Parents At Den Meetings?

[tma-1]

I've done both - Den Meeting at the church (the chartering organization) and Den Meeting in my home. Both settings have their advantages. When I'm meeting at the church, I have an incredible amount of space, unlimited seating, adequate classroom-style lighting, and contact with the other den leaders. When meeting at home, I have a comfortable setting, I'm always on time, and I have ALL OF MY STUFF!

 

I bounce between the two settings as needed by my program for the night. Making placemats for Blue-and-Gold? Church setting - they have lots of long tables that are built to handle glue spills. Teaching Webelos campfire safety *before* the campout? Home setting - build the fire ring in my backyard. You get the idea. As long as you are good with communication and maps, this works very well.

 

I've seen the light and dark side of having parents in place (fortunately, more light than dark). Parents are an asset, and I'll use and abuse anyone who is generous enough to lend their time and talent to my den. This approach has enabled me to lead for four years without an official assistant den leader, but at least five "unofficial" assistants!

 

However, I've had some boys who were absolute angels of behavior due to the unfamiliarity with the Den Leader - in short, they don't know how far they can push me, so they don't push too hard. Bring Mom or Dad into the mix, and they are suddenly more comfortable, knowing just how far they can push, and so they do - to the breaking point! To such parents I try to give jobs that don't require their presence, like bringing cookies to the pack meetings or campsite preparation on outings.

 

One question for Acco40 - you mentioned that a husband/wife doesn't constitute two-deep leadership. I'll agree that a husband/wife team isn't an ideal example of two-deep leadership, but I've never heard this was specifically disallowed. Not trying to start an argument or anything - the reason I ask is because I am a district trainer, and I'm constantly asked about the permutations of two-deep leadership. When asked about husband/wife teams, I refer to the BSA policy that there must be two adults present - two registered leaders, or a registered leader and the parent/guardian of one of the participants who is at least 21. However, I usually add that the youth-protection guideline is for *adult* as well as youth protection, so a non-related adult is better to provide more accountability, but that it isn't *required*.

[Lynda J]

I can tell you the main reason I stopped having my den meet at my house. I ended up being the babysitter. Had one mother that wouldn't come and get her son until after 8:00.

As far as "wives" not liking it. Since about 80% of Cub Dens are lead my MOTHERS, don't think that holds true.

 

I also think that it may be an insurance and legal problem. People are so quick to sue that I would prefer not to have a bunch of kids at my house.

We met in a Scout Hut furnished by our Charter Org. That way we had storage for all our supplies.

 

As far as parents staying. It was fine with me as long as they were there to help not sit on the side and talk. It isn't a social hour.

[Bolo]

My experience as past Wolf, Bear and Webelos leader is the boys accomplish much more at meetings if the parents are not there, providing there is no discipline problem. During my time as a Wolf leader, however, I did ask the parents not to come to the den meetings. Some were angry at first, but after all settled down the meetings ran much better. One risk in NOT having parents there, however, is the problem of "lack of communication" with the parents. It is essential that the parents know what is going on re meetings, outings, other events, advancement (we know many parents do not read the handbooks!), etc., and you shouldn't rely on the boys communicating all the info to their parents. Phone call reminders worked best for me. This takes time, but it's worth it!

 

[singmee2sleep]

I'm a new den leader and have 5 bears. There has been 2 months worth of meetings in which I was thankful enough to have 3 of the parents "want" to stay and they helped me a lot.

 

But, things have changed and now I have developed a bond with the boys and can pretty much run things on my own so, now instead of helping, during the meetings (which are held at the school) the parents are huddling in a group in the corner and socializing. I want to mention to them that they do not have to stay but, I don't want it to come out rudely ecspecially because if it hadn't been for them in the beginning, I would have been lost or resigned.

[singmee2sleep]

I'm a new den leader and have 5 bears. There has been 2 months worth of meetings in which I was thankful enough to have 3 of the parents "want" to stay and they helped me a lot.

 

But, things have changed and now I have developed a bond with the boys and can pretty much run things on my own so, now instead of helping, during the meetings (which are held at the school) the parents are huddling in a group in the corner and socializing. I want to mention to them that they do not have to stay but, I don't want it to come out rudely ecspecially because if it hadn't been for them in the beginning, I would have been lost or resigned.

[SemperParatus]

Singme,

 

Do you have an assistant den leader? If not, consider recruiting one of the adults standing in the corner. They can help you shoulder some of the load. Also, you might find instances where you want the parents involved so you should make some attempt to include them in what you do. I would, as politely as possible, explain that it is not necessary to stay at every den meeting but everyone is welcome to. Being new, the parents are interested to see what this scouting stuff is about. They are probably watching a little from the sidelines. Focus on the boys, if a parent feels the need to hangout that is their right. However, if they become a disruption, then they must be set straight. Best of luck as a new den leader.

[mjengels]

I'm a prarent of a cub scout. We have our meeting at a Hall. There are 6 kids and all the parents stay. But they are usless no one disiplines there child they just let them run around like fools. The den leaders child is one of the worst ones. They are out of control. Sometimes I think it would be better if they parents did not stay or maybe just one of them. They think it is social hour and just talk to the leader and let the kids run. I hope things get better over here.

[Bushmaster]

When my son started as a Tiger, we had almost all the meetings at the Den Leader's house. She worked Monday through Friday and couldn't really have a meeting except on the weekend when the school was closed. The parents were there, of course, and they did usually participate when we had a craft or kite flying or something similar going on.

 

When he was a Wolf, we began to rotate the Den meeting to each parent's house. Since the parents drove the boy to the meeting, they stayed, and again, they participated when we were teaching something to the boys (i.e., compass skills, knots, etc). It was nice to have Dad helping his son or Mom helping her son, too.

 

Now that he is a Bear, we have kept this mode. We alternate places (the parents are asked to volunteer for at least one meeting, but they don't have to). They (we) almost always stay for the meeting. We recently built the toolbox, and each boy had a Dad there to help hold the wood while he hammered the nails.

 

We have found that having the parents there keeps them involved in their son's activities and advancement. It is also good when we have a discipline problem to be able to turn to the parent and ask them to help us enforce the code of conduct. We also benefit from the parents "bonding" together and joining in with other Pack responsibilities.

 

Mike

[acco40]

tma-1 - your two-deep leadership question: Does a husband and wife team (both registered leaders) constitute two-deep leadership?

 

With the on-line youth protection training now available it states:

 

Two registered adult leaders or one registered adult leader and a parent of a participant, one of whom must be at least 21 years of age or older, are required on all trips and outings. The chartered organization is responsible for ensuring that sufficient leadership is provided for all activities.

 

I could not find in the on-line literature (youth protection or G2SS) any reference to not allowing a husband and wife team to act as two-deep ledership. However, back before on line YP training was available I took the hour or so course numerous times with an YP expert (usually a social worker or someone in the field a la child protective services) and the training video it was verbally communicated to us during training that a husband/wife team did not meet the requirements from a youth protection standpoint. I can't find any written reference to that now.

 

Now a den meeting is not considered an outing. So is two-deep leadership required?

 

 

[EagleInKY]

Two deep leadership does not apply to meetings. HOWEVER, it is always a good idea. I've only had a couple of occasions where it has happened, but sometimes you may have an assistant bail on you at the last minute, or have to run an errand. You can't cancel the meeting every time that happens.

 

Remember, the 1-on-1 rule still applies and should always be kept in mind. This is even more critical if you are the only adult at a meeting.