Scout spirit

[shortridge]

I'm going to do a Rumsfeld for a second. Bear with me.

 

Is this a horrible situation, for the patrol, troop and boy? Yes.

 

Should the adult leaders have stepped in long before it got to this point - such as during summer camp when the boy and his father stayed at a hotel? Yes.

 

Will it thus be exponentially more difficult for the adult leaders to make this situation better now? Heck, yes.

 

Scout Spirit, fundamentally, is being and acting like a Scout. The SM should immediately call for a Scoutmaster Conference with this young man - not his dad, just him - and express his concerns, perhaps alongside the SPL. He/they should ask the Scout: Do you believe that you have acted like a Scout? Can you give examples of times when you have acted like a Scout? How do you think refusing to participate in Patrol activities is acting like a Scout? How do you think sleeping in a hotel is acting like a Scout? ... and perhaps finally: Do you really want to be a Scout?

 

The SM and CC (and COR, if possible) should then sit down with the father and mother, separately, and discuss, asking the same types of questions, but from a parental perspective. They should make it clear that they have given this boy sufficient time to adjust to Scouting, but that time is over. The boy will begin sleeping with his patrol, in a tent, cooking with his patrol and eating with his patrol. The father is welcome on campouts, as is any parent, but he must step back and go hands-off.

 

There will be backlash, guaranteed, precisely because the leaders lacked the gumption to say "No" from the beginning. They're going to have to prepare for and deal with that. Probably lots of calls to the COR, DE and Council. Tough it out. If this boy and his dad are allowed to continue any longer, it will drive everyone else away and make a laughingstock of the troop.

[dewASM]

Just a question......

 

Is it possible this boy has issues? I can see my nephew who suffers from Aspergers doing some of these things. He is very intelligent and very high functioning BUT only eats certain foods, sleeps certain places, etc. And he lacks the social skills and ability to realize he should not wave his steak at other people. His sense of what is amusing or appropriate is not always on target he lacks the ability to 'read' a situation.

 

My nephew is also very literal. So if the requirement said help, he would help not do. If the requirement said go, but not how long to say for, once he arrived he would think he had completed the requirement. You need to carefully and fully explain exactly what you want him to do.

 

I can also see my brother not saying it is right doing some of the parental things ie taking him to a motel. He doesn't do it to be obnoxious but because he is often overwhelmed with fear for his child. Sadly, this often makes things worse but I can't condemn him because I do not live with his issues 24/7.

 

Some of the things you mentioned reminded of my nephew so I thought I would ask. Sometimes these issues can be hard to spot if a parent is not honest and upfront. Just a thought....

 

[SeattlePioneer]

Hello dew,

 

 

Your assessment makes sense as speculation. But a shouldn't make such assessments and burden a Scout with them.

 

If the boy has an AS disgnosis, the parent should inform the Scoutmaster and any special requirements the boy may need.

 

There was a diagnosed AS Scout in a troop I worked with a few years ago. He had qualities similar to the boy described, just as you say. As a Life Scout going on Eagle, he was repeatedly bitter that the Troop didn;t stay in hotels rather than camping, for example.

 

He led me to conclude I was probably an AS kid myself --- though never diagnosed as such since I'm 61.

 

At least for me, the key to getting through life has not been to indulge my preferences and inclinations, but to challenge them and develop habit that ran counter to those inclinations.

 

I don't know what kind of therapy AS kids need, but I wonder to what extent such inclinations are to be indulged rather than challenged as I describe?

[Basementdweller]

It is possible he may have AS. But if he does it is not on any medical form and the leadership is unaware of it.

 

 

I did my bit. Spoke with the SM and COR last night about what is/was going on and what I witnessed first hand and what was written in his book. I spoke of my concern about his behavior on outings and about pending summer camp. I discussed my doubt about his fulfilling the rank advancement requirements for tenderfoot and his pending second class.

 

 

I am dropping it because it is none of my business.

[dewASM]

Hey SeattlePioneer

 

I wasn't trying to diagnose this Scout. Nor was I advocating indulging this Scout or my nephew in fact, my sister-in-law and I have had some heated discussions about the line between helping and overprotecting. And I also recognize that the responsibility lies with the parent to clue in leadership, but many parents, including my brother, have struggled mightily with admitting his son is not perfect. Though I frequently remind him that no child is perfect, some imperfections are just more noticeable than others.

 

When I read this thread, I could picture my nephew's smiling face in some of these scenarios. He wouldn't recognize the chaos he was creating. So I wanted to mention the possibility that there was more going on than one might think. To perhaps provide another way to view this behavior.

 

And in reality, maybe these people are just jerks. But maybe....

[dewASM]

This line:

 

"Yes he and dad camped with us....both memorable including the boy melting down when we threw him and his steak out of the patrol dining area. " ....

 

is one that particularly made me think of my nephew. A true 'punk' would have reveled in being thrown out. They would have worn it as a badge of honor. They would never let you see them care.

 

The 'melting down' is more indicative of a child who does care, who is surprised by the reaction...

 

Again, I have never met these people, but something in this narrative strikes a chord with me.

[Scoutfish]

 

 

Nah, I believe it is as an SAdult in the troop.

 

I think you saw something that wasn't right, and mentioned it and also brought it to the attention of those who should handle it ( although I think you did just fine yourself).

 

 

Is it your buisness? Yep!

 

Just as long as you don't make it your only buisness..which seems to not be the case here.

 

A scout salute to you!

[qwazse]

Yep, your troop can block advancement on so many levels until the boy shapes up. Nuff said.

Mom's family Eagles?

Ask her to call Uncle or Grampa and see if they'll come camp with the boy.

[evmori]

The 'melting down' is more indicative of a child who does care, who is surprised by the reaction...

 

Nah. The meltdown is his way of getting his way. He's not surprised!

 

It does seem the unit let this behavior continue. That said, now is the time to nip it in the bud or it will spread and then it will be almost impossible to rein in.

[Twocubdad]

Hey BD -- what Scoutfish said.

 

Hang in there. Don't forget the other boys in the troop.