ba-dad

After an incident over the weekend which put me over the edge, I have spoken to two other parents, one of whom agreed with me; the other did not think what they had seen was that bad (although they were not present this weekend). I plan to speak to each parent regarding this; everyone has seen at least the yelling and pushup punishments. Ideally, we could reach a concensus and speak to the leaders as a group, or at least with one voice; short of that, I will discuss this with them speaking for myself. Given the situation, I fear it would be potentially awful for my son were I to go to scouting authorities; that would be an absolute last resort. The best I can do in the very short term is alert each boy's parents to my concerns, talk to the leaders gently but firmly about what I feel is excessive and should be changed, and let each set of parents decide what is right for their boy. I do not want my son ostracized in any way because I have alienated two of his classmates' fathers. I will begin attending all meetings; previously, I had attended occasionally, and had attended all outings.

Thanks for the reality check. I completely concur about changing this behavior being well-nigh impossible. Given the personalities involved and other nuances of the situation, it would require more social finesse than I might be able to muster to affect substantial changes without permanently alienating one or both leaders. It is also for this reason that I am reluctant to contact any other authorities. I am in a bind, though, because even though my son has discussed his negative feelings about these attitudes and events, he is eight: I would hate to pull him out of a peer group, since it is tough to be the "odd boy out," even if you know it is best. I think the best thing may be to come up with an exit startegy (e.g., "too many other activities, is it okay to drop scouts for now?"). There is a pack in our town, and I am sure it is much more relaxed; the whole point of doing the other group, though, was that it was made up of classmates (they wear their uniforms to school, for instance). More opinions are most welcome.

My eight-year-old has been an enthusiastic Scout for the last year. He is one of eight boys from the two third grade classes at his school who comprise the troop. I have attended numerous meetings and other activities. I was initially a little surprised by the martial character of the meetings. For example, the slightest whisper out of turn, putting hands in pockets, etc., is punished immediately by twenty or so push-ups. The leader also frequently (and seemingly unnecessarily) shouts to get attention. The reason I say this should not be needed is that these kids all go to a fairly strict private school and are generally well-behaved. This seemed like no big deal, but I am more concerned lately. My son has become defenisve and prone to yelling over the last few months. Another parent mentioned the same thing about her son to me out of the blue (I had not mentioned it to her). I also have witnessed the leader poking kids with his finger while reprimanding them in a loud voice. Personally, I do not yell at my son, but that is a parent's choice. I do not, however, feel it is appropriate for a Scout leader. I have seen one particular child (the son of the other leader) reduced to tears by this sort of thing on at least three occasions; why the boy's father did not intervene is beyond me. I think these guys have the impression that they should be "toughening up" the boys. I think they are way out of line, and are doing things in a manner more suited to boot camp for eighteen-year-olds than eight-year-old Cubs. Thoughts, please?