Praise Junkie?

[blw2 433]

in another thread:

 

 

 

 

So this "fear of failure" reminded me of something I recently read about Praise, encouragement, and discouragement.

and how praise is a bad thing.

 

In a study, kids were given math tests

one group were praised "you are so smart"

the other group was encouraged "you must be so proud of your hard work"

 

Then later, these groups were given a chance to take an even harder test.  The encouraged group said, sure I'll give it a try

but the praised group didn't want to chance tarnishing their smart status

.... so I suppose you could say they had a "fear of failure"

 

there was of course more to it than that, but this was more or less one takeaway.....

 

 

[Stosh 3452]

I believe that our youth tend to not want to make decisions for fear of making the wrong choice which to them translates into losing..  Sure, everyone gets a participation trophy, but when the real nuts and bolts, no BS reality sets in and they have to make a choice, it's panic time!  Losing means failure, winning means success and everything around us in our culture dictates winners are the heroes.

 

They have their lives carefully mapped out for success.  Every T is crossed and ever I is dotted.  Nothing left to chance, until life happens and then there's the melt down and the loser label is a forever black mark on one's life.

 

 @@blw2, I don't think its a fear of failure, as much as it is a fear of "losing".  Kids today know the BS of the the participation trophies and the ego stroking going on and because of the fog of the unknown that it creates. They have no idea what 20/20 foresight mean and what that may mean in terms of being successful.  Thus they creep slowly into the future thinking that at any moment, they could lose the game and there are no resets in the game of real life.  Every decision is based on traditional odds that if this was successful in the past, somehow it's guaranteed to be successful once again.

 

Somehow this gets translated into "If I don't make a decision, I don't get blamed if things aren't successful."  What they haven't figured out that not making a decision in and of itself is a decision and this Catch-22 trap often mandates going only with the tried and true proven winners rather than think outside the box, problem solve, take a stand, etc. necessary in life at times.  They "go with the crowd" rather than stand out and lead because if I lose, then all my friends will lose too.  That really ups the ante.

 

So the solution?  Let someone else make the decision, take the chances, and if they win, I can get in on the benefits and if they lose, I can walk away unscathed.  Either way it's a "win" and no decision/choice had to be made.  After all mom and dad have taken care of me for 35 years and it's worked out well, I"m set for another 10 years easily.

[Eagledad 2777]

Interesting post blw2, I wished I had seen it 30 years ago.

 

Thanks

 

Barry

[DuctTape 1230]

This is an application of Attribution theory. It isn't new by any means, but seems to have been forgotten in the last 20-30 years. The basics can be summed up by how one internalizes the answer to the question, "to what do I attribute my success"? Thus the issue isn't praise vs no praise, but instead how one praises, and what the child is praised for. Praise for effort when successful over time helps a child attribute their own effort as a driver for their success (contrast with praise success for "being smart" which over time a child will learn to attribute success /failure as a result of their own being). Of course all of this is a small subset of human development and many other factors play an integral role. Such is true of all science, we look at subsets to gain a better understanding of how they integrate into the whole. I think I need a beer now.

[qwazse 4342]

My line to the kids: "We approve of flawless execution."

If the made A's and one B: "Sorry you flunked. we love you anyway. better luck next time."

[cyclops 55]

Quote from Dubya, "And as I like to tell the C students: You too, can be president."

[blw2 433]

This is an application of Attribution theory. It isn't new by any means, but seems to have been forgotten in the last 20-30 years. The basics can be summed up by how one internalizes the answer to the question, "to what do I attribute my success"? Thus the issue isn't praise vs no praise, but instead how one praises, and what the child is praised for. Praise for effort when successful over time helps a child attribute their own effort as a driver for their success (contrast with praise success for "being smart" which over time a child will learn to attribute success /failure as a result of their own being). Of course all of this is a small subset of human development and many other factors play an integral role. Such is true of all science, we look at subsets to gain a better understanding of how they integrate into the whole. I think I need a beer now.

YES.  

as part of the thing I'm referring to, there was a lesson about external locus vs an internal locus..... am I motivated by others opinion (external locus) or by my own performance or sense of accomplishment (internal locus)

 

What you are writing (praise vs no praise) is the same as the point in my reference.... but it's really just symantics around the definition of the word praise.  

In my example, praise points more to the external locus.... or what I think.... "you are so smart."....it's what I think of you.

vs "You really worked hard, you must be proud."  which was defined as encouragement by focusing on the internal locus.