Eagle BOR - Something New

[rotorhd]

I am Eagle Advisior in my troop. Not long ago we held an Eagle BOR for one of our candidates. We normally solicit troop parents who are not in leadership positions to be board members. On this particular evening one of our troop parents was a mom w/a newborn. During the course of the BOR she proceeded to breast-feed her newborn.

 

IMHO there's a proper time and place for everything. The feeding could have been easily accomplished either before or after the BOR. THis being a potentially emotional topic, nothing was said by any of the other BOR members to her, incuding myself. BTW - The candidate was unperturbed and came through with flying colors.

 

Don't get me wrong....I fully support a woman's right to breast feed. But I honestly feel more discretion could have been used in this case.

[CalicoPenn]

So let me see if I have this right. A mother of a newborn took time out from her busy and hectic life (ask any mother of a newborn how much free time they have) to volunteer as a member of a BOR for a Scout's Eagle Scout rank, who apparently had no problem with this mother breast-feeding her infant during his BOR (presumably she was modest about it since you don't mention any "exposure" issues) and you want us to be upset that she breast fed her hungry infant during the BOR rather than wait until the BOR was over or doing so before the BOR started (and likely before the infant was ready to feed)?

 

Well, I suppose another alternative would have been to reschedule this lads BOR until you had someone more "appropriate" to serve.

 

The Boy Scout had no problem - maybe it's time some of the adults follow his example and just grow up already.

[rotorhd]

Calico - I posted this knowing full well that it's an emotional issue and had high potential for comment.

 

Sorry if I upset you by raising the issue....just wanted to see what others might think!

 

Thanks for responding...you raise sme good points.

 

 

[Stosh]

I don't have a problem with this parent. Seems to me CalicoPenn is right on with the rationale. No harm, no foul.

 

95% of the women who breast feed do it with great discretion and modesty and for the most part most casual observers wouldn't even know what was going on. Had it been disruptive, I'm sure the Eagle candidate would not have been unperturbed nor come through with flying colors. Sounds like a nice young man that can handle sensitive situations with composure and maturity. Congratulate the young man for me, both his character as well as his Eagle.

 

Stosh

[moosetracker]

Obviously it made you uncomfortable.. You have the right to be honest about your own feelings on the subject..

 

I would guess the scout may have been around more breast-feeding women then you. It does take a few experiences for most people to become comfortable with, regardless of age. If you have not had to experience it before, you are a bit uncomfortable with it. Chances are you lucked out with a scout who was able to handle it well and not be un-nerved by it..

 

If the board members were uncomfortable, or you fear that that the next time may not have such successful reaction from the scouts, just make sure that the board has other members able to serve until you know this woman is through with breastfeeding..

 

I don't think it is worth bring it up to her.. Just work around the situation, let her have this needed time with her newborn, and welcome her back to the board when she is able.

 

Or if others on your board are like Calico, you can choose to not be on any board she is on, until you will feel comfortable about the situation.(This message has been edited by moosetracker)

[Beavah]

Hiya rotorhd, welcome to the Scouter.Com forums.

 

Ordinarily I think that general courtesy would suggest that yeh leave the newborn at home for this sort of event. Not just because of breast feeding, but because of fussing, crying, need to change, etc. Lots of times it's just a courtesy to other people not to assume that every occasion is appropriate for a young baby.

 

She's your guest, though, and yeh did go out of your way to request that she attend. If yeh want parents who aren't leaders to serve because yeh feel that is important in your program, then yeh have to accommodate their needs. Your job is to be an understanding host. Honestly, in the old days of bottle-feeding, nobody would have thought a thing about her bottle-feeding the baby, so I'm not sure why folks get uptight about breast feeding.

 

So I reckon it's your troop's choice. Yeh can change your thoughts about inviting younger parents, yeh can perhaps mention that the occasion isn't appropriate for young children in advance, or yeh can just roll with it.

 

Beavah

 

[Eagledad]

What next, pull out the Iphone to play Sudoku? Anything that is a distraction takes away from the Scouts EBOR. I think feeding the baby from a bottle would be just as distracting. Sure nobody said anything, it's awkward. But I think mom should have excused herself or planned the feeding around the review. I would suggest briefing future volunteers to plan any personal business around EBOR so as not to distract or show disrespect to the scout.

 

Barry(This message has been edited by eagledad)

[Stosh]

Planned the feeding around the review????

 

I take it Barry you've never had nursing kids. I know of no kid under the age of 1 that cares one bit about adult schedules, neither day nor night! My first child proved beyond a reasonable doubt that by crying for 2 weeks, she could keep both parents from getting a good night's sleep. I remember going off to work just to get some sleep. My nursing children had the uncanny expertise of wanting to be fed every time we sat down to eat. I don't know if the smell of food triggered it or not, but regardless of where we were, they got hungry when the food showed up at the table. The kids never wanted a bottle even with breast milk. That meant my wife couldn't go anywhere or do anything for about a year. Nope, scheduling was not an option.

 

I think that there are more inappropriate things BOR members can do than nurse a baby. I think it was admirable this woman took the time to show up to help, and unfortunate she drew negative reactions for doing something as natural as that. Had this been my wife, she might have welcomed the opportunity to get out of the house and interact with others in a very important process for this young man. Sorry, I can't think of a negative reason to comment on this woman's situation.

 

So replace that woman with the veteran SM with 40+ years experience as SM of various troops who gets a coughing spell in the middle of a EBOR, covers his mouth and continues for about a minute working on a lugie, before sniffing a couple of times, wiping his hand on his pants and his eyes on his sleeve, and says, "Now, where were we?"

 

Life doesn't always go the way we want it, get over it. This young woman stepped up to help when asked, that's more than a lot of others would do, even if they weren't nursing newborns. End of story.

 

Stosh

[CalicoPenn]

I'm not upset (why do people think I'm upset about these kinds of things? I'm a realist - we tend not to get upset about things).

 

I certainly have to say it's a new situation for a BOR - a good one to discuss.

 

Now granted, I was probably being a bit snarky when I suggested the adults grow up - I do tend to be snarky like that at times, but that's because I truly think were in the 21st century already, and really, the Victorian Age? It wasn't all that great and we should have outgrown those attitudes by now.

 

But Moose is right, you do have a right to feel uncomfortable so the question becomes, can you put aside your uncomfortableness for the sake of the Scout, who was unperterbed by it all? It seems to me that you did - now if the Scout was bothered, then perhaps a recess would have been in order - but my larger point, which I think you got, is that it's rather bad form to ask someone to volunteer for something this important than get upset because she was able to successfully fulfill that role while also sucessfully fulfilling her more important role as a mother to a newborn.

 

So the question really becomes, what do you do now? Do you make a rule that mothers can't nurse their newborns in BORs from now on? Gosh, I hope not - do we really need rules for everything? Or do you do what Beavah suggests and try to have enough volunteers on hand to avoid this kind of situation in the future (a fine idea) or as Moose suggests, have enough volunteers who won't feel squeamish if this kind of situation presents itself (also a fine idea).

 

Finally, who are you really upset with? This parent or yourself for not thinking that this might happen with the mother of a newborn?

 

Lastly,

 

Welcome to the forums!

[rotorhd]

I was more concerned with the candidate being distracted.... In this case he was not and stayed focused.

 

Eagle Candidates vary in maturity levels, culture and background. I'm sure these are some scouts out there who might have seen a nursing mother on the board as a huge distraction.

 

My point is that we should be doing all we can to keep our scouts focused and to help them succeed.

[Eagledad]

>> End of story.

[T2Eagle]

"The feeding could have been easily accomplished either before or after the BOR."

 

Schedule a newborn's feeding, I wish I had thought of that when my kids were that age.

 

Were you deployed overseas when your kids were newborns? Because I can assure you that breast fed, previously pumped breast milk in a bottle, or formula, whatever it was my kids wanted they were clear that when they wanted it was NOW -- not earlier, not later, NOW.

 

Maybe I should have tried scheduling when it came out the other end too.

 

 

[fred8033]

IMHO, this isn't about feeding the child. It's about having an extra person in the room. The room should have the candidate, the BOR members and optionally the candidates unit leader (i.e. scoutmaster).

 

The person's age doesn't matter. The breastfeeding doen't matter. It's just wrong to have someone else in the room whether that person is two months, two years, two decades or two score years old. At best, the extra person is a non-issue. At worst, the extra person detracts from the BOR.

 

Sounds like this detail was missed. So then what you do? It sounds like it was handled appropriately with least impact on the scout's EBOR.

 

In the future, it's just one of those one-in-a-thousand events you need to plan around. For example, if a BOR members has kids, maybe ask if they will be bringing their kids. Then, you need to find a babysitter while the person is in the EBOR.

 

[Eaglemom2b]

Well...it was memorable and no one will forget it.

--

I took the OP to be less of an objection to the breastfeeding incident and more like a a "now-I've-seen-everything" attitude.

 

It reminded me of my college interview. Since I was more than 150 miles away from the main campus the school asked a local alumnus to do the interview. We met at a local restuarant and during the interview the interviewer got up to use the restroom. As she was walking out her skirt fell off. She just walked right out of it, picked it up, and continued to the restroom. It was all I could do to finish the interview when she returned to the table. I mean once you've seen someone in their underwear....

 

 

[Stosh]

I do think the mom was very well intended when she volunteered to help out. But as was the case, "something came up." The woman had a couple of choices, excuse herself and leave the board in the lurch for a few moments, excuse herself and say this wasn't a good time for her and leave, or, collect up herself, do her best and with all due respect for the boy, continue the BOR under unfortunate circumstances. There was no intent ever to disrespect the Eagle candidate, but she knew the situation was difficult and in order for this young man to get his BOR she stayed with it and completed her task. I know full well she didn't plan for this and hoped to avoid the worse case scenario. It didn't work out for her. I do not see this as any attempt to disrespect the Eagle candidate, but instead, knew the importance of what she needed to do and stuck it out for him. Like the lady who lost her skirt, you do the best with what you have and life goes on.

 

Ideally? I would make every attempt to make the EBOR the best it can be. But Murphy's Law always comes back to haunt us that it doesn't always work out that way.

 

I was a pastor for 15 years and I know for a fact that no matter how much the bride wants the wedding to go off perfect, it NEVER WILL. Just ain't gonna happen.

 

Stosh