ChristianDad

Thanks. I have asked the following in person and in writing: "Things I don't know that would help. Are there bylaws that would make it clear? Does he have them? Did he take an oath and if so, what does it say?" This was after the SM made an issue of it. I wanted to know what commitments my son had actually made, and whether he was in fact being untrustworthy. The SM didn't answer the e-mail: He said we should meet in person. He didn't answer in person either. The SM says the issue for him is the message it sends to future SPL's.

I've tried to give you the full story the best I can. My intention in posting here was more to help me understand if the SM's request would be considered normal in the Scouting world. Because I told him (calmly) that I "strongly disagreed." But thinking about it, I wanted to make sure I wasn't opposing some obvious Scouting ethos I was missing. I spoke with the SM for one full hour with my son and wife there. I asked the SM to tell me if there were any other problems I'm not aware of. The answer was no. His only indication was that my son does allow some of the "stronger" willed boys to dominate a meeting too much. But he said it wouldn't be anything that he would ask for resignation. I'll say my wife and I still respect him as a SM. He does so much work for the troop. The conversation was cordial and calm. But I'm still somewhat floored by it. The event is a boat regatta and camping out. Context: the troop camps out a lot and the only absence may son experienced this year was because he was working as a counselor at the Boy Scout camp. He did so for 5 weeks, which the Boy Scouts asked him to do last minute.

Thank you for the responses so far. I am very appreciative. I'll try to clarify the best I can in response to a couple of the comments. I've considered my son wants to attend this retreat because of his parents' prompting. I would prefer he attend the retreat for the reasons stated above and my wife feels so even more strongly. Her biggest fear about dying is how me and her 7 children will do afterwards. (Side note: my wife grew up in and loves the Boy Scouts -- her father was a Boy Scout professional during her whole childhood). I've told my son as strongly as I can, and in the presence of the SM, that it is my son's decision and please don't do this because it's what his parents' want. Yes, the SM knows of my wife's condition. My son had to miss one meeting earlier this year with rather last-minute notice when my wife had to go to the hospital and there simply wasn't transportation to get my son there. Everyone was very understanding. He personally called me at the time to offer any assistance he could. I think the issue here is that it isn't directly related to her illness and it isn't technically "obligatory" in our faith. I don't think the SM is actively involved in his church, and I can't seem to make him understand how we view opportunities for spiritual growth. If this were some youth group that simply ate pizza and played flag football, I wouldn't encourage my son to do this. But this youth group, while doing all those fun things also, is very God centered and led by some of the holiest people in our diocese. It's a grest opportunity to grow closer to God. I probably also should point out his 13 year brother is on Council in the Troop and has also agreed to help the ASPL during the event.

Hi: I'm a father, not a Scoutmaster. There has been a recent question and I would like opinions as to whether I'm making the right decision/giving my son the right advice. My son has one month left in his role as Senior Patrol Leader. He's in a very active troop that does a ton of events. He also worked as a paid (barely) employee at a Boy Scout summer camp for 5 weeks this summer. The last event of the year is scheduled for 2 weeks from this weekend, and he was scheduled to be the event's leader. Since the time he made that commitment, something else has come up. He has been given the opportunity to take a leadership position in a local parish's youth group. He has been an active participant in this youth group for years. This particular youth group is very spiritual and full of holy leaders that I want my son to have the opportunity to work with. (Sidenote that I somewhat think influences this situation, although not the main issue: we are the one of the few Catholic families in the troop and although very respectful of our beliefs I don't think the SM understands the importance of them; they trump Boy Scouts everytime and although this retreat is not "obligatory," my wife and I see it as very important to our son's spiritual development). The dilemma: the youth group retreat is the same weekends as the Boy Scout event. My wife and I want him to go to the youth group retreat. One of the biggest reasons for this is because my wife has terminal cancer, and I want to ensure my son is as close to the Church as he possibly can be. I know his relationship with God and His Church is what is going to keep him going through and after his mother's illness. My son asked the Assistant Senior Patrol Leader to take over for him at the event. The ASPL has agreed. My son is doing as much of the planning as he can. He has had very good attendance and after a discussion with the SM, the only other deficiencies in his leadership have been normal 15-year old boy learning how to lead type of stuff. E.g. allowing some of the more forceful boys to take over too much, not reigning in some boys cussing at an all-night event, etc. Cutting to the chase, the SM wants my son to resign. He came to our house yesterday and told my son he is violating the Scout code of loyalty and trustworthiness by not keeping his committment to lead this event. My stance is that he is not because he is ensuring that his ASPL is prepared and my other son (younger brother who is a patrol leader) is also stepping up to make sure the event goes smoothly. To date, my son is declining the request to resign and the SM wants to hold an election to determine if my son should be replaced. We've always liked this troop and its SM but I strongly disagree with this decision. I guess I'm here asking. Am I all wrong about this?