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Troop role for Eagle Court of Honor after EBOR Disp Circumstances


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#1 belladonna

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Posted 23 February 2017 - 12:39 PM

Hello - 

 

My son recently achieved his Eagle Rank after a dustup in his troop resulting in us pursuing an EBOR under Disputed Circumstances. The process worked exactly as it should - council got involved and he achieved his rank.  

 

The problem we're facing is planning his Court of Honor.  The other 3 scouts in the troop opted for a COH during the troop's regular courts of honor, not a separate thing.  My son wants to have a larger event with friends, family, etc.  

 

Obviously, there's bad feelings with leadership, us and my son.  No letters have been requested for him, nobody picked up his credentials, etc.  

 

Has anyone had experiences with planning a COH like this?  We still want the troop involved and everyone from the troop will be invited. 


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#2 Cubmaster Pete

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Posted 23 February 2017 - 06:30 PM

Can you go it alone, and just INVITE the troop?  Maybe hand pick some boys to have tasks (colorguard, readers, etc?)

 

Reach out to the district and council? They can provide help with a ceremony, fill in where a SM should.

 

IMHO I would just write the troop leadership out of the picture. Go it alone. I am sure you will get boys from the troop to show if they are invited with an invitation OUTSIDE of the troop environment. Nobody can stop them from attending.


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#3 Eagle94-A1

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Posted 23 February 2017 - 06:43 PM

What does your son want to do? It's his court of honor, he should do what he wants.


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#4 Stosh

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Posted 23 February 2017 - 07:34 PM

I don't know of any other major celebration in a person's life.

 

The whole class is not expected to show up for graduation from HS, College or whatever.  It's usually limited to family and friends

 

The whole class is not expected to show up for any coming-of-age celebrations. It's usually limited to family and friends

 

Weddings?  Same thing

 

Birthday, even the biggies?  Same thing

 

Promotions?  Anniversaries?

 

Why is ECOH any different?

 

Or worse yet, every gets invited and no one shows up. 

 

Every boy is to decide how he wants his ECOH to go.


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Stosh

 

There's a reason why I don't always answer the phone, doorbell or comments on forums.  :)


#5 qwazse

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Posted 23 February 2017 - 09:29 PM

Welcome to the forums!

The only thing your son has control over is the invite list.
The troop has control over their participation.
Your son's friends have control over their participation.

Edited by qwazse, 23 February 2017 - 09:31 PM.

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#6 desertrat77

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Posted 23 February 2017 - 09:42 PM

I concur with the others:  your son calls the shots. 

 

Invite the troop if he wishes; if they want to attend, great.  If not, so be it.

 

Credentials:  talk with the council.

 

Letters:  just my opinion, but they are strictly optional.  A whole cottage industry has been created over the last 20 years, soliciting famous and influential people who are supposed to write fancy congratulation letters for Eagles they don't know from Adam's house cat.  Unless there is a personal connection (employer, neighbor, family member who has done good, etc), the letters are meaningless.   But that's just me.

 

Anyway, congratulations to the new Eagle!


Edited by desertrat77, 23 February 2017 - 09:50 PM.

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#7 David CO

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Posted 23 February 2017 - 09:54 PM

Belladonna,

 

When you are poison, you have to expect that people will want to keep their distance from you.


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#8 Back Pack

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Posted 23 February 2017 - 11:01 PM

@desertrat77 Mike Rowe had to go to a copy of his signature since he got so many. You'll love his response for parents who gave him grief over it. ;)

https://www.facebook...4289945581144:0
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#9 Back Pack

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Posted 23 February 2017 - 11:03 PM

Belladonna,
 
When you are poison, you have to expect that people will want to keep their distance from you.


A bit unfair. We don't know the circumstances. But I'm not sure what she expected (or planned for)what would happen AFTER the contested EBOR. I certainly wouldn't expect any troop to lift a finger in such circumstances.
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#10 Stosh

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Posted 23 February 2017 - 11:48 PM

A bit unfair. We don't know the circumstances. But I'm not sure what she expected (or planned for)what would happen AFTER the contested EBOR. I certainly wouldn't expect any troop to lift a finger in such circumstances.

 

@Back Pack

 

Sorry, but I think David CO was making a humorous reference to the screen name chosen.  "Belladonna" is a highly toxic poison.


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Stosh

 

There's a reason why I don't always answer the phone, doorbell or comments on forums.  :)


#11 Stosh

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Posted 23 February 2017 - 11:50 PM

@belladonna, It would seemI missed it in my first post, so Welcome to the forum!


Edited by Stosh, 23 February 2017 - 11:51 PM.

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Stosh

 

There's a reason why I don't always answer the phone, doorbell or comments on forums.  :)


#12 Back Pack

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Posted 24 February 2017 - 05:57 AM

@Back Pack
 
Sorry, but I think David CO was making a humorous reference to the screen name chosen.  "Belladonna" is a highly toxic poison.


I must have missed the smiley face then. Always good to use those so people know you're joking. ;)
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#13 CNYScouter

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Posted 24 February 2017 - 07:01 AM

Around here when a Scout make Eagle it's the usually parents who write and ask for congratulatory letters.

There is nothing stopping you from writing and asking for these

When my son made Eagle he made a list of people he wanted to get a letter from.

Most have a way to contact them online and I just sent them his information asking for a congratulatory letter.


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#14 desertrat77

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Posted 24 February 2017 - 07:33 AM

@desertrat77 Mike Rowe had to go to a copy of his signature since he got so many. You'll love his response for parents who gave him grief over it. ;)

https://www.facebook...4289945581144:0

Thanks Back Pack, that made my day!

 

Maybe I'm just getting old.  But I don't understand the concept of collecting a bunch of letters from strangers.  And in Mike's case, he's wire-brushed by parents because he wouldn't personally sign a letter!   After all, their progeny is so very special that he, Mike Rowe, darn well better drop what he's doing and sign a doggone letter!   Unbelievably tacky.

 

To go out further on the limb, I'm fairly convinced that the standard 3 inch binder full of Eagle letters, stationed conveniently in the back of room on a conspicuous table for all to see, is created solely for the benefit of one person:  Mom.  And she's usually the one who ends up doing all of the work to get those letters too.

 

Do yourself a favor and skip all of that.   Enjoy the day.

 

Unless things have changed recently, the Eagle kit comes with a letter from National, a certificate for the Eagle, and the medal, etc.   Isn't this honorable enough?  


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#15 Stosh

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Posted 24 February 2017 - 07:49 AM

I'd rather get a handwritten note from a friend saying "Congrats".  These letters others get are from people the Eagle doesn't even know.  These letters are going to end up in some scrapbook and looked at maybe a half dozen times and the Eagle's grandchildren aren't even know who these people are.


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Stosh

 

There's a reason why I don't always answer the phone, doorbell or comments on forums.  :)


#16 Col. Flagg

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Posted 24 February 2017 - 08:09 AM

Thanks Back Pack, that made my day!
 
Maybe I'm just getting old.  But I don't understand the concept of collecting a bunch of letters from strangers.  And in Mike's case, he's wire-brushed by parents because he wouldn't personally sign a letter!   After all, their progeny is so very special that he, Mike Rowe, darn well better drop what he's doing and sign a doggone letter!   Unbelievably tacky.

 

Love Mike Rowe!! The "letter thing" I don't get and Mike's response is prefect. What't the point? They are all form letters saying meaningless things, from people you've never met, from groups the Eagle has likely never heard of. I got Mike's letter for my Eagle. He loved it and knew it was a form letter. He appreciated the fact that I got it for him -- not because it was a congrats letter, and not because it was from Mike Rowe -- but because of what Mike said, "Pack your Eagle stuff away and NOW start the hard work!!"

 

 

To go out further on the limb, I'm fairly convinced that the standard 3 inch binder full of Eagle letters, stationed conveniently in the back of room on a conspicuous table for all to see, is created solely for the benefit of one person:  Mom.  And she's usually the one who ends up doing all of the work to get those letters too.

 

You are not on the limb alone. It's mom or dad who do this. Certainly no Eagle Scout I've seen goes and does this. Who cares if the Sons of the American Revolution send you a certificate and a letter. Really? How many confirmations of your Eagle award to you need?

 

Do yourself a favor and skip all of that.   Enjoy the day.
 
Unless things have changed recently, the Eagle kit comes with a letter from National, a certificate for the Eagle, and the medal, etc.   Isn't this honorable enough?


This!

 

My son remembered a few things from his ECOH:

  • His friends showing up.
  • His teachers and mentors from long ago showing up.
  • His troop showing up in droves to support him.
  • The fact his family flew in to see him.
  • Most of all? The CAKE!!!

And that, my friends, is what this is about. Not nothing more. Forget the letters...your Eagle Scout surely will.


Edited by Col. Flagg, 24 February 2017 - 08:10 AM.

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#17 SSScout

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Posted 24 February 2017 - 10:15 AM

For some unknown (to us) reason, the Scout had his Eagle award held up.

For some unknown (to us) reason,   the Scout is estranged from his home Troop. This is sad.

His Council saw the wisdom to "make things right", and make the award of the Eagle to this Scout.

At his desire, the Scout can celebrate , with his parents and family, his accomplishment.  An Eagle Court of Honor can be arranged with the help of the Council that "made things right".  

The Scout, with family and friends,  can plan on Barbecue or cookies or ice tea, with candles symbolically on a log , as he desires, with his family and friends in attendance.  He should, I feel (but that's just me), invite the leadership of the home Troop. They did, after all, help him along in this accomplishment, gave him the opportunity,  even if things did go awry toward the end. . Maybe thru an intermediary that can help "make nice" between the two.

The Scout should, at his desire, ask his favorite Scout person to say a few appropriate words , of inspiration and congratulation and closure to this chapter of his life.  It is, after all, the beginning of another chapter. 

Or he can take the package from the mail box , open it, and put the Eagle pins and patch in the back of his closet for another time and place. 

I say do the party, such things are, after all, not just for the Scout.  Rather,   make it a time of healing and rejoicing, not of remembering the hurt.

 

Congratulations to your Scout, Belladonna, and see you on the trail....


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#18 David CO

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Posted 24 February 2017 - 10:33 AM

A bit unfair. We don't know the circumstances. But I'm not sure what she expected (or planned for)what would happen AFTER the contested EBOR. I certainly wouldn't expect any troop to lift a finger in such circumstances.

 

I must have missed the smiley face then. Always good to use those so people know you're joking. ;)

 

I was only half joking.  I do hold a certain amount of disdain for people who go the disputed circumstances route.  

 

I would applaud the other three scouts who earned the award the right way, and chose to have a simple ECOH with their unit.  Well done.


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#19 Torchwood

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Posted 24 February 2017 - 11:44 AM

Wow, that is still a little harsh. You have no idea of the circumstances surrounding this young man's need to go around his Troop. Based on the instances I have read about around this campfire, most of the time the adults have overstepped their authority. Maybe the OP could have told us her son's side of the story, but she didn't. In fact, all she seems to be asking for is a little guidance on how to hold an ECoH for her son, given the situation.


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#20 David CO

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Posted 24 February 2017 - 12:08 PM

Wow, that is still a little harsh. You have no idea of the circumstances surrounding this young man's need to go around his Troop. Based on the instances I have read about around this campfire, most of the time the adults have overstepped their authority. Maybe the OP could have told us her son's side of the story, but she didn't. In fact, all she seems to be asking for is a little guidance on how to hold an ECoH for her son, given the situation.

 

I'm not sure the circumstances really matter.  I think any determined parent can win at council regardless of merit.  This has certainly been true in the instances I have read around this campfire.  

 

There have been quite a few threads on this forum by parents who have taken the disputed circumstances route.  I have yet to see a single instance of a parent reporting back that they have lost the appeal to council.  They always seem to win.


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