Hi. I am new to this site,was looking for info on something else & came across this. I joined so I could add my 2 cents & give another perspective, hope that's ok?
With the problem going on with this boy & his family, I'm just wondering if anyone has sat down and talked to the boy one on one?
I'm a 2nd year Webelos leader, have had this group of boys since they were Bears. Nearly every one of them have some type of behavioral or learning problem to one degree or another.
One boy in particular (I'll call him David,not his real name)has been a real trial at times.Severely ADHD with anger management problems,always in trouble at school for his behavior& can have a bad attitude. He could also be bright, funny & friendly.
I noticed David the year before he joined us as a Bear. I volunteer at the school & saw him there. I began to notice everyone was always angry at him because of his behavior, hardly anyone talked nice to him, even the teachers. I once watched a teacher stand in the hallway and yell at & belittle him in front of his whole class.
I knew he was a big behavior problem, & cringed when he joined our group. Sure enough he began to stir things up & the other boys were always complaining about him.I had little control over him. His dad avoided us like the plague, was angry & defensive when I tried to talk to him. Other parents complained about him alot.
I began to watch the other boys, instead of just David, & discovered they were very good at pushing his buttons because they knew he'd react. They were good at doing it when adults weren't watching, so he was the one always getting in trouble & he had a bad attitude.
I had a long talk with David. I calmly explained that his behavior & actions made it difficult for us to have fun because he kept stirring things up & I spent my time trying to make him behave. I told him I hated for him to always be in trouble because I really liked him alot & knew that he was smart & funny (he thought I was making fun of him at first). I also told him I knew he had trouble controlling his behavior sometimes & I knew the other boys pushed his buttons. We made a deal that I would gently remind him when his behavior was getting out of control, I would remove him from the group to re-gather himself if needed,& I would be fair in dealing with him & the other boys. In turn he agreed to try his hardest to behave & not act out.
I followed through. I called the other boys out when they pushed his buttons & made it clear this was NOT acceptable(had to talk to their parents a couple of times, who didn't believe me until I could give them facts their boys admitted to). I tried to give him things to do to help me in meetings, sat him next to me when needed, and did my best to become his friend. I quit getting after him so much & made a point to compliment him and point out his positives. His behavior improved 200%, he calmed down & so did the other boys & their parents.
As for the dad, I made a point to tell him when David did something good, I figurd he heard enough of the bad. The first time I did it during Day Camp, I told him I needed to talk to him about David (& watched him cringe-now what?), then proceeded to tell him how well David had done at fishing, how exciting it was when he hit the bull's eye with the arrow & how glad I was he came to Day Camp. Well, you would have thought I'd slapped that poor dad, so great was his shock! He was used to hearing complaints about his son. When he realized I meant what I said, he stood up tall.got a big grin on his face, then turned & hugged his son! Gradually dad quit being so angry & defensive. He knows he can trust me to be fair,& believes me when I tell him when David really does start something or cause a problem.He isn't so defensive anymore.
After 2 1/2 years as a leader to this boy, I can honestly say it has been exhausting at times(sometimes when he has a bad day I have to separate him from the others, sometimes I have to call his dad). But it has been very rewarding too, because I have discovered a very bright, funny, personable young man who absolutely CRAVES & THRIVES on positive attention (especially one-on-one) & who I can genuinely say I like alot. My biggest hope is that someday he can look back & say that I was a positive influence in his life & helped make it better.
Sorry so long, just hoped it might put another light on things or give you some ideas. Good Luck!
