Good bye to Boy Scouts

[Salra]

Well the Rotten Eagle investigation came and went. It was truly a farce run by the troop's former Scoutmaster and father of the Eagle in question. The erstwhile Scoutmaster pretended to run the show and the Executive Committee Chairperson figurehead was there too. But it was the Dad who was running it while pretending to be there only as concerned parent. When he wasn't busy glaring daggers at me and my spouse, he was busy controlling his son and the conversation. Ugh, ugh and triple ugh.

 

The scout did admit to the accusation, talking about sexual matters with a ten year old. If you'd like to know what MILF and SILF means go ahead and search it on the internet. We now know courtesy of this Scout. Believe me, my kid (the hapless 10 year old)did not in any way ask for this conversation. He and 2 other boys were on a Scout family campout and were searching for lizards when this Scout came by. My son was embarrassed and uncomfortable when it happened. One of the questions this Scout put to him was, "Do you have a sister, is she hot?" And that is only what my son would tell me about. Do your research and you will get the rest.

 

The scout did write and read to us a very brief apology note. More nonsense, they must be training him to be a politician. It would have been better if he apologized without preparation that is much harder to do. Though he gets a few tiny points for showing up and doing the "apology"....

 

What a revolting experience. At this meeting these parents cheerfully told us that our boy will hear much worse when he is at Scout Summer Camp etc. We are turned off to scouts forever. They completely minimized what the scout did and will not punish him within the Troop though the Dad claimed the boy wouldn't be getting his driver's license as soon as he thought he would. The Scoutmaster said that he would have this Eagle Scout run the Youth Protection Program (ha) whenever they can make time for it. I did manage to inform them that having a 15 year old discuss sex with a 10 year old is called sexual abuse in some parts of the world. The smarmy Dad oh so helpfuly told us that you know you could look for another Troop. Subtext, I hope I never see your faces again. Sorry folks this is kind of a rant. The only good part of it is I got my son out before he was corrupted by these senior scouts and that is truly a blessing.

[sctmom]

I'm sorry you and your family had such a horrible experience. Please do NOT give up on scouts. Take their "advice" and find another troop.

 

I'm not being sarcastic, but what did you want to happen to the older boy? What would have been "just" to you?

 

[Salra]

A possible meaningful response, take away the boy's leadership responsibilities and let him be a worker bee for awhile and no summer camp this summer. It may seem 'harsh' to some of you who belong to the 'oh this is just boys being boys' but I found it reprehensible. Sure teenagers may talk this way to one another but NOT to a new scout and certainly not at a scouting event. I didn't come home from this Scouting organized family campout to discuss what MILF and SILF means to my 5th grader (who had already been instructed by this Eagle Scout as to the meanings) acronyms that are too crude to be explained here but you can guess what the "F" stands for. I was also told at this meeting, oh your kid could hear this stuff anywhere. The point which seemed to escape all of them is 'not at Scouts'. What is that Eagle Pledge/Oath about any how or is it just meaningless blather and something that will look good on this lunkhead's college application?

 

 

[dan]

I agree that the scout got off to easy!

There was no Safe Haven with this troop.

I do not think there is anything you can do to help this troop. If you went to the council they would say it has been taken care of.

I would suggest you read the book On my Honor. And get ready for a real eye opener. After reading this book I told my wife, if you where to read this book you would never let our son go on another camp out!

It sounds like the troop your son is in may be alot like the troop in this book.

We as leaders need to be aware of this and control it the best we can, in other words this is going to happen! and we can only try to contain it not stop it.

If possble I would urge you to vist other troops and see how they are.

Good Luck!

[eisely]

Don't give up on scouting - give up on that troop. Most of the people in scouting, adult and youth, do a better job of living up to the ideals of scouting than these folks.

[ozemu]

Salra I also recommend shopping around for another Troop. The experience of checking other Troops out might help to show that people and organisations are all idividual with different approaches to things (and some get it horribly wrong). When you find the right Troop I know your faith in Scouting (and in humanity) will be reinstored. This is probably a harder road to follow than turning away from Scouts totally but more rewarding in the long run.

 

Certainly I wouldn't bless the present Troop with your presence ever again. Chances are that you are not alone in this at that Troop either.

[evmori]

Salra,

Look for another Troop! I have no idea where you are located, but if you are in the Pittsburgh, PA area, you are welcome to come to mine!

 

Ed Mori

Scoutmaster

Troop 1

[Salra]

Thanks for all the feedback. Sometimes I feel like I have fallen down the rabbit hole in the town where we live now. We are from the East Coast but now live on the West Coast in a very affluent town in the Bay Area (SF). The kids here are incredibly spoiled and think they are entitled to everything and anything. I would be real happy if we got transferred back East again. This place is too fast for me and my family. By the way the Eagle Scout in question is on the honor roll at his HS, so he really can't go for the "I'm just a dumb kid who didn't know what he was doing" routine.

 

When the dust settles down we may look at a few more troops, there are many here in the Twin Valley District but we are giving it a rest for the present. Thanks for the tip about that book "On My Honor" by Jay Mechling, I have already requested it from the library.

[eisely]

Salra,

 

Where do you live? You are not far from me. Send me a private message.

[OldGreyEagle]

First I have to say I am a little disconcerted here. On this forum we have a raging debate over what constitutes hazing and "just punishment" ( of which I am an active participant) while a quite salient issue, such as how do we get everyone on the same page, same book, or in this case, the same universe if not ignored, has not received the same passion.

 

First Salra, I understand you need to seek out a new troop. Contact Eisley, he wont steer you wrong, I hope he is close enought to help you.

 

Your experience is a perfect example of how personal a scouts experience is. 20 years from now your son and mine might meet in a business meeting. Where they grew up will be talked about as well as memorable experiences. If boy scouts come up, my son can say he was a patrol leader at the national jamboree in 2001, and got to march with his patrol flag on stage. He can say he is an Eagle. He can say he went to summer camp for 5 years and canoed the Minnesota/Canadian boundary waters.

He (rightfully) will be convinced that Boy Scouts is/was great. At this moment you son's response will be something on the order of, "I joined Boy Scouts, but they turned out to be a bunch of sexually perverted freaks" or something like that. And unfortunately, both views will be correct.

 

I guess I love Boy Scouts to much to know that such a sordid event will be a boy's memory of what should have been a highlight in his life.

 

Now comes the hard part, and its hard becasue you shouldnt have to do it. Please do find a decent troop and have your son experience all the things that will match my son's experiences. Have him remember that while his scouting career may have had a rocky start, his family didnt give up and overcame a significant challenge. Again, its doubly hard for you to do since you shouldnt have to do it, but I believe it will be a benefit to your family if you do.

[Mike Long]

Salra I'm sorry that that Troop didn't have the fortitude to do right by your family and the Scouting movement.

 

Meaningless Blather? Not to me and many others. I've based my life on the Scout Oath and Law. Sure we fall down on occasion but the intent is there.

 

Don't let one bad apple spoil you on the whole orchard.

[Bob White]

Salra,

 

I am very sorry that your son was exposed to that behavior, especially through scouting. I hope you will join another troop in your community. Take time to visit the unit, stand back , watch and listen to how the boys treat each other, to how they treat their parents and leaders, and to how the leqaders treat the boys.

 

What you and your family experienced is not typical of scout units. I hope you will give your community a chance to redeem themselves with your son.

 

Even though you are leaving, please contact your local Council Executive. Give them details of what happened and who was involved. There were a number of BSA Youth protection policies violated in that unit and the Council executive will take your call very seriously. I'm hopeful it will keep another scout from experiencing what your son endured.

 

Bob White

[Quixote]

Salra,

 

I too hope you find another Troop for your son to join.

 

Also, thanks for sharing this subject with us - on the way to my son's troop meeting last night i mentioned that he might hear some foul language at camp and possibly other inappropriate discussions and if anything felt wrong to him to remember that he can always walk away from the group or if he is feeling brave to bring it to the kids' attention that it is inappropriate language/discussion for scouts.

 

Thanks & Good Luck

Quixote

[Salra]

Dear Friends, Thanks so much for the support and heart-felt responses. We are already looking for another Troop. A friend of mine has tipped me off to a Troop in our town that is much smaller etc.etc. It might be more our speed.

 

As my father-in-law, may he rest in peace, the retired CIA agent used to say, 'it's not a nice world'...I *have* pointed out to my son that if he doesn't like what he is hearing, he can get up and walk away.

 

He was informed about the 'birds and the bees' years ago by me when he had a friend in the third grade who seemed far too sexually advanced for a child that age. At that time I decided to get pro-active and explain things to my kid so he wouldn't get mixed up by this neighbor's boy.

 

He also, for the record, did not 'snitch'. We were having a conversation about this one very badly behaved scout we saw at the campout and my son was just trying to make a contribution to the conversation. Imagine our surprise when the words came out. Oh well time to move on and thanks again.