Dad in, son out?

[OzarksOsage]

Is it just me, or is this a bit unusual:

My Wolf den is quite active, with a great group of scouts and parents, fun meetings, etc. The father of a wolf who is seemingly waffling on whether or not stay in scouting (he reportedly enjoys the camping and outdoor activities, but finds the meetings "boring") attends more activities than his son. Junior will stay at home, but dad shows up to the den meetings (although often arrives 20 to 30 minutes late). To have a parent stay is not uncommon--although they've been told many times that parent attendance is not required past the Tiger year, most stay because they enjoy seeing what goes on at the meetings. But, to have a parent attend without the scout is starting to make some folks a little uncomfortable. It's not a case of the scout being ill, because he is at school all day with the other scouts. When other parents inquire, "Hey, where's junior?" the response is that junior simply didn't want to come. Any ideas, thoughts or comments? As time marches on and junior is increasingly absent, having an "unattached" dad hanging around is, fairly or not, beginning to raise a few eyebrows.

[bbng]

Is the Dad a leader?

 

Is the Dad coming for a particular purpose (to find out what son needs to do to keep up with the den, for instance)?

 

Or is the Dad just hanging out, no clear purpose, with a son who is registered but doesn't come? In this case, I would have to wonder why the Dad is there too.

[Greg Nelson]

We had a similar situation in our Pack last year. One of the committee members had a son who had lost interest in Scouting by his Web II year. He didn't even show up to claim his Arrow of Light at B & G. This particular Scouter was also divorced, so there might have been some external issues at work there.

 

In any case, this dad would show up at most of our campouts, pack meetings, etc., even if his son wasn't there. Now, in our case, nobody questioned this guy, as he had been an active Scouter and pillar of the pack for several years. His motivation was probably, "I'm here to support the Pack, even if my son isn't interested".

 

Is this dad helping out at the den meetings, acting as a Scouter, or is he just hanging around? Perhaps he goes there to "take notes" for his son and keep him up to speed at home. Perhaps he's acting out his half of a power struggle with his boy. Why not just ask him, "What's up?"

 

[OzarksOsage]

The dad is registered as assistant den leader (we have two) and although he sometimes wears a uniform, will not actually participate in running the den. He also, without notice, will not show up when expected to pack and den events, even when he's previously confirmed he'll be attending.

 

He's not there to keep up with current events, as information on activities, requirements, etc. is well communicated via e-mail.

 

He's pretty much only hanging out, with no clear purpose, with a son who is registered but doesn't come. If he actually assisted in some fashion, i.e. ran a game or conducted an activity, there would be no question as to why he's there. But, he doesn't do those things.

 

 

[scoutldr]

As Freud allegedly said.."sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." Could be the guy just likes Scouting. My own kids have aged out, as have the kids of my two Scouter buddies who are keeping the troop afloat. I would hate to think that people were reading too much into that. I don't know if it's written anywhere, but anyone with "direct contact" should be either a parent or a registered leader. To assuage the concerns, ask the guy to fill out a leader application, check the references, and get him to YP and other training. And strictly observe the YP guidelines (2-deep, no 1 on 1 contact, etc). If he has evil intent, threatening him with training should do it.

[bbng]

If he has evil intent, threatening him with training should do it.

 

What a funny thing to say about training

 

I agree that too much shouldn't be read into this, but it's uncommon--around here anyway--for anyone to stay in Cub Scouting without a purpose. Now in the case of a troop, no one can get rid of the leaders even after their sons have been long gone, but then most don't want to get rid of them either. I happen to love Cub Scouting, so I'm still involved, though I don't have sons who are Cub Scouts. However, I am registered, and everyone knows why I'm around. It seems that this Dad's presence is beginning to alarm others, but since he's registered as a leader, it makes sense that he is there even when his son isn't. I second what scoutldr said; training is a good idea. Maybe he simply does not know what to do.(This message has been edited by bbng)

[ScoutNut]

Since he is a registered Leader, but can't really be counted on to come when he SHOULD be there, the first thing I would do is not to count on him, at all. However, when he does show up, with or without his son, PUT HIM TO WORK! Do NOT allow him to just "hang out", no matter how late he arrives. Even if what he is doing is going over the boys books and recording completed achievements. Give him a visible reason to be there. Give him a game to get ready & then have him run it, give him a song to lead, if you are demonstrating something to the boys use him as the demonstration volunteer/model, give him a group of boys to supervise during a crafty activity, have him pass out newsletters. Just make sure he is helping with SOMETHING!

 

Then, when you can get him on his own, at the end of a meeting, sit him down & ask him what is going on with his son. Find out why he is coming without him & if there is anything you can do to encourage his son. Let him know that you are concerned that his son is missing out on a lot of the fun of scouting & a lot of great Scouting WITH his dad. Keep in mind that Greg's scenario might just be what's going on here. There might be problems at home & maybe the boy is not coming because he is away with his mom & the dad might not be comfortable talking to others about it.

[jens3sons]

I know of a dad in our area, who is a LOT more involved in scouting than this father is (has always held a district position as well as positions in the pack/now troop). One of the things I have heard him say was "I don't care how long you choose to do this, but I am going to be in it for the next 20 yrs!" He just really enjoys the scouting program. Many other parents have heard him proclaim this as well.

From my own experience, even if my kids chose not to continue on to Boy Scouts, I think I would still be involved on some level myself, because I really enjoy the program as well. I think sometimes we just need to go straight to the source and flat out ask what the intentions are instead of speculating, and possibly starting rumors. Please let us know what happens.

YiS,

Jens3sons

[SemperParatus]

Why don't you just ask the Dad the reasons why, and go from there.