scoutmomrn

My intention has never been to "kick" the boy out of our den/pack. I'm sorry if I've given that impression to some of you. I realize it is very difficult to offer constructive advise when not witnessing the boys' or moms' behavior firsthand. It also is not "my den" solely. As I tried to explain, there are 4 leaders (which is a whole other discussion itself)--1 of which is the mom of this child. We are the outsiders of this group, so to speak, so I was looking for some outside opinions before I "jumped" in to anything. Be cautious of what you wish for is a thought that comes to mind. I am a volunteer just like the rest of you and am only looking out for the boys--all of the boys---best interests. My husband has 15+ yrs as a police officer and I have 10 yrs as an ER nurse. We have seen what happens when it's more than just a phase, which is probably why the hairs on our heads are standing up more than usual. I'm not saying that this boy is a "bad seed" or going to do something horrific some day, I am simply expressing some concern to fellow leaders in hopes that someone may have also had similar experiences and could share their "expertise". As far as answering the questions posed by the last reply: He seems to get along well with the other den leaders son (there families have an outside relationship beyond scouting). As far as the other boys, it's more like aquaintences, I guess. They get along for the meetings and then go their separate ways (this boys goes to a different school). Yes, the outbursts do disrupt the meetings--temporarily--but they are ongoing, so the meetings tend to run a little late. We are currently in the process of incorporating a reward system already to try and help the situation. No other parents have expressed concerns that I'm aware of, but we did have a boy come to the opening meeting and never return. The parent did not speak to the den leaders, but went to the CM and was very vocal about her concerns and that she didn't feel it was an environment she wanted to put her son in. We plan on having a private meeting with the CM to see if any concerns have been brought to his attention. Participation? I would have to say minimal to moderate. He has told me that he doesn't like a particular activity that we are doing and I've informed him that this is just one thing and what would he like to do. His answer is always "I want to shoot something". I've explained to him that we will be able to practice BB gun shooting at other scouting events, but.... As I've said, I'm not trying to get rid of this scout. I WANT him to succeed. I have known some scout leaders who favor some scouts over others --whether intentional or not--and it becomes evident to those on the outside looking in. My husband and I have always been praised for just the opposite--concern for all the boys and seeing that all of them progress. So again, I apologize if I've given some the wrong impression, I am just seeking sound information from one volunteer leader to another. Thanks for all the replies.

No, we're not afraid of guns or knives. In fact, my husband has been a police officer for over 15 years. The boys' actions have raised red flags in his mind, so I don't think I'm imagining this. As I tried to explain in the original post, though maybe not effectively, his behavior seems to be above and beyond the "normal". I realize that boys have active imaginations and yes, that killing animals is part of human behavior. Anytime there is an inappropriate comment, there is a teaching discussion to go with it and yes, to the point that it does become disruptive to the rest of the group because we are constantly responding to the outbursts. I tried to high-light a few examples without going into great length about every activity we do or every incident of concern. I appreciate your thoughts and appreciate all points of view. scoutmomrn PS: The boys had a blast with the penguin project and couldn't wait to get started. I'm sorry you're not so fond of the bird.

This is my first post, though I've read several threads from this network. We moved this summer to another state, thus changing packs. The new pack already had Wolf leaders, but were VERY eager for my husband and I to jump in and lead as well (we were the leaders of our sons den the year before). Our concern stems from one boy in the new den that appears to be completely preoccupied with shooting stuff and killing stuff. I'm not just talking about BSA BB gun and archery lessons or even legal hunting. From my first meeting with him, he has vocalized wanting to shoot the windows out of the church we meet at; his answers to questions during our meetings always involve killing something or hurting something; his collection to share with the den was an assortment of knives. His mom (which happens to be one of the original den leaders) just tries to quickly say "no you don't" or something to that affect. The boy dismisses it and continues to make inappropriate statements with no further response from mom. I have tried to discuss with the boy openly in front of the group including mom about the inappropriateness of his comments and the consequences of his actions, but it has been to no avail and mom seems pretty disinterested as well. The "last straw" so to speak was at our den meeting last night. We made penguins out of 2L bottles (part of our Achievement 7 activities. We put them all together and then let the kids decorate them further via paint. All of the boys did something along the lines of bow ties and American flags except this boy, who painted little red dots all over the penguins body and stated "look, I shot him". Again, mom/den leader----nothing. I don't feel threatened at this point by the boy, but I (and my husband) feel very concerned that this is just the beginning and that it certainly has the potential for detrimental affects on the den/pack---if it hasn't already. I have not seen any physical violence thus far, but I don't really want to wait for that before something is done. If it was another parent's son, I would feel like going to them and talking to them would be the best thing, but since it's a den leaders child and she witnesses it first hand and allows it, then I'm kind of past that point. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your help, scoutmomrn