Docile scouts....

[BulldogBlitz]

...and headstrong parents.

 

I'm a leader in a Troop, not in a position that has direct work with the scouts. I am also a merit badge counselor (which does have that direct work). We've got a few parents who we like to refer to as "still in cub mode" - they do all the communicating for their scouts. When the scouts are polled for their opinions... it is usually the parent who speaks up. When the offer of a merit badge is out there, it is the parent who speaks up. This is where I come in to this. I am going to counsel two scouts (unrelated to those parents) on a merit badge. The scoutmaster asked that I "make it known" to the rest of the scouts. I did. After the meeting, no scout approached me; however, the next morning I had three emails from parents requesting that their son be in this merit badge session.

 

I don't have the tact to tell these parents their sons were not interested - and it isn't their place to volunteer their sons for these things - and i really don't have the patience to counsel those that have no interest.

 

Maybe my question is: How do you break a parent of cub mode?

 

or

 

Do you welcome a scout who is just being pushed into things by their parents? (their sons like boy scouts, just not this particular merit badge offering)

[CalicoPenn]

So you don't have the tact? Yet you have the perfect response:

 

"tell these parents their sons were not interested - and it isn't their place to volunteer their sons for these things - and i really don't have the patience to counsel those that have no interest."

 

So I'm thinking you take another route.

 

You were nice enough to do as the Scoutmaster asked - made it known you would be counseling a merit badge for any interested Scout (though you have every right to say "No" to such a request, making the announcement showed the spirit of the Scout Law). Now it's time for the Scoutmaster to return the favor so-to-speak. Ask him/her to help you convey your message to the parents in a way that helps break the parents of Cub Scout mode.

 

[Eagle92]

In my expereince, 'Cub Mode" parents are best handled by the CC and SM. Now leaders, esp CS leaders in the know, can play a part in rehabing these parents, but IMHO it is really the CC and SM job.

 

I say leaders can play a role in that #1 they can remind parents that their son needs to contact them and make arrangements as that is part of the scouting program.

 

I say CS leaders in the know can play a part in that they should start talkign about the differences in BS ASAP. I know I have talked to my now Wolf parents about the differences. Webelos leaders probably haev the biggest role of all CS leaders in that its part of their job to prepare cubs for Scouts. I woudl add prep the parent stoo.

[SMT224]

On the other hand...

 

Sometimes teen age boys appear not to be interested in anything. It's just part of the sullenness that goes with that age. If asked, and they were really being honest, they'd like nothing better than to play the X-Box 360 or PS3 24/7 and forget about absolutely everything else. So these Scouts may be just normal teenagers and act bored about everything, but will get into the merit badge when then get to the class. Or, they may be seriously uninterested in the subject matter.

 

If you are teaching an Eagle merit badge, I'd let them come to the class anyway. If they're truly tortured, then let them go later and they can deal with the consequences. But it may turn out that they get something out of it. I'm always astounded to discover that those very bored looking teens were actually listening to me and were actually interested and remember what I said long after.

 

[Twocubdad]

You deal with the boys, not the parents (but if the parents are in ear shot, it's a good thing).

 

You have no control over what goes on at home, for example, if the parent is pushing the Scout to take the merit badge. But when the mom calls to tell you her son "wants" to take the merit badge, you explain that HE needs to register for it at the next meeting.

 

Example: held a recent Scoutmaster conference with a boy who was using Den Chief for his POR credit. Frankly, I had my concerns about the job he had done. I asked the Scout to please contact the den leader and ask the den leader to send me a note vouching for the job the den chief had done. Letter, email, phone call, smoke signals, I didn't care, I just wanted some input from the den leader.

 

A couple days later I got an email from the boy's dad with a string of emails between the dad and the den leader. The dad had contacted the DL, the DL responded to the dad and the dad forward the emails to me. Next troop meeting the Scout asked me if I had received the email and if I would sign off on the requirement. I reminded him I had asked HIM to contact the DL, not his father. When he did that I would be happy to approve the POR. Next day a got another string of emails initiated by the Scout. (And I sent an apology to the DL for making him do double the work, but he understood and appreciated the point I was making.)

 

Were this a similar situation with a brand-new Scout, I would have likely been a little easier on him.

 

You're not likely to change the parents. Shoot, I can't get my wife to quit making my 17-year-old put a coat on when he doesn't want to. But when the boy goes home and says, "but mom, it's MY JOB to .... (fill in the blank)" then you're making progress.

[Lisabob]

I have had parents contact me to sign up their sons, particularly for a couple of Eagle-required badges that I have counseled. My answer is always "have your son talk to me and I'll be happy to make arrangements with him." Some of them understand this better than others, and it would be more convenient to have me and the parent compare our calendars (because most of the time the kids are not aware of what's on the family calendar) but I just will NOT schedule meetings via the parent.

 

You don't need to have a lot of tact - goodness knows, I've been accused of being tact-deficient! You just need to be clear about how and with whom you will set up merit badge sessions, and then stick to it.

 

 

 

 

[BulldogBlitz]

good responses... thanks to all..

 

twocubdad you really got me the A-ha! bit i knew someone would have.

[Crew21_Adv]

BulldogBlitz and Fellow Scouters,

 

Greetings!

 

 

You've already received some excellent comments. I like SMT224 comment, something like allowing them to attend, and if they drop the MB that is on them.

 

Regarding emails. I know many parents that don't allow their 11 y/o son to have an email address. It makes it difficult communicating between a Scout and a MB counselor, SM or ASM.

 

For a brief sidebar note. It is really difficult with the OA Chapter, when there are 1-2 youth email address on the Chapter roster; and you see many father's professional work email addresses for the youth Ordeal candidates. Knowing that after Ordeal weekend is done, most fathers are going to auto delete any OA related emails w/o telling their son.

 

Now back to Docile Scouts. My thoughts about "How do you break a parent of cub mode?"

 

From my experience; there is a slight difference between docile Scouts that are not interested, and Scouts that have short term memory. Heck, I have the attention (Squirrel!) span of a Tiger Cub.

 

I would expect you have a combination of both short attention span Scouts(whom may be interested) and helicopter parents.

 

A MB counseling session should not begin until a Scout has applied for a blue card MB Application/Record from the Scoutmaster. The Scout should carry the MB Application/Record to the MB counselor. This should suffice as a Scout being interested.

 

I would either email the troop or announce during a troop meeting, something like this. "I have not had any Scouts approach me or email me about this Merit Badge. I have had three parents contact me, but still I have no Scouts. I will not counseling any Scouts until the Scout has contacted me or the Scout has given me a blue card MB Application."

 

Good Luck!

 

Scouting Forever and Venture On!

Crew21_Adv

[jhankins]

What works for me?

 

"Thanks for your email. Have your son make sure he follows the procedures to get his blue card and read the book, then have him give me a call."

 

The parents usually throw a fit, but when they find out it's a BOY LED program, they usually back off.

[moosetracker]

JHankins --- NOT the dreaded "read the book" !

 

Everyone else slacks off on the book reading. We started in a troop that required the scout to read the book first. So our son, continued to read the books even after we left the troop, and all the other scouts around him got signed off without reading the book.

[evmori]

How do you break parents out of the Cub mode?

 

Tell them it is up to their son to be the initiator not the parents and unless their son asks, nothing will be done. And stick to it.

[Twocubdad]

We start during the Webelos visits and explain to the parents exactly what we're trying to do and why. We're trying to teach the boys to be responsible and self-reliant. We do that by making them resonsible for their own participation in the troop -- like managing their own sign-up, cooking their own meals and packing their own gear -- and allowing them to live with the consequences.

 

Most parents will respond with "Oh, Thank God!" Of course that is only until it incoveniences them. But if you've laid the foundation, you only have to remind them of the ultimate goal.

 

[Mrw1]

As Advancement Chair for our troop, I am the one with the current counselor listing that the boys need to talk to when they want a counselor name.

 

For the newer scouts, often the parent comes to me asking for the contact information. I tell them that for the first time around, I will give them the name, but stress that the BOY needs to contact the counselor. And that the next time, their son needs to ask me for the contact information he needs.

 

They can call, email or speak to me at a meeting in person, so whatever way they are most comfortable is fine.

 

For pushy parents, I explain the purpose of the counselor program in helping their scouts learn to interact with other people as well as be introduced to new skills. Most of them get it pretty quickly.

 

For the original post, I would tell the parents to have their son contact me to be added to the list of boys working on the badge.