Got any advice on this?

[kd6rxy]

As I have posted elsewhere, we have a small troop, few leaders, etc. Our CC is a County Court Judge and has a private practice on the side. He is also the only leader without a boy in scouts.

 

One of my scout fathers has brought to my attention that he has a personal problem with the CC. Seems the Father hired him before he was CC and evidently is still very displeased with the outcome of that and now despises the CC.

 

He has threatened to pull the boy out of the troop and frankly, I think he will.

 

I explained to him that the CC has little to do with the boys on a regular and that we intend to keep it that way as a general rule due to issues with BOR's, etc. But the CC will, however, on occasion participate in certain activities in which I require his help as an adult leader. The CC will be attending Summer Camp a couple days due to us needing to meet the leadership requirements.

 

The father has stated that he will keep the boy from Summer Camp now even thought the boy has performed the service hours needed for maximum campership benefits and is exceptionally excited about going (his first year).

 

The father obviously doesn't have all the facts of the matter (it seems complicated to me) but insists that our CC is a bad person and that he wants him to have nothing to do with his son.

 

I have tried to explain that the CC is not a bad person and that I am sure there were compelling reasons for whatever happened. I have also told him that this is for the boy and that him not liking the CC should stop the boy from enjoying scouting (the boy know s nothing of the situation and thinks the CC is a pretty cool guy).

 

I have also told him that I felt he should take the wait and see approach and monitor things before doing anything rash.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can approach this so that the boy stays in the troop (which is where the boy wants to be)? The boy is bright and intelligent and has already shown leadership qualities in spite of his newness. I hate to loose him.

 

Sorry for the long post and thanks for listening.

 

 

 

 

[FScouter]

Consider that the dad may have other issues regarding the troop or summer camp. Is the CC issue the only problem? Is there any substance to the charge that the CC is a bad person? Discuss it with the CC and ask him if he would call the dad and try to come to a resolution.

 

It would be too bad if you lose the kid. But even if you're able to get around this issue, what might be the next issue where the dad will threaten to yank his kid?

 

[kd6rxy]

No substance that I have been made aware of, I just get the impression that he is angry over "losing" the legal thing. Blames the lawyer for the case not going thier way. This situation is also blamed for the divorce.

 

I think there is more to it than I know, or even want to for that matter. And, of course, the CC won't discuss it (confidentiality stuff). I have asked him for a suggestion and he has taken the hands off approach, told me to let him know what happens. I am sure he knows the situation and probably knows it is no use talking to the guy.

 

I think any issue where the CC is involved will get his dander up. He doesn't understand how tough it is for us to get leaders. I am going to suggest he become an active leader. With our wanting to keep the distance between the CC and the boys, that would almost insure that the CC would be excluded except for the BOR's and COR's.

 

I will be seeing the father tonight. I am sure he will bring it up.

 

I was just hoping that in the course of the day that someone would give me that magical phrase that would make this thing go away, with the boy still here.

 

Added note. I emailed the CC since this post and he basically said he knows the situation and it calls for a hands off approach where he is concerned (assumingly they have already had words over the matter sometimein the past and he doesn't wish to repeat that). I guess it is up to the father to decide now.(This message has been edited by scoutmaster424)

[nldscout]

All you acn do is tell him that scouting is for the boys. Adults sometimes have to put their dislikes for each other aside in order to support the boys. But I must tell you it sounds like you will lose this one as he seems bound and determined to not let his son around him. As him if he has some hard facts to share.

 

We had an instance in out troop where a W2 dad signed up when his son crossed over. This Dad and another ASM had had a dispute 15 yrs before and they still held a grudge over it. Even though his wife talked to him the ASM stepped down, said he would not serve with this dad. Fortuanatly his sons stayed and one went on to become an Eagle scout.

 

All you can do is try and convince him to separate scouts from his personnal grudge.

 

Paul Lamson

SM, T21

[kd6rxy]

Yes, I think you are right. I will see him in about 2 hours and I am sure we will get it discussed then. He seems to just have a grudge because they "lost" the case. He had similat stories about his divorce atty. Can't make everyone play nice can we?

 

I think he will perceive my taking up for the boy as taking up for the CC. Maybe it is. I defend my leaders when I feel the leader is right. Whatever the dads beef is, it doesn't belong in scouting and I will do my best to not let it in.

 

I wonder what will happen if he decides to let the boy stay and he meets up with the CC at the next COR?

 

Thanks for the adviece. I will letyou know how it ends.(This message has been edited by scoutmaster424)

[FScouter]

You said you expect the father to "bring it up" again. What does he hope you are going to do about his grudge? Dump the CC? I would inform the father that it is unfortunate that he and the CC have a problem, but that it has nothing to do with scouting, and that there is nothing you can do as Scoutmaster to heal their grudge. He will need to work it out personally with the CC, outside of scouting. And to please don't involve the boys.

[OldGreyEagle]

Use FScouter's post as a script, I dont have any better advice

[eisely]

You should ask the dad if he has any specific information that would disqualify the CC as a registered scouter. It doesn't sound as if this dad is willing to listen, but you have to try to point out that the boy's interest should come first regardless of the dad's feelings. The dad must see some value in scouting, otherwise they would not have affiliated with the troop. Try to emphasize that scouting is for boys, not adults. We are there to serve and teach, regardless of any personal grudges or feelings. Divorced couples have to deal with these kinds of things all the time. The dad needs to get over it.

 

By the way, where is the mom in all this? You mentioned a divorce. Who is the custodial parent?

[eisely]

One further thought. You have a perfect right to ask who is the custodial parent. I have done this more than once to assure myself that medical treatment authorizations are signed by the right person. You can give this as a reason for asking. Only the custodial parent should have signed the youth application to join. The custodial parent should have some say in all this.

[kd6rxy]

First of all, I want to thank everyone for their advice here. I will keep it in mind for the next time a situation comes up like this.

 

Secondly, It seems this father isn't as shallow as he seemed. When I saw him Wednesday evening, he did bring it up, but he apologized for "Going off" on me about the subject and that he realized he had no business doing so. He realized his grudge against the CC had no bearing here and that the CC really wasn't the "bad person" he said he was. He said everything is fine and his son will be staying in the troop, just don't expect him to be all "Hugs and Kisses" (his words, no kidding) when he sees the CC.

 

I seem to have a bit of trouble dealing with conflict. Probably because I just don't like it and hope things can work out without it, but also because I am just not too good at it.

 

So again, thank you for the help and the great input.

 

YIS

scoutmaster 424

[OldGreyEagle]

Isnt it great when adults actually act like adults and do the right thing? Good going for all of you

[eisely]

A good resolution. Sounds like the dad deserves more credit than we were giving him.

[NJCubScouter]

scoutmaster says:

 

I seem to have a bit of trouble dealing with conflict. Probably because I just don't like it and hope things can work out without it, but also because I am just not too good at it.

 

Don't sell yourself short, it seems to me that in this case at least, you handled it just fine. Admittedly, conflict is most difficult to deal with when you are one of the adversaries. But when you are "in the middle," as you found yourself in this case, the best route often is to try to get the combatants to see reason, and otherwise just stay out of it. Often after "cooling off," one or both will realize that their conflict is costing more than whatever satisfaction they derive from being mad at each other. In this case, the father finally came to the obvious conclusion that, number one, the troop was not going to fire its CC just for him, and that second, if he didn't calm down and tolerate the CC, the one who would suffer would be his son. All but the most stubborn and childish folks will back down when the alternative is to cause harm to their own child.