Scout Quitting

[bucabaker]

Ninety minutes before the Blue & Gold I get a call from a boy that he is quitting Scouts. He was about to receive his Arrow of Light and cross over into the Scout Troop and was a no show. He has been diagnosed as ADHD and at times over the last five years it has been a struggle to keep this boy focused and involved. Having felt that Scouts was probably more important for this boy's development than any of the boys in my den, this deflated the day for me.

 

Any words of wisdom for the discussion we have when I bring him his achievement awards?

 

[SemperParatus]

Welcome.

 

Ask him if he wants to talk about it. If he does not, then respect his privacy and thank him for being a part of the den/pack and wish him the best in his future endeavors. If he does, then ask simple questions and just listen. Don't try to judge the situation or change his mind, and don't tell him that he is making a mistake. If you listen, then he is doing the talking and may just end up talking himself out of it. Or, he may convince himself of his decision to quit. Either way, it is a good thing because the boy will have given greater consideration and thought to his decision.

 

If, during the discussion, it becomes clear that the scout wants to stay in scouting but it is really the parent's decision, then that will be a different conversation with them to identify specific issues and how they could be addressed.

 

While we like to tell ourselves otherwise, scouting is not for everyone.

 

 

[fotoscout]

The older Webelos look forward to B&G. they all know that they are getting their awards and they know whats next after B&G. So I have to think that this thought has been circling in the boys mind for some time. I also think that a last minute decision like this was not made without some parental intervention.

 

I would talk to the parents first. I they prefer to just let it go, then of course you have to honor their decision. If they prefer to have you talk with the boy, I would suggest that you plan the discussion with the parents first. Let them know what youre going to say, and what questions you plan to ask. This way they can continue the conversation after youve gone.

 

As for the discussion, I would do the following: Focus on his personal growth in the program, talk about the adventures that only scouting can provide, and talk about the opportunities that only scouting can provide. If he is knowledgeable and articulate about his ADHD (and with the parents permission) you may want to point out all that scouting has to offer him as he continues to learn how to deal with his condition.

 

 

And on the other hand, he may simply be scared about leaving the pack and joining a troop!

 

 

Good Luck, Im sure this was hard on you.

 

[anarchist]

 

Gosh the memories...

I feel your pain...and that is not being trite...

My best Webelos II scout never crossed over...he showed up for the Arrow of Light but did not want to go into Boy Scouting and it nearly killed me...he (and his Dad)were my best buds on most events. He has ADHD and had many issues with outdoors events but he tried! He was usually the first to earn awards, ranks and pins. He had food issues and a speach problem and was very shy...

when his dad told me I was 'down' literally for several weeks...where did I fail this boy????

 

His dad and I talked; his mom and I talked and then I talked to him...

He wanted to try new things, his dirt bike was calling to him...he wanted to race, he was worried about the other boy scouts and his 'issues' and he was worried about the work involved with Boy Scout advancement. I did not try to change his mind (the heck i didn't) I was low keyed and told him my door and the troop would always be open to him...heck, I still work on him when I see him but after five years now its just 'what we do' when we run into each other. His dad supported his decision and help foster his dirt biking...Kid is really good! Just not a scout....

 

both Semper and foto nailed it, but go with parents first....

good luck

and thanks for all your work...with all the boys

[EagleInKY]

When this post showed up the other day, I wrote this fantastic response. It was one of the most eloquent postings ever to be written in the history of scouter.com. Unfortunately, just as I clicked on "Submit your message", my potential Pulitizer Prize winning piece was lost as the site crashed. This morning, I saw the post again. I was thinking about recreating my marvelous masterpiece. I click on "Post Reply" and - you guessed it - the site had crashed again. Therefore, I'm not going to try to post my beautiful piece.

 

However, the gist of it was this. Boys leave scouts. In over 10 years as a leader, I'd say we've lost at least one boy nearly every year. Some you lose to sports, some to girls, some to school or church groups. Most still turn out to be great kids. They just get their opportunities to grow via different ways. Some kids, however, break your heart when they leave. You know that Scouting is the best opportunity for them to grow as individuals, team members and leaders. Sadly, you know that very few organizations can offer this boy what scouting has to offer him.

 

Talk to the parents, find out what's going on. If they are ambivolent, sell them on the importance of scouting and how it will benefit their son. Then talk to the boy. There's a really good chance that he's scared. If so, try to calm his fears. If he knows one of your scouts very well, take him to talk to him. Maybe he's bored. If so, talk about the fun things ahead. Some kids get bored in Cub scouts, because they are looking forward to the high adventure that is still ahead of them. Give him something to look forward to.

 

Good luck, I hope you win him over.

[bucabaker]

Here is a hopeful update. I attempted to talk him into trying the troop through the end of the month. He hasn't experienced being part of the troop yet so give it a try for a little bit before rejecting it. So he showed up for the first meeeting last night. Not in uniform, but outward signs were that he was enjoying himself. I took the opportunity to present him with his Arrow of Light and other awards during the Troop meeting. His Dad told me that the scout and his Mom had a dust up before the Blue & Gold, so there was probably a big emotional upheaval going on.

 

I have had other scouts quit before for other interests, but somehow Scouts didn't seem as important for those boys. So anyway we are hopeful.