scoutmom86

I’m actually pretty sure she just doesn’t like him specifically. I’m pretty sure this was never brought to the board. It’s just her. And that’s fine. She doesn’t know of my fathers history, nor does she really know my son’s father’s history. Nor has she ever asked. Im also proud to say that my guy has continued to make good choices. And has been a wonderful parent to my children. Especially in absence of their dad. Going on 16 months since he’s been in contact. And my son is getting close to the end of his Cub Scout experience. It’s what he and I do together separate from his siblings. And we enjoy our time spent without the little ones. So it worked out anyways. On to Boy Scouts, where none of this will be relevant anyhow...

It didn’t bother me so much that they didn’t want him to be interacting with other children. It bothered me that he was singled out because of small town gossip. I am only aware of one other person who was singled out this way and it is because he was a convicted sex offender wishing to be his son’s den leader. He was denied by big counsil. It is over and done at this point. Our lives did move at an incredibly fast pace, but at almost 32, I’ve been through my fair share of ups and downs. And I can understand why others were set off by his appearance, once again, because he doesnt have the best reputation. But people change. And I think he deserved that much at least. I just think there had to have been a better way to approach this situation. Instead of gossip about it with the other soccer mom perfect parents at a committee meeting, maybe they could’ve welcomed him and been more friendly. Given him a pamphlet on safety. Idk, I’m just throwing out ideas. But kick someone down when they’re trying to be better and make a difference to a boy who hasn’t seen his own father in almost a year seems pretty crappy to me. I’m also proud to say he’s still sober, and has become a strong foundation for our family, and all five of our children. He’s in every stadium, every event, every practice sideline as he possibly can when he’s home after working up to 28 days at sea at a time. You said it perfectly when you said you have no idea about our area or my situation. There’s more to it than speculation, which is my point exactly. It will be okay, and we won’t think about this down the road. But every time I have to look at these people, I think about how they all sit around and talk about other people’s downfalls. To have been a fly on the wall in that committee meeting... doesn’t feel so much like family anymore, like it used to be. My boy is at a show and sell now, working his tail off for his last year as a cub.

I guess that would be the same as going over a supervisors head at work. Makes for awkward situations afterwards. Not that that I want to attempt, just asking out of curiosity.

Can the CM do whatever he or she wants t? It’s a chartered organization. She doesn’t own it. There is a committee. And a company that sponsors the Pack. With that being said, in any instance of any ingrievance anyone has, does she truly have the authority to make decisions that affect the Pack on her own without committee approval?

I honestly just wanted to know if the Pack, or the cub master, had the authority to say what was said. My mind began to race and wonder why this was an issue, if it had been discussed at a committee meeting, or if it was just her own personal issue with him, specifically. As I said previously, I had never heard of this being an issue with anyone else in the Pack, aside from the sex offender issue. When I first began to date him, she made a comment about his character in a private conversation, which led me to believe she had a personal problem with him. You must also understand the small town mentality of the community I live in, where every rumor is true. It is also very awkward when we attend Pack events. So I know that this was mentioned in a public forum with other parents. Which is fine. It is what it is... he is not my son’s father. Understood. The cubmaster made too many presumptions, and could’ve asked, instead of making her own judgment, creating tension for me. I didn’t do anything wrong or that warranted what was said. Nor did I ever have intentions of leaving him alone at an event with his “nonchildren”. Al that to say, I really just wanted to know if the cubmaster had the authority. And apparently she does. Rules are rules.

BSA would probably agree with you. They think everyone should be scrutinized like a convicted felon on probation. So long as we only scrutinize one person in particular who we know because your friend is a gossip? Not all the other people participating as felons, as you all have said that it didn’t matter if it was blood related or not.

Except he was singled out in my Pack. In 4 years on the committee, never have I ever had anyone ask about anyone else’s criminal history unless they applied for leadership. One was a sex offender and it was brought before the board.

After being accused of stealing from his job, he was arrested and searched and had a small amount of drugs on him. Once arrested and transported, the place of employment found whatever they accused him of stealing and the charges were dropped, AFTER the newspaper had already been printed. So yes, wrong, drugs are bad. Yes he had a long time drug problem, but he has come a long way since. Yes he isn’t a blood relative. That I understand also. Makes sense for people to be weary. However, the only reason the CM knew is because she knows family of his ex wife. Other than that, he would just be some nobody that follows me around at scout meetings. i applaud those of you who have never made a single mistake in your entire lives. That’s wonderful. Others have seen drinking and drugs our whole lives. Some get out sane and never scaved by the horrors of drug abuse, others sit next to our parents while they it pass around. it is entirely judgmental of anyone to shun someone who was trying to step in for a child who hasn’t had a decent father in his life at 10 years old. My kid is awkward. He has a hard time making friends at scouts. He has ADHD and a touch of autistic tendencies. And after 3 days of hard work on his regatta with this strange but great attention, he was psyched to show it off. Its alright though. You’ve all made a point. This is about the children. Their safety is of upmost importance. He still had a good time. i still think that what’s good for one is good for all! If he will have to be supervised EVEN when hos son is a scout, then all parents should be vetted and supervised for infractions!

So you’ve never done anything wrong in your entire life? Never lied, never got a speeding ticket? You’re perfect right? Ive had far more “upstanding citizens” treat me with less respect than multiple felons! Not everyone who has had a run in with the law is a terrible person. lets also not forget “God Country Family”. It’s not very Christian like to judge people based on a past that they’ve left behind for a better life. All we wanted to to was attend the days activities as a family and leave at lights out. We didn’t want to set up a meth lab in our tent. Geezzz....

CM didn’t say it was because he was a non family member, she said it was because of his history.

They know of him, and they know what people say about him. I didn’t know him then, so I can’t vouch for that. And they didn’t know him then either. I really do understand caution and protection of the little ones. Reading through this whole conversation makes it seem like I’m defending him for what he has done like what he did was okay. It wasn’t. i just never realized how much it affected everyone around. I never intended to leave him alone at an overnight event, so I guess I just took it too personally in the moment.

SSScout, I appreciate your thoughts on this. I do believe that trust has to be re-earned. Especially in small towns where they make mountains of molehills. (And thanks for the manfriend, because “boyfriend” is not a word I use in reference to him). Some folks actually do live and learn, and walk the right paths. Although I doubt he will ever dare to make an appearance at another event after this, we will venture on, my son and I. One more year for his Arrow of Light, and we are off to bigger and better things. My guy is much more helpful at home with the girls (both his and my 2 years old). The 3 boys (my scout, his and my younger son) and I had a blast for the day events and came home to sleep in our own beds. If he ever does decide to venture out with us, we will make sure to do things to the book. As for the “tolerance” of the pack, they’re going to have to swallow it all next year when his actual son is a Lion Cub. They’ll have to do more than “tolerate” his attendance.

Never told anyone about it. Never even really thought about telling anyone about it since it was that insignificant. He didn’t murder anyone or hurt any children. It’s simple possession. CM knew because it’s a small town where everyone knows everyone and they all like to gossip! Especially the soccer Mom type of people who are the committee members of this pack.

He’s not spending the night though, is the point in case. I didn’t ask the Cub Master anything. We were simply taking about the events of the day. Matter of fact, I never disclosed anything about him to anyone in the Pack! It is public record. Anyone can see it or research his or anyone else’s criminal history. As I said before, I’d be willing to bed MANY parents and guests have criminal records. And no one else has been pointed out or excluded.(As I said, even the sex offender attends.) I’ve never heard of anyone in any other organization single out or exclude people who willingly wanting to participate. And might I add, as step parents! This hasn’t been some casual experience with some random stranger. He has been around for over 9 months. And as I also said before, it was never addressed before now. I know for a fact the Cub Master knee then too. He attended Blue and Gold Banquet & Thanksgiving Feast. It really is fine. I highly doubt he will attend any functions anymore, since he knows how everyone there feels about the situation. I mean, who wants to be somewhere where you know everyone things you’re a danger to the children? I really wasn’t aware that this was such a huge issue. And I didn’t know if it was policy or just a decision made by the committee, or if she just made it up since she doesn’t really like him, as she has made that clear to me before on a personal level. Thank you all for your clarity on the subject. Goodnight!

I don't think she is out to get me either. And I understand protecting the children. He has no desire to take leadership. I also understand that not everyone has the greatest judgement, and I totally understand that it totally makes my life choices look pathetic. But the circumstances are not as they appear, and they surely aren't as they were portrayed in the newspaper. Maybe I'm downplaying it in my own mind for my own sanity, but it doesn't seem like such a big deal to me. I just think that lots of people that participate in scout functions that aren't in any kind of leadership, but participate and attend have skeletons in their own closets. The only difference is that their skeletons weren't publicly exposed. And I think that if one person's shortcomings are going to be exposed, then all attendees should be exposed. It's a small town, and I'd be willing to bet the pack would downsize quite a bit.