Not what we expected

[cubmasterp944]

I have a big question and a vent.

First thank you for all you experience and generosity for us confused folks.

Here goes. I am the AC to my husbands "CM". We are a new pack with 47 boys on our roster, only about 35 actually active and when I say active I mean pulling teeth. Not the boys, the parents. Originally we were 10 boys(8 wolves 2 tigers) until roundup. Our wolves are running great and are now 16. Our other dens are limping badly. As CM and AC and since there was no one else to do so, my hisband and I have done much more that what is expected from a cubmaster. Den schedules, fundraising plans, advancement keeping, you name it. Our CC is great and is also taking too much. It's burning us out and I hate feeling this way. A bake sale was done to raise money for books for the boys and only 5 moms contributed the whole time. It makes me resentful and frustrated. Our problems range from Tiger parents taking off to new leaders not showing up again. In a nutshell, how are we to get these parents a little more enthused and what exactly are a cubmasters duties? .

[sctmom]

When you say "Tiger parents taking off" do you mean they leave their child at the meeting?

Someone stands at the door and when the parents arrive and try to just "drop and run" you say "I'm sorry your child cannot stay unless you stay". No matter what their excuse is, stand firm. The answere is NO.

 

The Cubmaster's duties are explained in the Cub Scout Leader handbook.

 

You need to sit down with the parents, either as a group or one by one and explain the situation. Without involvement, there is no Cub Scouts. Cub Scouting is about families. They can have some great times with their son, but they MUST be there.

 

[evmori]

cubmasterp944,

Welcome!

 

How is your relationship with you charter partner? I would sit down with them & explain the problem. Then I would schedule a parent meeting and include your charter rep & explain to the parents what Cub Scouts is all about. As sctmom stated, Tiger parents ARE NOT suppose to drop of their Tigers. This part of the program is a parent & son program.

 

Ed Mori

Scoutmaster

Troop 1

1 Peter 4:10

 

[Pack38Scouter]

http://www.geocities.com/~pack215/cm.html

 

To me a Cubmaster is no more than an MC at the Pack Meeting, a figure head for the Pack. He/she puts on a memorable pack gathering event for the boys each month. He/she deals with the boys while the CC deals with the parents and runs the Pack. The engine that drives the Pack are the leaders and the parents. I have been a Cubmaster for Pack 38 the last two years. Although, I have enjoyed my time serving as CM ... there are numerous times the burnt-out feeling is overwhelming. Only until recently did I have a good ACM. Our CC still needs a little motivation ... but she is trying. For a Pack the size of 130 kids, I was pulling the heavy load a lot of times. The parents help but not volunteeringly. So I have been in yours and your husband's shoes before.

 

My advice is to sit all the parents down and have a heart-to-heart talk about the situation. You and your husband need to revive the Scouting spirits in the parents and point out that it is a community effort and not just two or three people. You need to point out yours and husband dilemma about getting burn-out. For most people, they do not know what it takes to run a Pack and a Den. Hence ... the training ... you have to get your leaders and parents to training. For most people, they automatically think that if they sign up their boys and just drop them off ... by natural progression they become good boyscout and cubscouts. One parent even have the audacity to ask me this question ... "Isn't that what I pay you for, out of the registration fee?"

 

One thing I can tell you that works is that when you approach people for helps ... don't give them choices ... give them exactly what you want for them to do and they will do it. If you give them choices (e.g., I need someone to help...), most will opt to do nothing and let someone do it. Give them a lot of low punches like Cubmaster minutes that hit home (see the Scoutermaster Minutes Discussion Group). Remind them that it takes an entire village to raise a child. Lord knows I have sent out many tear-jerker emails soliciting helps. Get your District Commissioner to help. He/she is usually the best to give pep talk to the parents and leaders.

 

Tell your Tiger parents that it is required for them to attend the Den and Pack meeting with their son. It is a shared leadership environment.

 

To get parent enthusiastic, in my experience, you and your CC have to pull together a fun program that will involve the parents. Give them responsibility that they could handle. You can tell by the way that they talk, the way that they walk, and their talent survey responses. When they have fun ... their son will have fun and they will roll up their sleeves to help. As they have said, the more people helping, the less work for everyone! Currently, I have close to 50 leaders (DL & ADL, Committee Rep, and various chairpeople, including two ACMs) to serve 130+ boys. It took a lot of work, but these people actually enjoy being part of the Pack ... now all that I have left to do is somehow get them to go to training every year!

 

When you and your husband's scouting energies run low, look at how happy you have made one kid, your son ... and it is worth all the while! If you can teach and make another one enjoys scouting, then it is only the icing on the cake! I usually attend round table, pow wow, cub university, etc. to get a recharge. Seeing these people who do a whole lot more than what I do ... inspires me.

 

It's never what we all expected! Good luck ... hang in there! Remember ... it only take one hour a week! lol

 

YIS,

 

Pack38Scouter

 

[CubsRgr8]

The best way I found to communicate to parents was during pack meetings. Have the boys hand out adult leader registration forms and talent surveys at the start of the meeting. Then, after the opening, the ACM takes the boys and den leaders off to play a game for 20 minutes and the CM holds a parents meeting.

 

Show them the Fast Start tape (I think it's about 12 minutes long). When it's done, emphasize that it's their pack, not yours, and by the way, they're all now (partially) trained leaders . Praise them for enrolling their families in cub scouting and then give them a few minutes for schmoozing with the neighbors. Good luck!

[GreyingWolf]

Parental non-involvement can be attributed to a variety of things - they too may be overbooked, or disinterested, or may just not understand how important their involvement is.

 

As opposed to at the outset laying-on the "there's no Pack without you" or "your son's not in Tigers without you" lines (though those should be in your hip pocket), you should take the time to educate the families. So a training session, assisted by the chartering organization, is in order.

 

Don't try to do all this yourselves - Know And Use Your Resources. See if your unit commissioner can't bring-in an experienced trainer to present the New Leader Essentials training - or maybe an experienced, supportive CM from another veteran unit. The NLE training is about 90 minutes, covering why the program is so important to a boy's development, and the methods it uses. And Parental Involvement (supportive, appropriate, caring adult involvement) is one of the most important methods.

 

Once this has been explained, you then point out that the program is carefully-structured - from over 60 years' experience - to involve parents at all ages in different ways. In Tigers, the parents are a close, integral, minute-to-minute part of the program. In Wolves and Bears, parents are still involved - den leader, assistants, supporting roles in setting-up stuff. In Webelos, ideally, some of the parents become the Activity counselors.

 

It's so easy for 90% of the work to be done by 10% of the parents - you, after all, were probably the ones that had the spark to get the unit started. You need to make the work in the unit attractive to the parents. And understandable, and non-threatening - these parents may have fear-of-failure, or uncertainty about how they do it, or believe that they have to be well-trained in this stuff... Yes, there are always a couple who are simply too busy to be involved with their sons - you have to tell them, even explicitly, that BSA is not Babysitters of America.

 

The parents have to see the connection between their son's development and enjoyment, and their involvement. If they see that, then they start to reprioritize their time. And they have fun. And that becomes a magnet for other parents...

[sctmom]

"As opposed to at the outset laying-on the "there's no Pack without you" or "your son's not in Tigers without you" lines (though those should be in your hip pocket),"

 

The rule for Tigers IS "your son is not in Tigers alone, there MUST be an adult". This is a BSA rule and one that should be enforced. Tigers always have their adult partner with them. That adult can be a parent or other adult appointed by the parents such as an uncle, aunt, grandparent or other relative.