That Generic Camp Staff Skit

[OldGreyEagle]

Am putting together a book of skits and I am looking for one that I just remember parts of, I have tried lots of places and I cant find it anywhere. its starts with a group of scouts talking about the summer camp staff. It has lines in it like, "I am not sure about that new Rangemaster, did you notice every time he shoots a gun he wipes off his finger prints?" and when they talk about the cook, its something along the lines of "they said they had been cooking that way for 30 years, I just wish they wouldnt wait 30 years to serve it" and another line about the waterfront director working on his tan, or rust as another one puts it.

Does this ring a bell with anyone?

 

 

So a church needs a new bellringer...

 

 

[scoutdad]

so this guy shows up to apply for the job of bellringer. The caretaker asks him if he has any experience and he says no. Alright, let me show you where the bell is and how to ring it. The caretaker opens the door to the tower and together the start to climb the long way up to the tower. About half way up the caretaker turns to the young man and asks "did you latch the door?". answer- No. down they go and latch the door. Once more they climb the stair to the top of the tower. When they reach the top the the caretaker says " all you have to do is pull real hard on this rope" The caretaker demonstrats this and the bell move one way with a mighty gong and then the other way striking the young man in the face with an other gong way who then falls all the way to the ground. The care taker then goes back down the lon flight of stairs to find a small crowd around the dead young man. One of the crowd asks who the young man was. The care taker bends over and looks carefully and then replys " I don't know but his face shure rings a bell"

 

NEXT NIGHTS CAMPFIRE

 

Young man shows up at the church and says he is the brother of the young man killed and asks how it happened. The care taker takes him up the tower just like before, door and all, get to the top and says " I was just showing hi how the bell works like this -pulls the rope- the bell move one way with a mighty gong and then the other way striking the brothers face with a mighty gong and the brother falls to his death also. The care taker then goes back down the lon flight of stairs to find a small crowd around the dead young man. One of the crowd asks who the young man was. The care taker bends over and looks carefully and then replys " I don't know but he's a dead ringer for his brother.

 

Scoutdad

Usually here beside the trail watching the procession.

[OldGreyEagle]

Sure, give me the one I know, I need the one that talks about the camp staff, I saw it once in a collection of skits, and now I cant find it. SOmeting about the Dining Hall steward saying dont complain about the food, after all they have been cooking food here for 50 years, the reply, well tell them the vegetables are done!

 

Help me!

[Twocubdad]

I haven't heard the staff jokes you're looking for, but here's a great skit I heard at camp school that has people rolling on the floor. I may have posted it before, but it's worth repeating.

 

The whole camp staff lines up across the stage, each with a Scout neckerchief. The announcer is out front and says that instead of doing a skit, the staff wants to take the time to teach a little Scout history and talk about the importance of the scout bandana.

 

"Lord Baden-Powell always said the bandana is the most important part of the Scout uniform because of all the useful things you can do with it. The easiest use for a bandana is as a signaing device." (All the staff take their bandanas off and waves them over their heads)

 

"For many other uses, you have to know how to fold a bandana." (All the staff demonstrate how to fold a bandana into a bandage).

 

"Once it's folded, you can use your bandana as a bandage, if, for example you had cut your arm, you can wrap it around your wrist." (Staff all wrap bandana around their wrist.)

 

"At dinner, you can use it as a napkin" (Staff tuck their bandanas inside their collar and spread them on their shirts.)

 

"After dinner, you can, of course, use it to wipe your face." (Staff demonstrates).

 

"One of the obvious uses for a bandana is as a hankerchief." (Staff all pretend to blow their noses.)

 

"At bath time, you can use your bandana for a wash cloth." (Staff pretends to wash, especially their armpits.)

 

"And because A Scout is Clean, it's important that you be sure to wash your ears." (Staff twists their bandana into a point and clean their ears.)

 

"And that, gentlemen, is but a few uses of the Scout bandana! Thank you."

 

The punch line, and what is happening behind the back of the announcer, is that one staffer -- with a confused look on his face -- is going through all these demonstrations using a BANANA. The mushier the better. Pick a real ham to demonstrate the banana, someone who can really play up the confused looks. He needs to smear banana every where. When he blows his nose, have him make a real loud raspberry noise and blast chunks of banana every where. Make a real mess of it.

 

One of the fun parts of this skit is not letting the rest of the staff in on the joke. We did that with the den leaders at day camp and the two guys either side of the banana guy just about died. They trid to play it straight, but the more they tried not to laugh the worse they got. We finished the skit with a couple guys on their knees crying laughing.

 

It works as a skit for the Scouts, too, since it fits for the announcer to read the script, as if he's giving a lecture. And there's always one cut-up in every den/patrol who wants to be the banana guy.

[OldGreyEagle]

What I need is generic camp jokes about staff members

[buffalo2]

Saw one last week at Camp Powhatan in Blue Ridge Council (come in Le Voyageur?) that was pretty well done; forgive me if I can't do justice to it... Staffer 1 walks out and delivers a roast of one of the area directors (his boss of course) and pretends to sit on a bench. Staffer after staffer continues in this vein and the Commissioners get in the act until the virtual bench is full and most of the senior staff has been abused in some way, upon which the Camp Director comes on and reviews these tales of woe.

He goes off on his own rant about the quality of the staff this year before berating them for not noticing that their bench was moved last week... All staffers immediately fall to the ground of course. These roasts of the area directors were pretty special and quite humorous; complete with appropriate costuming and exaggerated mannerisms.

Much better live than what I've managed to describe here!

Good luck OGE

[willysjeep]

Run ons and various skits I have heard that were kind of neat:

 

guy with a small soda bottle. He opens it and looks inside the cap

"Please try again"

so he screws the cap back on, unscrews it again

"Please try again!"

repeats process again and again, muttering and walking off stage.

 

Guy comes out frantically yelling "Watch" and making a fool of himself. After a few laps he ends up at center stage, when he points to his wristwatch or a big pocket watch and says in a calm voice "watch"

 

Guy with an old pie pan or pot lid, with a big, big pole barn spike shoved through the center to make it look like a gigantic thumbtack. Goes running around with it above his head yelling "I'm under attack"

can also work with a salt shaker or salt box, yelling "I'm under assult" this can also work similarly with big cardboard signs with Appreciated or Paid or Stood written on them....you get the idea

 

 

Spring camp-o-ree only skit:

 

scout1 is standing on stage

scout2 walks out with a big spring made out of thick wire, or an old bedspring, something

scout2 says "here ya go, {name}"

scout1 takes the spring from scout2

Scout2 then grabs the spring back yelling "yoink" (old slang for stealing something)

scout1 says "what just happened!?"

Scout2 says "You just witnessed the first robbin' of spring"

 

This was adapted from an Ozy and Millie comic strip by D C Simpson if anybody cares.

 

Meritbadge follies. Get a few staffers from diferent areas to make fake merit badges and pretend to work on them all week and then have a moc court of honor at the campfire for them. Some popular fake badges a few years ago were Leisure merit badge, with requirements like gain 10 pounds, get a tan, and learn to delegate.......be creative.

 

we did this just as sort of an inside joke once. A buddy and I would walk towards each other from opposite sides of the stage. When we got a few feet apart we would do the old cowboy-gunfight crouch & circle and a friend of mine would do the Clint Eastwood Good, Bad, &ugly theme on a little ocharina. So we would circle a little and then just walk off stage. Later we would do the same thing only after a circle or two the guy off stage would walk on and ask what time it was and we would both quick draw pocket watches.

 

We also had tons of fun with an old stretcher from the health lodge. Once our fire builders were having some bad luck and a fire was almost out half way into a campfire. So one guy went on stage and yelled something like "It's fading fast, get the stretcher crew out here" and we would run out with the stretcher stacked with firewood and "revive" the fire, worked as a run-on. We did the "hup hup hup" quadruple time marching thing too, like in old cartoons and the 3 stooges movies. It got a few laughs. In fact, we found so many uses for that stretcher it was scary.

 

have a big chunk of rope on one side of the stage, with a piece of fish line tied to it, Have a guy drag it out on stage and another guy say "Why ya draging that rope"

the other guy says "Ya ever try pushing one?"

so the guy who didn't drag the rope on stage grabs the end the other guy had. Now a guy with the fishing line in hand and hiding behind something off stage pulls the rope back while the other guy, who started out on stage "pushes" the rope back off stage.

 

Have a big dome tent set up, and a scout with a little 1 man dome tent and a bucket of water hiding inside (this is a very questionable skit so use it wisely). The opening of the big tent must face stage left or stage right. Now the kid inside begins to shake the tent violently, and splashes the bucket of water out the door. After a little shaking he pushes the small 1 man dome tent out the door of the big tent slowly, keep the shaking up. the narrator says "And that's how tents are born/made (whatever sounds better)" You can also have the announcer be the crocodile hunter, a dull monotone nature film narrator, or a doctor. It even works good to have them get splashed with the water while crouching or leaning down about 8 feet infront of the door. Be sure to set this up so the firelight doesn't cast a shadow of what's going on inside the tent and give it away to the audience right away.(This message has been edited by willysjeep)

[FScouter]

willysjeep -

Regarding that last skit about the small tent and the big tent, why does the boy throw water out the door??

[purcelce]

Regarding that last skit about the small tent and the big tent, why does the boy throw water out the door??

 

Maybe it shows that mama tent's water broke?

(This message has been edited by purcelce)

[FScouter]

DUH. The tent is a mother? What is broken water? Could you explain this in terms that an eleven year old will understand? Be sure to explain the humor too. This "skit" is about as humorous as those defecation skits that some find "funny" in a warped way. If you would not personally perform this in front of your mother, then it doesn't belong in Scouting. And if you would, well, then maybe its time to find another troop for my kid. BOOOO ! HISSS!

[Adrianvs]

Who says poop isn't funny?

[ManyIrons]

Defecation skits? Where in the world were they occurring?!

 

Poop could be funny -- but then again, I'm a Buffalo (and a good ol Buffalo too!)

[purcelce]

 

 

The nature of the skit is that the tent is an animal giving birth. I know that many 11 year olds have seen an animal give birth on the Discovery Channel.

 

I would show this skit to my mother and grand mother. They would both be on the floor laughing.

 

It don't see it on the lines of a poop skit.

 

Just make sure the crock hunter doesn't have his baby in hand..

 

This is just my opinion. I see nothing wrong with the skit.

[ManyIrons]

OGE,

 

Heres one I remember:

 

Two people standing in front of the audience. Two or three others, off stage and out of sight.

 

Person #1: Hey, did you know this camp has an echo?

 

Person #2: Really?

 

Person #1: Yeah, check this out (puts hands to mouth and hollers helloooooo, this is repeated at short intervals by the folks off stage to simulate an echo).

 

Person #2: Whoa! Thats cool, let me try. (puts hands to mouth and hollers ba - lon - neeeeeee, which is repeated at short intervals by the folks off stage).

 

Person #1: Baloney? Whats up with that?

 

Person #2: (shrugs) Its my favorite lunchmeat. Hey, do you think that echo would still work with a longer phrase?

 

Person #1: Hmmm, I dont know, give it a try

 

Person #2: Okay, umm, uh, oh, Ive got one! (puts hands to mouth and hollers Our camp director is the best! to which the folks offstage respond with: baloney . . . baloney . . . )

 

Another variation is for the off-stage group to just yell "baloney" all at once.

 

[Adrianvs]

I wish that someone knew the rest of the staff jokes.

 

My first year as a camper at summer camp, our troop skit was a series of impersonations of the staff members. While not jokes per se, they went over very well..