Has anyone seen a good new campfire skit?

[Crew21_Adv]

Eagle92 and Fellow Scouters,

 

Greetings again!

 

 

A common joke, but I have had many friends tell me it was based off a true story (yeah right). Many cultures in Hawaii are able to joke and laugh at their own and each others heritage. Seems like the Pacific Islander Portuguese are the recipient of many jokes and they even joke about themselves.

 

Two traffic cops of Portuguese heritage just pulled over a drunk driver that was speeding and swerving thru traffic on Kalanianaole Highway. As the senior cop was writing the ticket, the senior asked the rookie how to spell Kalanianaole. The junior traffic cop shrugged his shoulders because he just couldn't spell it either.

 

Finally, the senior cop exited the cop car, walked up to the drunks car window, spoke to him for a few seconds and let him drive off.

 

The rookie cop yelled "What are you doing?! That driver was drunk! Did you just let him off with a warning?!"

 

The senior cop answered back. "Don't worry! We'll let him drive down to King street and just arrest him down there!"

 

Scouting Forever and Venture On!

Crew21 Adv

[Gags]

Here's a joke I came across the other day (made "Scout" friendly). It shouldn't take much in the way of props or additional wording to make it an effective skit:

 

Red Riding Hood was on her way to her grandmother's place when she saw a Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log [or behind the podium, behind the campfire, behind the bench, etc.]. "My what big eyes you have," said Red Riding Hood. The wolf runs away...

 

A little further down the road Red Riding Hood sees the wolf crouched behind a tree. "My, what big ears you have," said Red Riding Hood. Again, the wolf runs away.

 

Little Red Riding Hood was getting a little suspicious by this time but continued on her way to grandmas. About 2 miles down the road she sees the wolf again, this time he is squatting behind a road sign. "My what big teeth you have," said Red Riding Hood.

 

With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "WILL YOU [bug] OFF? I'M TRYING TO TAKE A [dump]!"

 

--Gags

 

[le Voyageur]

 

 

A 3 legged dog walks into a saloon...says in a loud voice

 

 

"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!"

 

 

The policeman pulls over a car onto the side of the road and walks over to the driver.

"Do you realise you've got two snakes attached to the front of your car?" he asks.

"It's all right," replies the driver, "they're just my windscreen vipers."

 

[Scoutfish]

Okay, you will need a couple props for this one:

A stop sign, a police looking uniform and a night stick.

 

Have a scout pretend to be driving and com ro a stop sign. Instead of stopping, just visibly slow down , but keep moving.

 

At that moment, the "police scout" jumps from behind a busch or tree and does a siren sound. The police scout get's out of his "car" or "motorcycle" and walks up the stopped scout.

 

Police Scout: "Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?"

 

Civilian scout: " No sir!"

 

Police scout: " I pulled you over for not stopping at a stop sign!"

 

Civilain scout: I slowed down, what's the difference?"

 

Police Scout: "Let me show you!"

 

At this point, the police scout pulls out his night stick and starts hitting the civilain on the head and asks: " Do you want me to stop hitting you, or should I just slow down?"

[Eagle86]

Here's one you don't see too often:

 

Setting is a scientific lab studying Bullfrogs and how far they can jump.

 

Enter Dr. Guido Panzini (it helps if you can do a thick italian accent or you can change the ethnic background and name of the scientist)

 

Script:(I'll try to write in my italian accent)

 

Hello Ima Dr Guido Panzini and Ima gonna see how far thisa Bullafrog canna jump. We gonna use the scientifica methods. I gotta everything measured out here onna the floor.

(he puts the bullfrog on the floor)

Okay letsa start the test.

(He yells)

Froggy Froggy Jumpa Jumpa.

(he motions his head as if he is watching the frog jump. he walks a short distance and picks up the frog and places it back on the lab table)

Thatsa good froggy gotta four legs jumpa 40 feet. Now we gonna cut off a leg.

(he pretends to write down the results then makes a cutting motion on his pretend frog. he puts the frog down on the floor and yells)

Froggy Froggy Jumpa Jumpa

(he goes through the same motions as before with the next 3 legs and the frog jumps 10 feet less each time)

Now, froggy gotta no legs

(he puts the frog on the floor again and yells) Froggy Froggy Jumpa Jumpa

(act as if the frog does nothing. he yells agin)FROGGY FROGGY JUMPA!! JUMPA!!

(again as loud as possible, bent over screaming at the pretend frog) FROGGY!!!!! FROGGY!!!! JUMPA!!!! JUMPA!!! (then he pretends to write as he says loudly)

 

Frog No Legs........Deaf

[OldGreyEagle]

Most of skits are quite long, this one is much shorter and never fails to get a hoot

 

Scout A: I am so glad to be out of the house, all my parents think about is

scouting, my dad wants to serve tin foil dinners at my graduation party!

 

Scout B: You think thats bad? My parents looted my college fund to buy

Coleman stock when they got a tip they were coming out with a propane

powered microwave camp stove.

 

Scout C: Yeah, well my mom says my dads favorite cologne is Deep Woods Off

 

Scout A: When my dad redid the downstairs bathroom, the plans called

for digging a deeper hole.

 

Scout B: MY Dad was arrested at the airport, he wouldnt let go of his pocketknife

until the TSA agent said thank you

 

Scout C: Last winter when we lost power for a day my parents started using the 3

pot method for washing dishes, and We are STILL using it!

 

(Scout D and Scout E walk onto stage)

 

Scout D: Hey, what are you guys doing?,

 

Scout C: Oh, we are just talking about how nuts our parents are over scouting,

Arent you the twin brothers who just joined the troop?

 

Scout E: Yes, just joined and our family is unquestionably the most nuts over

scouting, bar none!

 

Scout B: Oh yeah? What makes you so sure?

 

Scout E: You want to handle that one ... Baden?

 

Scout D; No, you take it ... Powell.

 

[NE-IV-88-Beaver]

Good one, OGE!

[BklynEagle]

An old favorite of my troop, this skit requires a Chieftain and 3 followers.

 

 

Chieftain: As is the custom of our clan, we must prepare for the Ya-Putch-Ah.

(To Followers) Prepare the ceremonial dance.

 

Followers begin to dance around, occasionally shouting out. After a few moments

 

Chieftain: I have spoken with the Wind, and I have spoken with the Stars, but it is still not yet time for Ya-Putch-Ah. Continue the ceremonial dance.

 

Dance continues. After a few moments

 

Chieftain: I have spoken with the Sun, and I have spoken with the Moon, yet it is still not yet time for Ya-Putch-Ah. Continue the dance.

 

Dance continues. After a few moments

 

Chieftain: I have spoken with the Sea, and I have spoken with the Earth. The time for Ya-Putch-Ah draws near. Come, we must prepare accordingly.

 

Chieftain and followers form a single line.

 

Chieftain & Followers: (Intoning) Ya-Putch-Ah (Sing) Left hand in, ya putch ya left hand out, ya putch ya left hand in, and ya shake it all about, Ya do the Hokey-Pokey and ya turn yourself around, thats what its all about.

 

[Reaper]

Please forgive my late response, just now reading through these, looking for some jems for our upcoming campout.

 

Hey whereyat Eagle92?!!! Regarding your dead horse on Tchoupitoulas story . . .

 

My Daddy always told me that the cop said, "Hey, y'all help me drag this thing to Camp Street."

 

Which is kinda funny, 'cuz EVERYBODY knows Camp is two blocks from Tchoupitoulas!!!

 

;-)

[825scout]

Here's one I remember doing at my blue and gold banquet

 

There are three prisoners and the rest are on a firing squad pretending to be holding guns and pointing their "guns" at the prisoners

The leader of the firing squad says,"men, you are about to be executed. Do you have any last words?"

The prisoner says, and runs away

The firing squad turns around and says where! Where!?

The leader yells at the firing squad

He then says to the 2nd prisoner, do YOU have any last words

The prisoner says Earthquake !!! And runs away

The firing squad turns around and yells where? where! again

Leader yells at firing squad again

He then says to the last prisoner And do YOU have any last words

FIRE! And starts to run away, but the firing squad fires at him and he falls down dead

[825scout]

Oh, sorry, the 1st prisoner says Torndo! And runs away

[SSScout]

SSSSSHHH!!!!! Don't give it away!!!

 

This skit requires two characters: Both need to be fair thespians, and realize the importance of each role in the "set up" and "resolution": An Introducer, and a Historian. Now since the folks performing the skits around the campfire/Blue & Gold/Training are probably known by the audience, use that fact to good effect.

 

((INTRODUCER comes on stage and in DEAD SERIOUSNESS (!) announces the following)): "Good evening everyone. Now, as a slight change of pace to the usual funny skits we have enjoyed this evening, we'd thought you might enjoy something of a more serious tone. I'd like to bring on someone you already know, our Assistant Scoutmaster, Dave Jones. You probably know Dave for his (Scout Training, Dutch Oven Brownies, years of service, whatever), but you probably DON'T know that he is an amateur historian of some local note. He has memorized some of our Founding Father's more well known speeches and often is called upon to recite them at various events.

Tonite, he will present to you , '"George Washington's Farewell to the Continental Army"'. And so, here's Dave, with GEORGE WASHINGTON'S FAREWELL!"

((INTRODUCER backs off stage, gesturing to HISTORIAN Dave as he comes on stage from the other side)).

((HISTORIAN comes to center stage. He does not smile. This is a serious occasion, his resignation. He looks out over audience, shifts his feet, looks down at his feet, seems alittle nervous, unsure how to begin. He slowly takes his hat off, places it over his heart, takes a slow deep breath, stands tall, and in one motion waves the hat over his head yells "G'BYE!!!" and strides quickly off stage.

 

 

[raisinemright]

My wife and son attended a court of honor last night for our former troop before we moved. They had several skits following the theme "what not to do on a campout." One used a real world example of an ASM who tried to jump onto a bridge as the creek was rising. He missed and fell in.

 

For a while, I was credited with rescuing him but I told the scouts I had nothing to do with it. I was too busy laughing.