Picky Eater / Mother's Apron Strings

[little dove]

Hi Everyone,

Have a new problem. Our new troop is 7 mos. old and am just learning. We have a boy with a mother that just won't let go. We are having our "Summer Camp" at a gentleman's property. He has over 400 acres, stocked pond, llamas, a variety of animals. Our fundraising didn't go as well as expected, so we opted for this (free, except for food). We have 2 MB counslors camping with us, basketry, leatherwork, archery and 7 more MB's. Anyway, the problem. She tells us her son is a picky eater and won't eat anything on our planned menu, turkeys, hamburgs, hot dogs, chips, eggs, bacon, sausage, etc. It's a very good menu. So she has been coming by everyday and bringing her son fast food. Like today it was Subway. Which he eats in front of the other boys, grinning. When it's time to clean up, the boy says I didn't eat your food so I don't have to do any work. Yet later on, he'll help himself to the chips, cookies, fruit, etc. This is the same woman that had a fit when at a campout, the boys were told by a another mother that camped with them that none of the boys would be allowed to drink sodas, while she sat there drinking one. This was wrong, I know. The 1st mother said if you bring something, you better bring enough for everyone. You don't tell them they can't drink sodas while your drinking one. Well, now it's a different story for her son, he can eat fast food in front of everyone (hand delivered no less). The boys are kind of resentful of having this rubbed in their faces by him. Don't really know how to deal with this problem or what to say to her. At first it wasn't too bad but now it's going to far and getting worse. I need help from some of you seasoned leaders.

little dove.

[scomman]

WE once had a picky eater and he was told that if he didn't eat what was served he didn't eat. I know this sounds harsh but it worked when he learned we didn't give in he learned to eat.

As for the mother I would inform her that she is casuing a disruption in the troop and she has to make a choice.

[evmori]

When we go to summer camp my Troop has a rule - no extra food. I tell the Scouts food in their tents are a no-no because of critters. Plus, the food is included in the cost. It sounds to me like this boy has mom wrapped around his little finger.

 

It sound like it is too late this year but I would institute a rule on going that extra food is prohibited. And if extra food is brought in, the adult leadership will confiscate it and it will be given to a food bank for needy people. And mom bringing fast food will not be tolerated.

 

Ed Mori

Scoutmaster

Troop 1

[lasteagle83]

My first instinct when I read the title of this thread was perhaps there were some restrictive dietary issues involved that neither the scout or the parents wished to share. Sounds more like a food preference and control issue instead.

 

We had this problem years ago when I was an ASM. Our Scoutmaster gave "McMom" a very detailed list of what every boy would like to have delivered for the next meal. He made sure there were PLENTY of special orders (no ketchup, ketchup only, no lettuce, extra pickles, various sizes of fries, different desserts and drinks, etc). When she objected to playing "delivery lady", especially with a list that would likely be a big pain, he then kindly let her know if she is not "courteous" enough to provide the other scouts with the same food she expects her son to eat in front of them, then her son will need to be "courteous" enough to eat the same food the other scouts eat. In our situation, the mother got the message, but keep in mind it might not work in every situation.

 

[ASM7]

Sounds like Mother never wore an apron. If she had, her son would eat what I like to call (and to eat) home cooking. I kind of feel sorry for the scout because he doesn't know what real food is. Not knowing anything else about the scout he probably has other troubles too. I think a lot of these new conditions plagueing our youth like ADD stems from all the fast food and additives they consume.

This problem could be equated to uniforming. The uniform evens the playing field, somewhat eliminating the problems of peer pressure. I say he complies or considers alternatives. The Scoutmaster needs to refer this to a unified Troop Committee so they can meet with the Mom. Scoutmasters have too many other things to handle. I hope the problem works out so you can all break bread together.

[eisely]

The problem is less with the food than with a boy who wants the attention and a mom is looking for an excuse to give the attention. I too was a picky eater, and it was going to scout camp that changed that for me. I ate what was served or went hungry. My mom would never have catered to me the way this mom does, thank god. It seems to me that no committee action is required. Either a direct conversation with the mom, or the exercise of having her flll complex orders for everybody should be sufficient. She needs to recognize the damage she is doing to her own son.

[k9gold-scout]

This mom needs to get with the program. Her son will only learn what it means to be a scout when he works eats and sleeps just like every other scout. The only exceptions should be a real (medical) handicap or a religious reason.

[LauraT7]

Most scout camps have a fallback for "picky eaters" - maybe you should, too -

 

At every resident camp I have ever been to - as a kid or adult the mess hall always had bread, butter, peanut butter (protein), sometimes jelly, out. A kid never starved. In addition, most meals had at least one item, SOMETHING most kids would eat - carrot sticks, fruit, etc. Breakfast's fallback was plain cold cereal (Rice krispies or something unsweetened) or oatmeal. As I LOVED oatmeal - it was sometimes hard to choose!

 

I would make it clear that special food is not allowed (unless she can come up with a Doctors notice on the kid's health form that says Jr is allergic to any food not wrapped in styrofoam!)

 

If the child DOES need a special diet (we have some that are lactose intolerant, and one with peanut allergies) of course you will work with the parent in making sure an alternative is provided, and that with touchy things (like the peanut allergies) the parent could be included in menu & ingredient choices. (an ideal opportunity to teach the boys about reading labels and choosing how they prepare meals!)

 

Last year at camp, I did bring popsicles and cans of soda to the camp when I joined them midweek - 1 each for all the boys - because it was my son's birthday. I figured in the heat of camp (we had 100 degree days that week) - those would be a more refreshing treat than a cake - and it was really special to the boys. BUT, I also got an OK from the troop before I brought the stuff.

 

Our troop does bring additional food to camp - bought and shared by the troop. The boys can put in requests prior to camp - but snacks are healthy ones - fruit, raw veggies, granola bars, peanut butter, cheese/sausage/ crackers, trail mix, etc. We also keep juice available, and sometimes, milk, tea, cocoa, etc. The boys know where the food is, and can get some whenever they want - usually late afternoon and before bed.

 

My son is also a picky eater. He is also Attention Deficit and on medication that reduces his appetite, and has irritable bowel syndrome as well. It has been a struggle to keep him from loosing weight, while he gains in height even at home! Also, he has ALWAYS been a slow eater. Though there was plenty of good food at camp, which even Jon liked - and enough for seconds - but you only got seconds if you were fast. Those boys were HUNGRY! Jon NEVER finished in time to get seconds, and was often hungry later. If it weren't for our troop supplies, he would have truly been hungry - and no boy should actually go hungry at camp.

 

while the boys don't neccessarily know of Jon's medication and stomach problems, the adults do - and it's on his medical forms.

 

your issue, however, sounds like a clingy mom and a spoiled kid. THIS week - if you can't stop her(or don't want to make an issue in the middle of camp)- I would at least tell her & the boy that if he doesn't eat with the other boys, then he shouldn't be snarfing only the "good" parts of their meal. (a scout is courteous, kind & friendly) And he cooks & cleans up whether he eats or not. (a scout is helpful, obedient, cheerful, clean and loyal to the troop) It's all part of the program!

 

After camp, i would sit down with her and discuss the problem. Does the kid have a medical problem? even a marginal one? can you work it out within the program? But make it absolutely clear that the fast food has to stop. It is absolutley not fair to the other boys and will not be tolerated.

 

Good luck!

 

[sctmom]

My son is a picky eater but at campouts and an overnight field trip with the school he didn't starve. He found something out of every meal he could eat. My son will try foods he sees the other kids eating. He is also beginning to understand that as you get older your taste change, so try the food, you might like it.

 

You need to flat out tell this mom that she is NOT to bring special food for him, if he does not have a medical problem. If that is not acceptable then he does not attend campouts and camp. End of conversation.

 

Her visits are disruptive and her son will manage. The one thing I didn't see listed in your email (but you may have anyway) is fruit. But I have a feeling that would not satisfy this child.

 

I once saw a quote that said "Scoutmaster Rule #47-No boy ever starved to death on a weekend campout".

 

[OldGreyEagle]

As far as the scout not wanting to clean up the mess since he didnt eat the food, I would explain that scouts, especially while at camp, is a community, and in a community all members help each other out. Depending on age and maturity you might ask him what would happen to his school if only people with school age children paid taxes to support schools. I am sure you can think of examples similar and more local in nature.

 

You sound like you have an adequate menu and if you have the timed honored fallback of PB&J, then thats the menu, nothing else allowed in camp unless a dietary restriction for medical or religious exists.

 

My Eagle Scout son, (I love saying that) never ate hot dogs, said they were gross. Couldnt get him to try one. Hot dogs are frequently on our troops menus, he would say I dont like hot dogs, but I am hungry, and I would say you must not be very hungary if you wont eat whats offered. After a couple of camp outs where he ate plain buns and chips, we had a particularly grueling day. HE decided to try a hot dog. After the third one, (he is ADD)I had to tell him to stop before he got sick, he breathlessly exclaimmed "these are so good". Now, to save face, he did say he only liked "camp out hotdogs" but he eats them regularly now.

[ozemu]

Here's another couple of options.

 

Next time camp further from home so that the pizza is cold and the hamburger soggy when it arrives or maybe the mother won't drive all that way anyway.

 

Or on the other hand try cooking his favourite food out there but over a fire.

[ozemu]

Another one! I never cater centrally. It's always Patrol cooking with us however maybe it's time you had a busy camp and get this mother to do the cooking so that her son will get the food he wants. I'll bet she finds an excuse and can't make it to camp.

[eisely]

Wow. I think I've seen a stronger consensus on this topic than any single thing that has been discussed on this forum.

[scomman]

I think our consenus all comes from dealing with this issue either in scouting or in our families. It is great

[Mike Long]

I think we are missing the real issue.

 

The patrol method.

 

Boy Scouts function as a patrol, the patrols come together to make a troop. You can't have the wolf patrol, the eagle patrol, and Junior forming the Troop.

 

By using the patrol method I assume the boys created the menu. We have had meny picky eaters in the past (some for health, some for religion) and usually the boys are able to build a menu that reasonably accomodates everyone's tastes. Key words "within reason." Part of the maturation process is learning that you can not always get things your way.

 

Simply tell her you are a Boy Scout Troop and as such you follow the Patrol Method. Patrols plan their menus, buy their food, cook their food together, eat their food together, clean up the mess together among many other things patrols do together. By doing these things together Scouts learn how to come to a consensus, build a healthy menu, budget, shop, cook, clean and function as a team. By delivering fast food the most basic building block of Scouting is being subverted. The Scout learns that he does not need to come to agreements with others, that he does not have to consider others, he does not have to budget, things will be provided for him at a whim, his menu is unhealthy, he does not need to learn how to care for himself in the form of cooking and cleaning, he creates more garbage due to the excessive packaging the fast food come wrapped in, he breaks down teamwork by declaring that he is above the Patrol Method and taunting the other scouts by showing it is true and the adult leaders let him get away with it. In e

 

You need to stop this now, before she makes another delivery, or next year the whole troop will be doing it and goodbye Patrol Method.