MattR

Cubmom07, first of all, welcome.
 
Secondly, I hate to say this but the reason these kids (sorry, but I won't use the term scouts) "roll their eyes at me and act like they don't hear me every single time" is because there doesn't seem to be a reason why they should. While positive reinforcement and talking to scouts about how they should act scout like is usually a good thing, there are times when they are just figuring out the boundaries. Not the specified boundaries but the real boundaries. If the worst thing that happens is they get a lecture then maybe that's reasonable.
 
I suspect there is one scout that is leading this, mainly because he doesn't want to be there, and the others are following along because, let's face it, they have power over the adults and power is fun.
 
How to solve: This is echoing Col. Flag and CambridgeSkip, but what would you do if this were your son doing this? And why? There's most of your answer. No, you can't drag a kid off by his ear but you can get him out of there. These kids need rules and consequences for not following the rules. They should be very clear to the boys and their parents. Do not back down. The reason these boys are running amok is because they know the rules don't apply to them. Make sure that you are willing to follow through on whatever rules you come up with. Also, as an unwritten rule, if one of these scouts does what you ask of him then thank him afterwards. Tell him it made everything go better and it sure is fun having him around. The boys need to know that every interaction with an adult is not a bad thing.
 
Good luck.

Why do scout leaders always make assumptions?
 
Just to clear things up, it is not always the leader's kid.
 
blw2, this is your oldest son? who is about12 or 13?
 
If so, you're in for a ride. It might not be your son so much as it's you. Your son is doing what all boys do at that age, they start to split away from mom and dad.
 
This may sound crude, evil, mean, or just plain wrong, but hear me out. I've seen something happen over and over again and scouter fathers can't believe they're doing this. Maybe this is you, only you can answer this. These dads love scouts and want their son to share that love. Without even recognizing it they start pushing. It may be for their son to get Eagle, or be SPL, or be the best scout in the troop. It can be pushing hard or it can be pushing a little. The problem is the son needs to learn how to live on his own more than he needs any of this. Dad's pushing is not letting him grow up. Son pushes back. He probably doesn't even think about. He just does it. Dad wants an Eagle scout, so son starts screwing around. Dad wants Philmont, so son sabotages his gear. Dad wants a model son, so son starts flipping off people. Dad expects his son to get Eagle so son says screw it. I've seen a lot. If dad doesn't recognize this it turns into a power struggle and has nothing to do with reason, especially not what dad thinks is reasonable. It ends either with the boy leaving scouts or dad giving in. I've seen both. I've also seen the boy decide, after dad has backed off, that he does indeed want whatever dad was pushing.
 
I was fortunate with my son. All I wanted was to have some fun with him. If I ever got more than 15 minutes of his time on a campout I felt blessed. We had a ton of fun. We gave each other a lot of grief, we wrestled, and made a lot of good memories. I explicitly told him do not get eagle for me. I didn't care. One good memory was watching him teach the younger scouts at summer camp, where he worked. He had a talent for it. Turns out he didn't know his skills so well when he started and the first day he worked there some other SM let him know. He took that seriously and went and practiced his skills. The point is, I was never the hard ass. I did ask other adults to watch him and they had my permission to correct any bad behavior. But me, I was there to enjoy my time with my son. I never pushed him. When he asked for help I helped him. Maybe I was just lucky.

I see this type of problem all the time. It's the problem. It's not a constant struggle so much as a constant learning process for the scouts. It has less to do with filling out paperwork and more about being prepared. Scouts seem to be notorious for not wanting to think a problem through. At the same time, leadership requires understanding what's coming. A great example is making a menu. They want hot dogs for lunch so that's what they write down. How many? Buns? Mustard? A side? Also, their writing skills are horrible. Writing is about organizing and thinking things through, so, no surprise they struggle with it.
 
Since you have a great SPL (he cares about this problem!) this is what I'd suggest to him. There are a few issues. First, scouts are inherently lazy when they don't see a reason. Second, they likely don't have the skills to work through the problem they have. Third, feedback is important for a leader to get motivated. Success will solve the first issue, so don't worry about it. As for skills, I'd start two weeks out before their meeting and talk to the PL (talk, not text or email, face to face). All you need to do is ask the right kinds of questions. You just want them to think the problem through. Questions with a single word answer are bad, make them talk. What is the plan? Where does this change from normal? Encourage change. It's good and fun. But it needs to be thought through. Once there's a basic plan you can start asking more questions. While you're getting answers start filling in the paperwork for him. Eventually you can get him to do that but for now, give him a hand. He will appreciate your help. It's likely that 2 weeks before he won't have all the answers. Give him some homework. Repeat this a week before. Hopefully you'll have a plan. One thing about plans, though. It's okay if they aren't followed exactly. Things change and that can be good or bad. The important point of a plan is to get the leader prepared. If he knows what he wants and it's likely to work then people will follow him. That is the goal, not the plan.
 
The third issue is feedback and review. A quick review will bring up the things that didn't go right. Something I've just started is once a quarter we do a big thorns and roses session for each patrol. It takes some skill to do this so most PLs don't have the skill to do this on their own. It's all about asking leading questions. Don't ask how's it going, ask what's going right and what's going wrong. Make a big deal about what's going right and any progress. For things going wrong, don't lay blame, ask the patrol what they can do to make it better. This has to be a very positive thing. There aren't failures so much as opportunity. You have to believe in them. If you believe in them then they will believe in themselves. That is motivation. That's the oil that gets the whole thing moving. The bottom line is using the Oath and Law to help them realize the promise of scouting. Good luck. I'm sure Mr [krampus] will help you out if you ask him.