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The Entitlement Generation


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#1 scoutldr

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Posted 17 July 2015 - 09:08 AM

http://www.today.com...behavior-t32201


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#2 desertrat77

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Posted 17 July 2015 - 09:43 AM

Thanks Sctldr, the article is spot on.

 

Many kids think they are special snowflakes because that is what every adult has told them from day 1.   No punishment, no consequences, no responsibility, no criticism.   

 

The sad thing is, the kids are better than that.   The adults--parents, teachers, etc.--set the kids up for failure.

 

When they become adults, they'll have to learn lessons that they should have learned at age 8.   Saw this in the military.   Many a 18 year old Airman flabbergasted that they, Mr./Ms. Special Snowflake, are told "that wasn't good enough, do it again" or "you made a bad choice and here are the consequences."   Some just can't believe it.   To their credit, many learn from it.   Others?   They can't get over 18 years of non-stop positive, undeserved affirmation of everything they did.


Edited by desertrat77, 17 July 2015 - 09:44 AM.

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#3 BDPT00

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Posted 17 July 2015 - 09:54 AM

I visited AHG's HQ last weekend.  In a presentation, one youth lady said that they create the perfect environment for failure.  I thought that was a very clever statement, and it says a lot.  In a good Scouting unit, a Scout feels safe trying something and failing without ridicule, so he can try it again.  We as parents (and Scout leaders) are afraid to allow our kids to fail.  We can fix that if we keep our eyes on the big picture instead of every little detail that can go wrong at the moment. 


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#4 Stosh

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Posted 17 July 2015 - 10:00 AM

Good article, see it all the time in modern parenting styles.  Now that it has had a chance to develop inter-generationally, one is going to see more and more entitled parents with entitled children.  That should be a hoot to observe.


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#5 Stosh

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Posted 17 July 2015 - 10:10 AM

I visited AHG's HQ last weekend.  In a presentation, one youth lady said that they create the perfect environment for failure.  I thought that was a very clever statement, and it says a lot.  In a good Scouting unit, a Scout feels safe trying something and failing without ridicule, so he can try it again.  We as parents (and Scout leaders) are afraid to allow our kids to fail.  We can fix that if we keep our eyes on the big picture instead of every little detail that can go wrong at the moment. 

 

I teach my boys from day one that failure in Scouting is supposed to happen.  They quickly learn that the best teacher is failure and one will learn quicker from mistakes than successes.  I also teach them that the best servant leaders are those that know how to deal with failure because when someone needs help for a failure of their own, how can the leader help if they know nothing about having failed themselves?

 

Because of this approach I never have to raise my voice, I never use sign's up or need to punish any of the boys.  They just take their failures in stride.

 

This past summer camp, I told my one boy who had zip off uniform pants to make sure he doesn't lose the legs when he switches over to shorts.  Well, lo and behold, he lost one..... Like I didn't see that happening?  Of course, but now the boy is mowing laws for the neighbors raising enough money to buy a new pair.  He's my Webelos cross-over and was his first summer camp.  He's a quick learn.

 

A second boy came over frantically seeking help from the leaders at summer camp.  A wind storm had blown through and knocked down all the wall tents and took out their dining fly as well.  It was still raining and was getting dark fast.  So I looked up from my game of dominoes and asked them why my tent was still standing?  He sheepishly answered, because you probably tied the right knots.  I then asked him if he wanted me to come over and teach knots again.  He said, "Yes, please."  I did and then went back to my game of dominoes.  The next day the PL had everyone out tying the knots over and over again until they could do them not only in their sleep but also in the dark in the rain.  :)

 

As far as entitlement is concerned?  Every boy in my troop is entitled to become a great servant leader in the world in which he lives. 


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Stosh

 

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#6 RememberSchiff

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Posted 17 July 2015 - 11:24 AM

Good "Part 1". I look forward to reading Part 2. :)

 

It is harder being a parent today and the fault is not entirely with parents.


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#7 Stosh

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Posted 17 July 2015 - 11:42 AM

Good "Part 1". I look forward to reading Part 2. :)

 

It is harder being a parent today and the fault is not entirely with parents.

 

It's no harder being a parent today than it has ever been in the past.  And yes, every generation of parents generally figure it out.  The only real "fault" one can find are those who abdicate being a parent and try to be a friend.  Well, kids need parents, they have friends enough out in the world, they need a parent and those are harder to come by these days. 


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Stosh

 

There's a reason why I don't always answer the phone, doorbell or comments on forums.  :)


#8 RememberSchiff

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Posted 17 July 2015 - 12:08 PM

It's no harder being a parent today than it has ever been in the past.  And yes, every generation of parents generally figure it out.  The only real "fault" one can find are those who abdicate being a parent and try to be a friend.  Well, kids need parents, they have friends enough out in the world, they need a parent and those are harder to come by these days. 

 

Well consider today, I received an email from my son's school that he has summer vacation homework and I and Mrs. Schiff are responsible that he gets it done. Neither happened or would have happened to my parents. I am tempted to channel my Dad and tell them in blunt language to do their job.

 

Back then there were consequences - spankings and worse. Yeah I got the belt. The phrase "Just wait 'til your father comes home" was dreaded. No social promotions back then.

 

My parents did not have to worry about censoring movies, mail, tv, or books as the bad stuff was just not accessible. There were only 3 or 4 tv channels. Oh there was a close call in 9th grade when Peyton Place was briefly added to reading list. I think that English dept head eventually found a job at Woolworth's.

 

My father told me, legally his kids were "chattel" and he would do as he wanted, in other words, the Village will mind its own business and mostly did.


Edited by RememberSchiff, 17 July 2015 - 12:33 PM.

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#9 Stosh

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Posted 17 July 2015 - 12:27 PM

My parents were the same, I did the same for my kids and as a grandparent, I see my parents still working in the lives of my grandchildren.  :)  

 

Entitled children grow up to be BFF's to their children, not their parents.


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Stosh

 

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#10 packsaddle

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Posted 17 July 2015 - 12:50 PM

The best way to learn from failure is to learn from someone else's failure, lol.  But many of us don't seem to choose that path.


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#11 Stosh

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Posted 17 July 2015 - 12:54 PM

Somehow it's human nature that we all have to touch the stove to see if all the hoopla is true.  :)


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Stosh

 

There's a reason why I don't always answer the phone, doorbell or comments on forums.  :)


#12 SeattlePioneer

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Posted 17 July 2015 - 01:00 PM

One way to divide people into like groups:

 

1.  A small minority who listen to their parents, teachers, religious leaders, Scout Leaders and such and follow their example and advice.

 

 

2.  A large majority who learn from their mistakes.

 

 

3.  Another group WHO NEVER LEARN!

 

 

 


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#13 SSScout

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Posted 03 August 2015 - 02:37 PM

About a year after  my first wife and I parted company (A Scout is Courteous) I met a young lady who was also recently divorced. I had a 5 year old daughter, she had a 6 year old son, both of us had "custody".   I thought we got along fairly well in our first few dates.   I was not ready, and neither was she,  to introduce our kids to each other, but they had each met the other adult, and had it explained that even mommies and daddies had "friends".  The problem came when I suggested, after some observation, that her son needed a mother more than his mother needed a "friend" of 8 years old.... 


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#14 WasE61

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Posted 12 August 2015 - 11:04 AM

I don't suppose anyone realizes that Scouting has some of this as well...right?

 

The "instant gratification" model where a Scout is immediately awarded a badge or rank, is not very real world.

 

It's possible to work on something and get no recognition at all...except for the negative recognition when you screw something up.


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#15 CalicoPenn

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Posted 12 August 2015 - 12:16 PM

Well consider today, I received an email from my son's school that he has summer vacation homework and I and Mrs. Schiff are responsible that he gets it done. Neither happened or would have happened to my parents. I am tempted to channel my Dad and tell them in blunt language to do their job.

 

 

 

Well if you're not responsible to make sure your son does his summer homework, who is? 


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#16 NJCubScouter

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Posted 12 August 2015 - 12:24 PM

I don't suppose anyone realizes that Scouting has some of this as well...right?
 
The "instant gratification" model where a Scout is immediately awarded a badge or rank, is not very real world.
 
It's possible to work on something and get no recognition at all...except for the negative recognition when you screw something up.


Well, if the advancement program is being run properly, you only get what you have earned. As for "instant gratification" not being "real world", it depends on what you view as recognition or gratification. This hits home for me because my son is in the first year of his first job after graduating college (as an engineer, by the way), and I am observing as he deals with the "real world" for the first time. I have asked him what kind of feedback he gets from his bosses, if any. He says he gets the occasional compliment, but he also understands that his main "recognition" is the check he gets at the end of every week. He also understands that the fact that the tasks he is being given are gradually getting more difficult and complicated is a sign of "positive recognition" because it means they believe he can handle these tasks, and over time (when combined with the fact that the company is apparently making money and expanding) may lead to bigger checks at some point. If that's the recognition he is getting, it's good enough.

Or as a wise old man once told me, "Ever since the Mesopotamians invented money, there's been more than one way to say thank you." (I've never checked to see whether it was actually the Mesopotamians who invented money, but that's not the point.)
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#17 scoutldr

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Posted 13 August 2015 - 07:30 AM

Well if you're not responsible to make sure your son does his summer homework, who is? 

It wouldn't have happened to my parents because there was no such thing as "summer homework".  When you got off the bus that last day, you were "free" until the day after Labor Day, unless you had "failed"' (yes they actually used that word) and had to go to summer school, which was the ultimate embarrassment.  If you didn't make it up in summer school, you did not "pass" and repeated the grade.  Only the "dumb" kids had to repeat grades and our parents admonished us that, unless we made the grade, we would be doomed to a life of ditch-digging or being a garbage man.  And you know what...just had my 30th high school reunion.  My parents were right.  Those who were screw-ups in school are still screw-ups.  I'm not impressed with these advanced programs like IB and AP courses or the handle "gifted".  I just wish high schools would concentrate on teaching them to read and write standard English grammar and how to balance a checkbook before teaching them about International Relations.  As an employer, I don't care how many AP classes you had, if you can't write a coherent report.


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#18 Gone

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Posted 13 August 2015 - 07:44 AM

My kids wonder why I'm "not like other parents" who constantly remind them to "do this" or "do that". I told them simply, "It's your responsibility, not mine."

I *will* shut down cable so that the TV and Internet don't work. What they do after that is their prerogative.

I'll remind them but I won't force them. Not my job. They'll learn.
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#19 Stosh

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Posted 13 August 2015 - 07:47 AM

Well if you're not responsible to make sure your son does his summer homework, who is? 

 

I'll take a wild stab at it.... your son?  Am I right?  Do I get a prize?

 

Well if you're not responsible to make sure your son isn't out of your basement by the time he's 45 years old, who is?

 

C'mon people, we've coddled these kids through school, we've pencil whipped them through Scouts, we've allowed them to waste their formative years with electronic devices, and then POOF they're chronologically an adult with maturity level of a grade school student (maybe).  

 

So, the parents don't whip this kid with a belt until his summer homework is done.  So the kid fails and the parents are put in jail for neglect.  Child Protection steps in and puts the kid in Foster Care.  And guess what.  After all is said and done the kid still doesn't do his homework and nothing changes except the masking of symptoms of the problem instead of dealing with the problem itself, the kid doesn't take responsibility for himself.  

 

Well, when people never learn to take care of themselves in life, we have institutions dedicated to taking care of them.


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Stosh

 

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#20 Eagle94-A1

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Posted 13 August 2015 - 09:12 AM

instant gratification in Scouting is a relatively new thing on the Boy Scout side, I remember having COHs 3 times a year to give out rank, mbs, etc

 

CS had the immediate recognition kits when i was a cub


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"Train 'em. Trust 'em. LET THEM LEAD!" William "Green Bar Bill" Hillcourt





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