Denless Dad with question about Homesick Boys

[theysawyoucomin']

I am a former Den Leader that had "his" boys cross over on Saturday night.

Thinking ahead to summer camp what ways do you have for keeping the youngest Scouts from getting homesick? This will be the first time many of these boys are away for a whole week. All were at Cub Camp for three days at a time, but I am concerned and thinking ahead about the whole week. They don't "belong" to me anymore they belong to their Patrol leaders but I will be there and I'm wondering what you all do.

One good thing is that they are joining their Patrols now in prep for late July.

[vmpost]

In the heat of a bout of homesickness, DISCOURAGE THEM FROM CALLING HOME! Try to distract them with other activities until the worst wave passes. Then make a judgement call as to the phone call. In our troop, we try not to have our boys call home as it just seems to encourage homesickness. Homebound parents may be well-meaning, but are often much of the problem.

 

Keep them busy but not exhausted. Exhaustion and tiredness lead to wanting a Mommy's touch. But do keep activities going. Keep them clean. It sounds wierd, but the sweaty, dirty boy will be more pensive than the clean Scout.

 

Nighttime can be the hardest. Pair likely candidates with another Scout who is a little more seasoned about being away from home. Make sure they know they can wake up the PL or even you if they need to talk it out.

 

Prepare the tent partner & PL with ideas on how to cope. Give ideas on how to redirect the conversation, like, "remember when", what they did that day, something to get them laughing, maybe reading a book, ...

[Beavah]

The biggest thing you can do is talk to the parents several months before. Tell them:

 

1) Talk up all the fun he'll have at summer camp, and how cool it's going to be. Have dad share his fun summer camp stories.

 

2) Help them plan things out & pack (DON'T plan and pack for them). Include a small special item or game that they can share... as simple as a deck of cards... something to fall back on for hookin' up with other kids.

 

3) Practice a few "life skills" like hanging up a towel to dry or bagging clothes that have become "ripe."

 

4) NEVER say "We're going to miss you so much" or anything of the sort.

 

5) NEVER talk about how the rest of the family is going to go on some (other, fun) vacation without him while he's gone.

 

Confidence and pride in the parents will almost always be reflected as confidence and grit in the boy. Worry, concern, fretting by the parents will often result in worry by the boy.

 

And for goodness sake, get them out on a few weekend trips with the troop that are fun and successful before they head off to camp!

[EagleInKY]

I'm not a psychiatrist, nor do I play one on TV. But these are some of my learnings over the years:

 

- Don't let them call home.

- Keep them busy. We get them to take as many handicraft MBs as possible. That gives them projects to do.

- Partner them up with mature kids. Talk to those kids about encouraging him.

- Make sure he's comfortable. Dry, clean underwear is important.

- Make sure he's showering & using the restroom. If the latrine is freaking him out, work out a way for him to use a real restroom.

- Don't mother him, he has one of those. Babying him will only make the situation worse.

- Make sure he's eating.

- Encourage the parents to send a letter or letters. (Hint, these can cause worse homesickness if they talk about things he's missing, such as his dog or Playstation). In those letters, talk about the fun they know he's having and how proud they are of him.

- Don't let them call home... but if that does happen, talk to the parents first. And make sure they are prepared to tell him to "suck it up and stay at camp".

 

The last one seems harsh. I actually had that happen once. The Scout told his dad that his stomach hurt. Dad told him to "throw up and get back to camp". The boy made it through the week and matured as much as any kid I had seen. If the parents had babied him and come seen him, we would never have seen him again.

[vmpost]

Make sure he's getting enough to drink, too. We usually camp in the mountains and they don't realize how much they can dehydrate nor how quickly. Appropriate drinks are important, too. (Water vs. sodas, fruit juice vs. caffiene)

 

Altitude sickness or dehydration can make a child think he's homesick because he doesn't feel well.

 

And let me reiterate what EagleinKY says, "Don't mother him." !!!!! I am female, and while the temptation is sometimes there, it is NOT in the best interest of the Scout!

[eagle90]

Great suggestions so far. I also think it is beneficial if one of the dads of the new crossovers is able to go to camp with the former den. This gives the new boys someone they know, someone they are familiar with, not just these "new strange" leaders.

[John-in-KC]

Something else that works: RECOGNITION. Give them a pat on the back for a job well done. Recognize folks at daily flag ceremonies for MBs completed.

 

Kids eat up attaboys!

[SemperParatus]

Great advice from all so far.

 

I have found that the farther away from home you go, the less chance of a parent putting up with pleas to 'come get me.'

 

In my experience, Wednesday is often the day that homesickness grabs hold the hardest. Have something big planned for that day - a special troop outing or activity to keep young minds active and thinking about anything but home.

 

Preparation and positive expectations are the best tools to head off the problem. Weekend camping trips leading up to summercamp are important to instill a sense of 'awayness' and confidence. Older scouts, adult leaders and parents should focus on the new boys building outdoor confidence and enjoyment of camping with buddies. Do everything possible to avoid letting negative thoughts creep in to their minds.

 

Make sure they plan a summercamp experience that is varied and fun. Sitting in merit badge classes all day can sure make you daydream about home. Don't let them overschedule merit badge work. Leave plenty of time for hanging out, swimming, hiking, shooting, climbing, exploring, canoing, horseback riding, etc.

 

Many camps have outstanding chaplains on staff who deal with homesick boys all summer long. They can be a very good resource and have a lot of experience in talking with boys about the issue.

 

I really like Eagle90's suggestion to have a known parent attend summercamp. Someone that the boy really knows well and who really knows the boy well, can in many cases make all the difference.

 

Welcome to boy scouts!

[msnowman]

From my experience parents are almost worse about causing homesickness than the boy himself is. As has been mentioned, the "we/the dog/cat/goat/gamboy will miss you" is a deathknell. If you can get the parent over being homesick for their boy you will have a lot better chance of keeping him at camp. Our Pack (I know, younger than yours, but still) discourages parents from coming on Parents day because the boys are more likely to want to go home with them since they are already there.

 

Everybody has such great suggestions - its easy to tell Homesickness is a common malady at all levels of camp.

 

Good luck and good camping

 

YiS

Michelle

[Adrianvs]

Although several of the points have been addressed in the responses, here is a primer on homesickness by the Rev. Msgr. Francis Schwartz, whom I met at a session of National Camping School a couple of years ago. The little article is spot on.

 

http://www.inquiry.net/adult/problems/homesick.htm

 

One thing that I would like to add, however, is that the guideline regarding calling home or keeping the boy at camp is not an absolute. As a camp chaplain, I have been taken to a scout who, resulting from a number of factors, was bordering on psychosis. The child had some specific developmental issues (and clinical, if I recall), and a history of maladaptive behaviors related to separation which were not made known to the scoutmasters. Later in the week, when the sitation had become very serious, the scoutmaster had to accept that keeping the boy at camp against his will was irresponsible and that a promise that his parents would be called the following morning was the only thing that would allow this child to escape his condition and return to his camp and sleep. (This was not a ploy, by the way; the parents in this case were completely unavailable for sigificant periods of time.) In any case, one must realize that there are situations (albeit rare) where a case of homesickness can be the circumstance of something more serious.

[theysawyoucomin']

Thank you to all who replied, there is some good advice here.

[scoutldr]

The advice about calling home is good, however very difficult to enforce when every kid or their tent-mate has their own cell phone. It took us years to get the pay phone removed from the trading post because kids were lined up all day long to call mommy collect (or girlfriends)...and now this. If you are at a camp with no reception, consider yourself lucky!

[Bolo]

Cell phones at camp??? Nooooowayyyyyyy!

One camp we attended actually had a tv/vcr in the health lodge available to homesick scouts for a few hours. This did seem to help one of ours who feigned sickness to go home.

Parents' night (Wed) has been the hardest. I actually have met parents in the parking lot and told them, "Don't take him home, no matter what he says to you." This is always hard for the parents, but we've never had a scout go home on Wednesday. Homesickness disappears when boys 1) don't call home, 2) are kept busy, clean, etc and 3) recognized, praised for their accomplishments and all of the suggestions above.

Good Luck!

[Lynda J]

Many moons ago when I was at Girl Scout Summer Camp one of the girls got home sick really bad.

One of the Counselors had her write to her parents every day. Telling them what she had done and what fun she had had that day. It was not something I would have done but it worked. The counselor said it gives them a connection with home and they get to put to paper what they had done and realized how much fun they had had.

 

 

But NEVER NEVER let them call home or have the parents call.

[Vicki]

Let's not deal in absolutes - as in never allow the boy to call home. If the parent is appropriately primed as to the boy's condition, the call can get the boy over the hump a lot faster than leaders. Of course, I'm one of those "with your shield or on it" parents - similar to the father who said "throw up and get back to camp." But if my son's scoutmaster hadn't allowed him to call from JLTC on Thursday and I found out about it when he got home, I think I would have been pretty upset. As it was, the SM called, told me what was happening and what my son's condition was and I talked him in from the ledge (so to speak). Pointed out that this was what we'd talked about before he left, ran through some visualization exercises with him (think of yourself getting your shield in two days) - a personalized pep talk that only mom could give him.

 

It's a judgment call - there are no absolutes in this situation. Another thing to keep in mind, as much as it goes against the grain to say this, they aren't our sons. If a scout is screaming, begging, etc., to call home it can verge on the abusive not to allow it. And if the parents are the type to drop everything and come get him, even after all advice to the contrary, well, so be it.

 

Changing tack here - I agree with the poster who suggested keeping them hydrated. Going to summer camp and now NYLT, I can say that this is often overlooked in brain function, fatigue and general health.

 

Vicki