Helicopter Parents and Advancement

[Buffalo Skipper]

I have worked hard in our troop to foster a scout-initiated advancement. I expect the scout to initiate requests for Scoutmaster conferences and MB blue cards for counselors. I have made this very clear to the scouts and to the parents.

 

However, one scout's parents just don't seem to get it. I got an email from the father last night requesting a SMC and MB cards for his son. He said: "I know you expect the boys to communicate with you directly, but that isn't possible right now...."

 

I know these parents can be overbearing. I knew that when they trasferred from another troop (part of the reason they left). But I really don't know how to handle this right now. Any ideas?

[83_Eagle_T148]

Why isn't it possible for the boy to communicate with you directly - that's where I would start. Barring any unforseen answer, I would explain what the program is about and how making the young man take responsibility for his own advancement fits into the program.

 

Should the parents still disagree, I would let them know I respect thier postion, but that is how you run the program, and do so for the boy's own good. I would then inform the parents of how to contact the Tropp Committee with any further concerns, and move on.

 

What you're doing is the right thing, don't let the parents bully you on this.

[nldscout]

the easy answer is email the dad back and say you will gladly work with the scout once he finds the time to communicate with you.

 

Send it to him, then wait for the boy to come forward.

[kbandit]

I would polietly reply to dad/mom that when it's possible have little Johnny contact who he needs to contact and consider it handled. Keep replying that way and sooner or later (hope it's sooner) they will get the message that little Johnny needs to do the requesting.

[evmori]

nldscout is right on the money! Let dad know as soon as it is possible for junior to ask, you will be more than willing to be of any assistance you can!

[BrentAllen]

Buffalo,

I've only had to use this line once, and it worked.

 

"This isn't the Mom or Dad Scouts, this is the Boy Scouts."

 

I'd add to that, "I look forward to talking to your son when it is possible."

[OldGreyEagle]

I think you guys are being a little harsh, my first instinct would to be to inquire about the lad's health since there must be some malady present that precludes the youth's ability to communicate.

[Mafaking]

 

Call me a cynic but these parents will be better at this game than you will be. At least the parents I have had seem to look for clever ways to get around and skirt well intentioned policies at every chance.

 

Across the board firm policies and rules that are enforced are all that these people will understand. Do not waver on this by accepting emails from parents.

 

In person requests or phone calls can be all that are accepted. If the scouts shows up on a troop night and wants a conference or a MB counselor session that he thought is dad arranged, "I am sorry I require a phone call like the one we discussed at the last troop meeting."

 

 

 

Parents used to hand me MB's not any more.

 

 

[CA_Scouter]

hmmm... delete the email?

 

 

[Buffalo Skipper]

The reason the scout was not available was that he was in the car with his mother, going to a relative's house. Both parents left town the next morning for Woodbadge. It wasn't that he couldn't call, it's that it wasn't convenient.

 

The fact is that the scout called me while he was in the car (I believe either just before or after his father's email, which I did not read until the next morning). He said he wanted to take a particular MB with a particular counselor and he needed a SMC and BOR by Monday. I advised him I would look into a counselor for his MB and would gladly meet with him for a BOR (which conveniently is when we have a PLC for which I will be early), but that after the SMC, it is his responsibility to contact the Advancement chair to arrange a BOR (as is our troop procedure). He and I will also spend the day together Saturday (tomorrow) at a district function, so there was no question about having an opportunity to ask me in advance.

 

I have spoken to his parents about this at length in the past. They have repeatedly tried to get him involved with merit badge clinics, like the one at the national scout musuem, about which I could find no information. They wanted to take a bunch of scouts from the troop to Texas so they could work on MBs at some function. I was reluctant to give an answer, as I knew nothing about his program. I did some research and found out little, and they did not offer me any more information. Likewise, the scout never came to me to talk about this, so I dropped it. But it was mentioned by his mother last week with a remark about "How do I expect scouts to earn MBs if the troop doesn't organize classes."

 

Last summer, while registerd with another troop, he earned 11 MBs while at summer camp (yes, in one week), and both parents attended camp with his troop. One scout from that troop earned 5 MBs and the rest earned less. Interstingly, the scout (who is almost 13) has great skills and is an up-and-coming leader in the troop. I have no complaints about his advencement, only his parents' drive in interacting with me.

[NJCubScouter]

Unless I am missing something, it sounds to me like the Scout is doing, if not everything he should be doing, when he should be doing it, then almost. He is 12 years old. As you say, if there is a problem, it is his parents -- who, if I read you correctly, are BOTH going to Woodbadge, meaning they have presumably both already devoted a lot of time to the Scouting program and are committing themselves to volunteer more time and energy. (I say volunteer, because I assume you would have mentioned if one or both were Scouting professionals.) The way you want to do things seems reasonable, and you are probably going to have to keep reminding these parents of that, but it seems to me this should be a minor annoyance.