. Check out some other troops and think about how you'd like your current troop to be. I wish you the best of luck in making your choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quixote Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 How often are you putting the OUT in scouting? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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