Motivating Scouts

[Novice_Cubmaster]

I can see the future...

 

Short Term:

"No drivers license or cell phone until you get your eagle."

 

Son gets eagle. Son gets drivers license. Son gets cell phone.

Son quits scouts forever.

 

Twenty or so years later, when the reluctant scout is now a Dad himself:

"Dad, can I join scouts?"

"No, son. Scouting's not any fun."

 

NC

[Bob White]

lizard62

 

There is no need to have a college education or to be a Scoutmaster to understand or support the methods of scouting and to motivate scout aged youth.

 

You only need to accept a few fundamental concepts.

1)Youth like adventure and will do whatever they need to do in order to attain adventure.

 

2) Advancement is not a goal it is a measure of learning and a recognition of skill and accomplishments.

 

3) Youth respond better to positive reinforcement than to consequences.

 

4) Teenagers rarely want to do what parents want them to even when is is for their own benefit.

 

So how can you make those concepts work to your advantage? My counsel would be to stop pushing advancement and instead recognize and reward positive characteristics that your son displays that are related to the skills and values of scouting.

 

What is more important to you? That your son has an Eagle patch, or that your son grows into a man of good character who makes ethical decisions.

 

What do you think is more important to your son? That he earns the Eagle patch or that he feels that you love and respect him?

 

How a parent chooses to motivate their son should be based on the answers to those questions.

 

 

 

 

 

[eagle77]

As a scoutmaster I have found at times boys in this position can be worse then any other. These scouts don't want to be there but are forced to be there. Since they are uncomfortable they have no problem making the time uncomfortable for others. There has to be a need or desire inside the scout that says this is something that I want and I will do what it takes to get it. I have sent some of these boys home. their disruption takes too much away from the scouts who really want to be there and enjoy what they are doing. As a scoutmaster I need to sit and talk with the boy and ask why are you here? Most young scouts reply because mom and or dad want me here. After a couple of years I want them to say because I enjoy being here and doing things with others and the troop. If you still here the because mom and or dad want me here chances are there will be problems.

[lilizard62]

Another issue I have with letting my kid quit scouting is.

The quitting part.

Pushing him to finish this huge task of becoming an Eagle is important because of the feeling of accomplishment he will experience.

If I back off and let him quit entirely, I think that the consequences will be more damaging than my "nagging".

Scout quits Scouting

Scout thinks it is okay to quit school.

 

[lilizard62]

Oh yeah.

Scout goes thru High School with no Cell Phone and no Driver's Lic.

[asm 411]

Why nag when nag when you can encourage?

Why control when you could enable?

 

The first thing to do is ask the question "Do you want to be an Eagle Scout?"

If your son is already tired of you getting on his back about it have someone the Scout respects ask that question. Typically the answer is "Yes".

 

From there ask them what they need to earn the rank. If they say "I don't know." Ask them how they can find out (hint he should talk to the troop advancement chair). Once he knows, help him make a plan. Then ask him what you can do to help like drive him places.

 

In the long run a earning Eagle Scout can and should be a family bonding experience. Why make a source of family turmoil and frustration?

 

[SMT224]

My kids are into Scouting, so I am lucky in that they are self motivated and like doing Troop activities and advancing in rank. My oldest needed some help to stay on task during his Eagle project, but was very motivated to get Eagle.

 

Most of the Scouts in our Troop have days that they don't want to come to a meeting (let alone do anything but sleep and eat and mess around), and are told by their parents that they are going anyway. This is normal. Most of the time they like Scout activities, seeing their friends, and especially going camping. Some advance faster than others, some are working specifically toward Eagle, others just like camping and advance slowly. We tell them that we will provide as many opportunities to advance as we can at meetings and on camping trips, but it is up to them to actually do the advancement and then bring their book to a leader for a signature. I have regular Scoutmaster conferences with all the Scouts, and talk to those who are advancing very slowly about upcoming opportunities, but I leave it up to them as to whether they will actually do the advancement or not. They will be equally welcome as a Tenderfoot or as an Eagle on the vast majority of Troop activities.

 

However, as Scoutmaster, the worst behavioral problems I have had in the Troop are those Scouts who do not want to be there, but are forced to attend and advance by their parents. When I have a Scout who is disruptive and tells me he hates Scouts, but has to attend (or else), I sit down with him and his parents and request that they find another activity for their son. This can really break the heart of some parents that were Scouts themselves and really had hoped their son would make Eagle. Other parents have a problem child and somehow hope we will instill character. These kids can often be very disruptive and usually last only a few meetings. Kids who do not want to be in Scouts cost the Troop more than their parents understand by disrupting activities, requiring far more than their fair share of attention from adult leaders, and are often bullies to the Scouts who really want to be there. Or at the very least, unhappy Scouts should take a 3 to 6 month break. Often they want to come back and are much betters Scouts!

 

** lizard62 - If your son likes Scouting activities and enjoys going to meetings and on camping trips, great! Let him enjoy what he can in Scouting and while you can work with him on advancement, shoving it down his throat will not help him. Let him advance at his own pace, but let him know you support him on his trail to Eagle. On the other hand, if he really hates going to meeting and other Scout activities, please find another activity for him! He will be happier, and believe me, so will the Troop leaders and other Scouts.

[Lisabob]

There's different facets to quitting. There's quitting part-way through an activity that has been paid for and is not insignificant in terms of cost. If I were the one paying, I wouldn't accept that under most circumstances. I have told my child he can quit at year-end or season's end, but not in the middle of an activity. There's quitting when others are truly reliant upon you not to quit. I wouldn't be supportive of that under most circumstances either. There's quitting everything and withdrawing from the world. Not a good thing and often a sign that the individual needs expert help coping with something.

 

Then there's quitting because it isn't something your heart is in, and there's something else you'd prefer to do but can't because time spent in scouting prevents you from pursuing your other activity. There's quitting because you're stretched too thin and therefore not able to give your best to things you care more deeply about. There's quitting to take up a new hobby or interest. There's quitting because you've done the same activities for a long time now and just want or need a breather. There's quitting because the program is so poorly run that it is nothing but a waste of time (though in scouts, it would be nice to channel boys toward a better troop if that's the situation). Those things aren't necessarily awful reasons to quit something.

 

As for setting precedent, regardless of whether he's in or out of scouting, I think as a parent it is just fine to tell your kid that you won't stand by while he quits High School! But forcing a kid to stay in scouts when he truly does not want to, isn't necessarily going to teach him perseverance in other areas of his life. In fact, it might simply postpone the experience of not finishing something, until it really matters. I'm thinking, for example, about the many college students I know who fade away about 3/4 of the way through a semester, or who do not finish their degrees. They spend thousands of somebody's dollars and wander aimlessly with poor grades for a few years, before ultimately dropping out. Some of those kids probably would have benefited from experiencing whatever small or large regrets come with not sticking with scouting to earn Eagle when they were really close and could have done so with just a bit more effort.

 

But three thoughts specifically about Eagle rank:

1) Some of the people I respect most are former scouts who did not make Eagle, yet they embody the character and confidence that scouting is all about, and

2) While you might be able to force your child into remaining in scouting, you cannot force him to earn Eagle. Ultimately he has to complete the requirements, not you, and

3) Although you could push him as you describe using bribes, begging, etc, at the end of the day what he may have is an Eagle award that he, himself, does not particularly value. In that case it is an empty symbol and it won't have taught him much, except perhaps resentment.

 

Scouting is a great program and I don't like to see people quit. Teenage boys also don't always know what's best for them despite their assumptions to the contrary. But you know, there are other youth programs and other activities out there that also have similar character-building focus. Maybe there's another activity that would be more suitable for your teen at this time in his life.

[susanc918]

I have a Boy Scout who is working on his Eagle. It has been frustrating at times like you are talking to a brick wall. My son is now a senior working on his Eagle. I really didn't want him to do it this late but sometimes they are not ready. You can try to get other leaders to talk to your son. Sometimes its eaiser if its not coming from a parent. Some boys are not leaders and may not want to get their Eagle. Scouting is a great program and should be a fun & rewarding for the Scout as it is for the parent. I know you may be disappointed that he doesn't make Eagle but that is his choice. Does you son want to go to college? If he has his mind set on it then being able to put down that he is an Eagle Scout should motivate him to do it. What hobbies does he like? Instead of nagging him help him find a project thats right for him. Don't tell him how to do the project because that his job. You can assist by helping him find one he would like to do. Try and find one that's not a lot of work. Contact your city, schools or churchs. My son finally found a project that won't take a long time to do. He should be able to finish in a weekend. Meanwhile, I am proud of him whatever he does. I hope this helps.