mgaesser

Again, I thank you all for your responses. I'd like to elaborate a bit on my son. First, I've been thinking back to other leader's impressions. While he was in Cub Scouts, I never heard a complaint from a leader about my son. In fact, I was usually complemented on his behavior often in respect to his peers. During his first year of Boy Scouts, there were also no negative comments. In fact, he was one of the most enthusiastic "new boys" who attended every camp out and activity, including summer camp. He was also one of the two (out of 6) new boys who earned the Star rank early. I think that this is why the incident at the Jamboree was so shocking and probably why I kept hoping it would be resolved and things would go back to the way they were before. I also haven't heard complaints from other parents or leaders about my son either before or since that incident. Some of the other boys in the troop have been suspended from school. One has been in trouble with the police. My son has never been suspended or even had a detention at school for aggressive or disrespectful behavior. He is in the gifted program although school has been difficult for him for the last two years due to depression which is why he is in therapy. I really appreciated the comment from the leader who wrote about touching a boy who had been abused by his father and then realizing that different boys need different approaches. My son has been abused by his father (which is another reason for his depression and therapy). However, I spoke to the leaders about this from the day my son started in the troop so that they would be aware. I have also kept them updated about his medication and therapy. As for being in the troop and summer camp, I am struggling with this because I absolutely don't feel that I can send my son with this leader again. It's difficult because my son wants to be in this troop but I am looking into other troops or the possibility of individual scouting. I guess I'm just SO ANGRY that we've been put in this situation. My son's therapist is involved in Scouting and has been very helpful about all this. Hopefully, he will be able to stay with scouting and get to enjoy the benefits which I know scouting can provide. Thanks.

Thanks to all of you who replied. Just wanted to give you an update. I made several phone calls to council to set up an appointment - none of which were returned. Then I wrote a letter which I hand delivered. I received a letter in return stating that they would look into the matter. I heard nothing from anybody in our troop. Last night my son and I went to a meeting about summer camp which my son has attended every year since he started in scouting. This was the first time we had been to a meeting since the incident. Nothing was said at the beginning of the meeting, however, at the end of the meeting the leader asked to speak to me. He told me that when he had told my son to get out at the last meeting, he had meant that my son was out of the troop because he was disrespectful. He said that he would let him come to summer camp but that if my son did ANYTHING out of line, that he would call me and have me come and bring my son home. He said that he would be the sole decision maker about my son's behavior and would be the only one to determine if my son did something wrong. Then he said that he would decide in September if my son would return to the troop. I did not argue. I simply listened since it was obvious that council has not contacted him yet and I didn't want to make a scene. Also, I was feeling a bit threatened by his tone of voice and his approach. Any comments?

to Bob White - you are right that my son has problems. He is in therapy to get help for them. However, what I was told about the incident was that my son was complaining about doing chores (not ok) and said, "This frigging stinks." (also not ok). On the same trip an older scout who later became an Eagle and whose father is an Assistant Scout Leader repeatedly said "F---" and was not even corrected. In fact, a couple of weeks ago, I spoke to a Webelos leader who had brought her Webelos to visit out troop. She reported that some of the boys - not my son were swearing so much that her boys said they were uncomfortable and did not want to join the troop. when she addressed this with our leader, he said there was nothing he could do about it. Anyway, I guess my point is that I was hoping that being in Scouts would provide my son with good role models and help to build his self-esteem. I KNOW he can be difficult. I live with him. But helping a kid overcome problems requires positive reinforcement, not labeling. I called Council today - still waiting for a return call. Thanks

Thanks for the above messages. Sometimes, I've felt like I'm wrong due to the lack of support, although, when I've talked about this issue to friends in other districts they've said that this behavior would not be tolerated in their districts. I am a registered adult and trained and registered as a leader. I plan to take your advise and make that phone call first thing tomorrow - I'll let you know what happens.

My son was at the Jamboree 2 years ago and his Boy Scout leader who is also his leader at his home troop slapped him in the face for swearing. My son's mouth was cut and there was another scout who witnessed the incident. I was contacted by leaders in Virginia about the incident and my son's leader apologized to me. However, the incident was played down by Jamboree leadership and, I think, swept under the rug. I did not pursue it in Virginia because I trusted that it was being dealt with. When my son returned, I learned more about what happened, including a report from the other scout. I requested that our committee discuss the matter and asked to have a meeting with my son and his leader with others present so that the issue could be resolved. I received no support from the other parents and committee members because everybody said that the leader was really a good guy and that my son should just "get over it." I did not want to hurt the leader but I felt that the leader should apologize to MY SON - not just to me and that instead of hiding what happened, it should be talked about and then put in the past. After no response within the troop, I called council. After getting the runaround, I heard second hand that Council said that they felt it was dealt with at the Jamboree and that they weren't going to follow up. At that point, I didn't know what to do. My son wanted to stay in Boy Scouts. He really wants to become an Eagle Scout. I suggested he join a different troop but his friends are in this troop. So - I waited and observed. I have seen a significant change in attitude toward my son. He has been singled out to be disciplined. I've heard the leaders make derogotory comments about him. I was told I was no longer allowed to go on Scout outings. I listened while the leader said he was looking forward to having Shane, Mike, Dan, Ryan and Chris become Eagle Scouts but left out my son's name in his list (these six boys came into the troop together). Naturally, my son has been resentful about this treatment and I know that he can be difficult at times BUT, I think that he is reacting to the way he's being treated. Tonight, I arrived to pick up my son at the end of his meeting to find the leader and my son in the parking lot. The leader was screaming at my son. My son was trying to explain something to him but the leader would not listen. Then my son started to yell back and the leader screamed at him to get out - My son is devastated. He said that he had been telling another boy to stop picking on some younger scouts and the other boy punched him and them hit him in the face with a basketball. My son then pushed him and that's when the leader came and grabbed my son and dragged him out of the building. I need help! Any suggestions? Thanks